Date: 08/11/15 02:14 pm Title: Dark Days At School
Any time you feel like making sense would be just fine thanks. Your spelling iss distractingly bad, the story lacks coherence and it's winding me up that you basically based your protagonist on Bruce Wayne without the decency of admitting it. I'm also puzzled as to why his Parent's company is called Yeager Industries, that simply makes no sense. Tony Stark has Stark Industries, Bruce Wayne has The Wayne Foundation , so why isn't it called Edwards Industries?
Get an editor, attend a few English classes and pay attention and rewrite this thing from the start but clear up some of the weirdness that occludes the coherency of the story. Maybe then you will have something really good
Date: 07/15/15 05:38 am Title: not so normal anymore
i'm really enjoying this story i can't wait to see more of it keep it up.
Author's Response: I am so glad you are enjoying it and kind comments like yours motivates me to keep writing. So be sure that there is more coming
Date: 07/04/15 02:28 am Title: morning routine
There's just one thing that bothers me. The story starts with him having an open wound in his stomach and then the very next scene he's leaping from the second floor and over fences and running as though nothings wrong. It's like you forgot about that little detail or something.
I'm not concerned about formatting because I'm reading this on my phone which wipes out any formating anyway.
Anyway I like this and would be interested to see where it goes. Where he got that phantom katana and such.
(By the way it always bothers me when people say 'iPads and tablets' as though they're not the same thing even though an ipads is a brand of tablet. But that's just a personal nitpick)
Author's Response: I saw it too and I did forget.so I think I will bring it in a bit in the next chapter. Can't say why because it will be a spoiler
Author's Response: I saw it too and I did forget.so I think I will bring it in a bit in the next chapter. Can't say why because it will be a spoiler for the last chapter
Author's Response: I saw it too and I did forget.so I think I will bring it in a bit in the next chapter. Can't say why because it will be a spoiler for the last chapter. It could also be that his minds not on it because he was almost late for school. It was disconnected tho.
Date: 07/01/15 03:17 pm Title: morning routine
So far I find the story very hard to read - not because the story is uninteresting, but because it seems like a wall of text. You might find it more aesthetically pleasing to view if you separated each paragraph with a line of empty space, and the same after each character speaks. It makes the story easier to read, and easier to realize who is speaking, and so on. It would improve your writing appeal greatly. I'm going to hold off giving a rating to see how things develop. I take it this is styled after some of those slice of life action-y anime's that are out there?
Author's Response: Sorry. I was writting the orginial in a separate place so i wouldnt have to rewrite the story and lose all the context. so I will definitely fix it. Thank you for the great tips
Date: 06/24/15 07:09 am Title: morning routine
wow i really like the concept and idea i can't wait to see more. my only negative thought was the "ugly face" statement from Danny it was wlrded very oddly, but other than that it looks like a good start and once again i'm looking forward to reading more (//_^)
Author's Response: Thanks so much I will definitely change the statement. The only reason for that was I had to re-write it like 6 times :(
Date: 06/24/15 12:33 am Title: morning routine
Quite the interesting story, I'm looking forward to the upcoming chapters to follow.
Oh, and you may need to do some proofreading; there are some errors that need fixing.
Author's Response: I will look at it but I can't promise that all will be fixed