Date: 05/07/16 05:27 am Title: Epilogue
An excellent tale. I sensed the joining before it happened, but nothing could have prepared me for the climax. It was exquisite.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I worked hard on the climax, and I really hoped the end didn't seem too rushed. Glad to hear it turned out okay!
Date: 05/07/16 02:43 am Title: Epilogue
This was... pretty confusing honestly. However it still was really enjoyable, I'm still not sure if Fosohgd was gust or not, or why he had her powers too. I thought she was him from the future but instead it's more of an alternate timeline? I'm so confused but thank you for the story :D
Author's Response: Yay! Playing with time does that to people. I'm glad you liked the story! If I ever do get this sequel up and running, I hope that it's as well received as this one was!
Date: 05/07/16 01:02 am Title: Epilogue
Damn sure hope so there would be a sequel. But if Fosoghd knew this moment was coming... Was She gust in another plane?
Author's Response: Oh, the confusion! Yes and no. Fosoghd was herself, but she knew her destiny. Now they are one
Date: 05/06/16 11:50 pm Title: Epilogue
If you tease a sequel but never write it I really will hate you
Author's Response: That's not the problem with it so far! I've got a couple chapters done, but lack of inspiration in all aspects. I can't even post it yet because I don't have a good name. Glad to see you enjoyed the story, though!
Date: 05/06/16 08:53 pm Title: Epilogue
So... well... HUH?! It was a tg but it wasn't... We really only got a few lines of dialogue from Gust/Fos which isn't nearly enough. I really do hope there is a sequel though.
Author's Response: Yep! A far cry from my usual stories where the TG is usually at the beginning, not the end... and there is a sequel. Question is how long it's gonna actually be, and how long until I start posting it. Hopefully I don't have the same problem I did with this story, namely not having a name for it until seven chapters in
Date: 05/03/16 10:16 am Title: Chapter 25
Great work as always. I honestly didn't expect them to be wed by Mren, my money was on Slyf.
Author's Response: Whoo! Threw you a twist! Thank you very much, I tried to make this chapter memorable especially since This passage intentionally redacted
Date: 05/03/16 07:45 am Title: Chapter 25
Welp can't wait for the next chapter. This one had some moment that were really neat. Gotta say though, I'm not sure if you've ever mentioned what color Ice's hair is? I have only a vague image of what anyone in the story looks like, apart from clothes which are pretty well described. Fos and the gods were described well, but the others are kind of ??? Just thought I'd mention it since a wedding night would be a decent time to bring it up, if you wanted to.
There's a benefit to being vague as well though, if you want to take that route! It lets people read into characters what they want, whether that's race, weight, hair, etc, which can be good people to identify with characters. Something to consider, potentially.
Author's Response: I'm pretty sure I said her hair was brown when Gust first ran into her, but I may have forgot. Actual description has never, ever been my strong suit. Something I've been trying to remedy. The balance is hard to find between description and vague-ness. Next chapter tomorrow though!
Date: 04/25/16 09:11 pm Title: Chapter 21
Yayyy you finally explained what the heck was with Mind vs. Mental school. I'm not sure if I'm bothered by the random super increases in power that Gust keeps getting, but then again that's been there since the beginning of the story. And if Gust is Fos after all, then it makes sense that she's setting things up for her own power because of time shenanigans. It's neat.
So do cities get named weirdly in the magic kingdom too? "Specialist City" or "wind village", things like that. I noticed nothing's really been named so far. Also, there's a couple things about the last chapter that have stuck in my mind. If Slyf gave magic to all mortals, why exactly do different places have different concentrations of mana? Is it just the luck of the draw, like any other natural resource? And I'd also urge you to consider integrating Beel in the story actually. He (and perhaps an army of non-magicians) would serve as an interesting antagonist down the road. They wouldn't be able to threaten the protagonists to any significant degree, but then you also have the option to explore the morality of these extremely powerful magicians. Does Gust see non-magicians in the same way as Wtherm views all mortals? Or is Fos losing a sense of humanity? Stuff like that is more interesting to explore in my opinion, when you have characters who are close to omnipotent. Hard to write a fight scene around that!
