Date: 07/02/15 08:55 am Title: Chapter 1: The newborn villain
The idea is workable, you've just gotta get past the numerous grammar errors. Proper set-up will help as well, you're mostly just explaining the character instead of letting a scene do that for you.
I'll give you points for the idea, but if reading it is like riding down a gravel road on a skateboard then it's going to be difficult to read.
Author's Response: I know, but my English grammar and other language is not the best. Sorry.