Anyways, glad to hear you're on a regular schedule, but you shouldn't have to worry about it feeling like an obligation, if that makes sense. I'll read and enjoy your work just the same if it's once every two days or once a week, and you deserve to take time to yourself if you want to!
Author's Response: I'll try to respond methodically again. Glad I could help explain things, and I'm going to keep quiet about the "random" power increases but... *Spoiler redacted*. Honestly, most cities aren't named, at least in the Magic Kingdom, so far. They've got basic titles, though, to give an idea about who in general lives there. And yeah, luck of the draw on natural resources, pretty much. Now I'm gonna test to see if this works, real quick (hopefully it does, that would be helpful).
And Beel will most likely not be in this story, but if I write a sequel, and it's looking like I might if inspiration keeps up, there will be more non-magic people in it. Gust hasn't honestly met a non-magic person, due to living in the Magic Kingdom and being nice, so we wouldn't know how he would treat the non-magic folk yet. And I do hope you'll enjoy what's coming up! The regular schedule will work for a while, but it's pretty much gonna be only this story, and only for a little while. Then I'll go back to hoping my stories don't turn out like "Life as a teenage Meta" where I completely forgot where I was going with them...
Date: 04/18/16 10:40 am Title: Chapter 18
Fantastic as usual. The fact that Fos can travel through time has been referenced before, but we've never actually seen a consequence of it until now, outside of teleport and combat capability. The fact that their time streams are now directly crossing at different points is very interesting, and I'm curious to see how it pans out.
Author's Response: Oh? Good to hear, and I certainly hope you enjoy it until the very end!
Date: 04/17/16 04:38 am Title: Chapter 17
You're cruel person you are, feeding our addiction like this. It's like a drug dealer giving an extra sample. "I'll just give you guys this extra chapter as an apology." Now we'll be in withdrawal for the next 4 days D:.
Author's Response: Four days? I don't plan on taking that long to post something new! But who knows what may happen? And honestly, that mix up with the last chapter was terrible and you all deserve this one for being so patient. I'll be working on the next chapter to keep you all up to date!
Date: 04/17/16 12:33 am Title: Chapter 17
Not much to say atm. I've got an idea of what's going on still, obviously, but it's not as demanding that I figure it out. Just wanted to say it's still going pretty good.
The only thing I can think of that jumped out recently is that SU as an shorthand for the Supreme's Underground seems a little silly, but I admittedly can't think of a better term. And just as an aside, as I think about the Supreme's Underground, mentioning what sort of proportion of Supreme level magicians end up going rogue compared to staying loyal to the King would be interesting. Some early comments by Fos and Gust indicated, to me at least, that the Supreme's Underground was the de facto authority by virtue of firepower.
You can add in my comments from previous reviews about how I think the story would benefit from a slower pace, expanding characterization and description, etc., but as a reader, I appreciate the quick turn around on your writing. I am really enjoying this.
Also wow when did this get to be 30k+ words. That's incredible honestly. I guess Misaania has rubbed off on you a bit.
Author's Response: Thanks! I suppose Misa has rubbed off a little bit... and the SU is it's own, independent organization, but it rarely ever mobilizes itself, more often it just keeps track of politics and everything while sending single people to deal with problems. And nobody besides the SU itself knows how many stay loyal to the king, just because of how easy it is to say "Oh, my name's... Breeze. Yeah. Breeze."
Date: 04/13/16 05:28 pm Title: Chapter 15.5; Discovery
I was so excited to see another chapter written, and then I read it. It was great anyway, but now I'm just a step nuttier than I was before >_
Author's Response: I'll be writing more tonight, so hopefully another chapter will get posted within the next two days!
Date: 04/12/16 08:18 pm Title: Chapter 15
*GASP Are they really the same entity...? How? Why? Wasn't Gust conceived by Tornado? I must learn more!! Please post a new chapter! ;-;
Author's Response: Aaaand next chapter is going to be a short, off-topic one! Mwahahahahaha!
Date: 04/07/16 08:24 am Title: Chapter 13
Yeah, that did clarify some stuff about that tradition of marriage. Gotta wonder why Slyf takes the moniker of being a messenger who speaks to mortals and gods if she's only spoken to mortals three times... though I suppose that's just the number of times she's been seen talking to someone and not necessarily the complete picture.
Guess Gust is going to learn things are weird soon when he starts teleporting around. Though he'd figure things out more quickly if he just checked with Age to see when the last time Slyf spoke to a mortal was.
Also if Teleporter is a title from a having mastery of both Time and Space schools, are there other hybrid titles? I feel like there's potential for Water and Ice schools to have that, though tbh I'm confused about them. Is Rink a title in both? Because Rirnk mentioned being named Rink and having the potential to reach Tsunami while there's also Glacier-Ice-Rink-?? In Ice school. Still wondering what Mind school in chapter 4 is about though. Illusions instead of telepathy and mind control?
Author's Response: Gust teleporting around, interesting prediction! You'll have to wait and see... and there are other hybrid titles, but they're not commonly used. Most prefer a title like Fire Water instead of Steam. And Rink is not a title in both Ice and Water schools, Rirnk simply liked the name Rink, but he was proficient with Water so he adapted it a bit and took it for himself. And Mental School is still vague, but if you want to think of it as everything to do with the mind except for actually defending it, that would work
Date: 04/05/16 10:02 pm Title: Chapter 12
Well I wanted to comment on all the chapters, but I'm too lazy to do that. Instead I'll just wrap everything up here then.
I've been critical of this story in the past for not describing things in great detail, but this new burst of writing has been better! There are some things I'd like to see in greater detail though, such as why exactly Ice and Gust are interested in each other. So far that's been rather... circumstantial? I guess talking about marriage seems really premature when they've been on like one date (tho the setting is different and so on). I'm also kind of curious where Smoke and Mole went? They haven't shown up in a while, though in the story it's only been a day or so. And those people from Rirnk's homeland; if they're not mages, are they just named "normally"? If that's the case I imagine someone might get really confused by meeting someone named Sandy or River and being like "are those part of schools I haven't heard of??"
The stuff with Mental School is really confusing as well; is Gust teaching Tornado and Ice or is it just one way of Gust using it to help them with their defenses. And the whole sword enchantment with Mental School specifically seems a little weird? It seemed more like Gust just hit it with frustrated magic and demonstrated Time magic instead of Mental stuff? Some clarification about the difference between Mind school and Mental school would be kind of good too! Just a lot of stuff that seems to be kind of vague in general that would really tighten up the story a lot if you could get some more specifics and more description.
I don't want this review to seem overly critical, because it's definitely coming from a place of appreciation. I really am intrigued by the story and the setting, and I must have read every chapter at least three times. I think the stuff with Mren is really neat as well. I'm still not sure I know what's going on with Fosoghd and Gust, though I've got ideas of course. Best idea at the moment is an alternate timeline/universe that Fos keeps hopping in and out of without realizing. The TG aspect should kind of rule that idea out though.
Anyways, your writing is good and with a bit more polish and slowing the pace down a bit, I think it would be superb! I'm looking forward to any chapter you have, regardless. I never got too into Choices (the whole end-of-days is a style I'm not a huge fan of) but I'll check out Shadowed Stalls as well and review that soon. Thanks for writing.
Author's Response: Okay, I'll answer methodically. I've written ahead, and a few answers may show up in the coming chapters *hint hint* Things get into detail more later, as Gust starts getting the hang of things. When everything is changing rapidly, people tend to focus on the changing, not the constant. And next chapter does go into a bit more explanation about the marriage, if you still have questions I can answer better then. Smoke and Mole aren't in the same caliber as Ice and Gust, in addition to having their own lives, and they do show up later. Other countries aren't explained in great detail, but... well I'll leave it there for further things, and just say that the one this story takes place in is very magic-focused. Mental School is meant to be confusing. It was just discovered, and not all the details are worked out, and it's not a standard-taught School. Mental School is focused on the mind itself, while every School has mental defenses, for clarification. The sword, as well, is supposed to be sort of vague, leaving you all with predictions and ideas. Critical reviews are nice! I love them! I know I'm not the greatest writer and reviews help with future editing and writing. And Fos and Gust? Yeah, their relationship is certainly a relationship that is to be expanded upon in the coming chapters. And thank you! I've always had problems with pace (as you'd notice if you look at some of my early stories) that I keep trying to fix without much success. And to each their own, Choices certainly has odd origins. Shadowed Stalls, though, I think you'll enjoy. I'll keep writing, and I hope you keep reading!
Date: 04/04/16 10:21 am Title: Chapter 11
oh Mren!!! Please don't stop spoiling us k? :D
Can't waiting to find out more of everything/anything in this universe! You've got me so utterly hooked.
Author's Response: I'm glad to hear it! I'll be doing a bit more writing for a while to come, so hopefully my inspiration keeps up for this story!
Date: 03/22/16 07:37 am Title: Chapter 9
I'm so invested right now, prease prease prease make an update soon haha. Kick those writing juices into overdrive! :)
Author's Response: Unfortunately the next chapter is a short intermission one, like between chapter 5 and 6. On the bright side, that means it'll be out tomorrow! I do have inspiration for more, and I'll keep writing! I'm ecstatic to hear you're enjoying it!
Date: 01/02/16 05:54 pm Title: Chapter 9
Oh. Definitely one of my favorites
Author's Response: So glad to hear it! i have another chapter in mind that I may end up liking more than this one.... assuming you were talking about the chapter, and not the story. If it was the story, it's my favorite I've written so far. Either way, I'm super glad to hear it! I'll try to get another chapter out pretty soon
Date: 01/02/16 04:02 pm Title: Chapter 9
Agh, you've thrown it out now! I was pretty sure she was Gust from the future and her memories were leaking because of Time supremacy, but now it's looking more like alternate universes bleeding together or whatever. I love time travel stories and I'm still lost here, so that's a good sign! As far as chapter numbers go, you should try what I do and just label it instead of numbering it. Small note in closing though, Slyf shouldn't refer to her 'brothers' but probably siblings, since Wtherm is genderless
Author's Response: Trust me when I say I thought intensely about literally every word Slyf said. She said "brothers" because that's how she sees Wtherm, she doesn't see him eventually choosing to be female if he takes a gender, and because she likes to seem connected and more powerful than she is when dealing with mortals. Though I am very glad to see I threw you for a loop! I am doing my best to drop hints and surprise you at the same time, so I hope it's working out alright! Yes, that does mean there are hints buried within there, but maybe not this chapter specfically
Date: 12/25/15 07:29 pm Title: Chapter 8.5; Wtherm
Ah, well now I'm not sure if I have everything together. You threw quite a wrench into it with the last two chapters. The only question is whether those True Gods experience time in the same way as humans; considering Mren invented time probably not. Anyways though, interesting! Looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Glad to hear it! Doing a bit of writing here and there, so perhaps there won't be a long wait if luck holds
Date: 12/25/15 03:55 pm Title: Chapter 8.5; Wtherm
FINALLY!!!! FUCKING FINALLY!!!!
I've been reading this story ever since it started. I sealed through the confusing accents, the incoprehensible lore, the confusing story, weird trippy dreams, the jumping and twisted dialogue. This, this is the first chapter that I can fully understand! This is the first chapter I can finally come to mind and put all of the pieces together. Where has this chapter been? We, or I, needed this thing from the start! Now I can finally connect the dots, now I can finally have a small guess on what the future of the story might be. Thank you!! But this chapter does not only help clear answers, it makes more questions and intrigues more the reader. We finally have a straight chapter that talks purely about lore. Please. Do more of this! It makes the experience more enyoable and comprehensible!
Author's Response: Oh, been waiting for this one? Very glad to hear it! I'm wondering when the next chapter will be up, but I'm hoping sometime soon. I'm eager to see if you're predictions are accurate, or how far off they are... until then, I leave you to your thoughts.
Date: 12/21/15 07:42 am Title: Chapter 8
Well I have my ideas, but I'll just have to wait to see... Although I'm half suspected a bait and switch here, but I'm keeping quiet. Still continues to be pretty engaging, though there are some small technical comments that I wanted to make; mostly on some sentences that are vague (the screaming bystander comment took me a while to parse) and the Supreme Summoner never being actually described in person or being attacked? Other than that, it's great. Can't wait for more.
Author's Response: Thanks! Usually my descriptions are vague for a reason, like not describing the Supreme Summoner since she was more focused on what they were summoning for instance, due to it being more from a character's perspective than a narrator's, but I will keep that in mind. Glad to see you're enjoying it, you may find more when and if I get this next chapter done soon!
Date: 12/10/15 09:38 pm Title: Chapter 7
I was trying to kill time and flipped to this story because of the description and your well written reviews. I'm a fan of well structured magic settings and this is pretty great. The only technical comment I could make would be on the accents being hard to read at times, but it grew on me. I think you've dropped enough hints for me to figure the twist out, but I'll just have to wait to see how right I am.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I just noticed this review (really, really want those emails to be sent out again) and you may have just inspired me enough to get out another chapter relatively soon, but there is someone who wanted me to post a chapter of something else first... Ah, the perils of too many stories. I'm very glad to see you're liking it, the accents are supposed to be that way (even when rereading I have a bit of trouble, so don't worry too much about it).
Date: 12/09/15 05:27 pm Title: Chapter 7
Ok first problem The site did not inform me about an update to this chapter 4 days ago.
2 shouldnt this be chapter 7 not 8?
Author's Response: Discussions just pointed out that, in fact, no emails are being sent out. I thought everyone was just ignoring me! Thanks for pointing out the chapter name mistake, and I do have a tendency to post right before the site updates and throws my story five or six down the list...
Date: 11/23/15 04:01 pm Title: Chapter 1
I like the world-building of this series, I truly hope you can continue writing it.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I do have a few more chapters planned out, at the least, and plan on writing for a while longer. We'll just have to see how long it takes to get the story towards it's end
Date: 11/23/15 04:50 am Title: Chapter 5.5; Rirnk's Origins
Wait the chapter is Rirnk while there is also rink? Sigh guess its time for a reread
Author's Response: Rink is a ranked name, Rirnk is a God who happened to like the name "Rink" but not enough to take it, so he made his own similar to it.
Date: 09/21/15 06:58 pm Title: Chapter 1
I like it! It's an interesting world. I'm left wondering as to when/how the ~Gender Stuff~ is gonna happen, and whether it will be slow or fast. One minor nitpick: The accents. They are annoying. When doing accents, don't screw with the spellings of the words. Only change the word choice, and arrangement thereof. It's much easier to read that way, and less likely to offend somebody if they have the accent in question.
The idea for the names is interesting. I take it the story is set in a communistic culture, simply because a capitalistic culture values individual achievement over societal conformity (and therefore would use individual names). I might be wrong, but that's the impression I get.
Author's Response: I haven't really gotten into government, but communistic would work pretty well. The government would be considered very weak and reliant on the rich or charitable really. As for the accents, I obviously don't mean to offend but I know that some people (like me) simply can't read an accent unless it's spelled and read differently than the others. I know that later in the story the accents will die down a bit as *redacted* Glad the names interests you! I'm only worried about one thing, getting to a chapter and not fact-checking myself from earlier chapters and making a stupid consistency error because I forgot that I made X the rank before Master for School Y and called it Z or some such. Hope that made sense.
Date: 08/30/15 08:01 pm Title: Chapter 2
I found out why I thought this was redone... There's a sorry of the same name here made by someone named fruitloops or something like that... It's spelt the same way as yours and that threw me off a bit till I checked on it..... XP
Author's Response: Oh, is there? Wow, I had no idea! I struggled for days trying to think of a name... great.
Date: 08/30/15 07:07 am Title: Chapter 2
Nice... Looking forward to reading more.
Author's Response: For once I can say this with complete certainty: You won't have to wait long. I actually have the next chapter complete, but I'll wait a day or two to finish up editing and post it
Date: 08/27/15 12:24 am Title: Chapter 1
Looking forward to this as much as choices! Although the accent is an interesting choice to include.
Author's Response: It'll come and go, probably. I've never been the most consistent with accents. Glad to hear you're looking forward to it! I keep trying to write for other stories, but I'm getting nowhere quickly, while this pretty much wrote itself.