Reviews For Majestic Wars
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Reviewer: Nowawoman Anonymous starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/17/17 03:59 pm Title: Chapter 12 The long night

This is a wonderful story and I just love how you have the girls come round one after the other
Well done. I hope you carry this on. Please???

Reviewer: ballpaperbox Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/11/17 07:23 am Title: Chapter 12 The long night

This story is absolutely amazing. Sadly, it seems to be on ice for now. Hopefully the author will pick it up again soon.

Author's Response: I am still alive, but life , illness, and a touch of deoression have kept me from eritting. I have not abandoned it. Just having a tough time fitting writing in.

Reviewer: Will It Work Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/01/17 12:12 am Title: Chapter 12 The long night

This was the story that made me stop lurking. A fun take on collectible card games the gets serious, fast, I had a very hard time putting this down. The story is character-driven, and memorable. Lots of fun!

Reviewer: Elygianne Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/22/16 05:42 pm Title: Chapter 12 The long night

Enjoyable as ever thanks especially Blair's developing situation, leaves you wondering what would happen if she accidentally changed back....

Reviewer: hibidie Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/10/16 12:31 pm Title: Chapter 12 The long night

i love this, its unique, please continue cant wait to see how it all ends up

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed Report
Date: 08/06/16 11:32 pm Title: Chapter 12 The long night

Wanna join us on Discord? *which is a chat site & App, and we have a chat/page (think that's what ya call it) for TGST. A link can be found in discussions.

Author's Response: I use discord for a few online guilds. I will look into the tgst when i can.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/06/16 05:19 pm Title: Chapter 12 The long night

It was worth the wait,loving the storyline still!

Author's Response: Thank you.

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 08/06/16 03:37 am Title: Chapter 12 The long night

This was a great chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks. I struggled with it a bunch

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/25/16 10:23 pm Title: Chapter 11 Summers Job

Excellent chapter. Please don't take too long to write the next one! Awesome storyline!

Author's Response: As the weather gets nicer for me, I get less free time, but I will do my best.

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/25/16 01:32 am Title: Chapter 11 Summers Job

Awesome update thanks for the work.

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 04/24/16 04:52 am Title: Chapter 11 Summers Job

I really love this story.

Reviewer: Elygianne Signed Report
Date: 04/23/16 09:50 am Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

Very enjoyable and realistic all round, looking forwards to the next story....

Reviewer: liltiger Signed Report
Date: 04/22/16 10:05 pm Title: Chapter 11 Summers Job

Ooh the plot thickens. Judging from what happened last , I have a feeling your plot will take a massive dark turn. But I hope it ain't what I think it is.
Btw, majestic wars sounds a lot like this other game I know. How is it played?

Author's Response: Since I made it up for this story Its hard to say but in my head it is a mix of Yugi-oh and Cardfight Vanguard. With a team element. If that helps

Reviewer: Kara Ryker Signed Report
Date: 03/24/16 06:17 pm Title: Chapter 10 Model employees

I'm with Skylar on this one. It feels like the situation is being handled by the company like they are just a contrived plot device in a magic story to make a situation more entangled, especially Summer's reaction. She wants to be their manager and an employee for their sponsor/employer? Conflict of interest much? I'm surprised Blair (the responsible one) or Skylar (the smart one) didn't balk at that or call for a nondisclosure agreement for the photos. An interesting development nonetheless, but I hope it gets a bit more grounded. Showing off the personalities for the camera was fun, though.

Reviewer: Kara Ryker Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/24/16 05:16 pm Title: Chapter 9 The Mysterious meeting

Oo! Now that's an interesting development! I generally dislike when magic in stories is so mysteriously reality-altering to affect the perceptions if the rest of the world, but it can be fun sometimes. This one of the few exceptions. I am particularly interested in how any of the promised Facebook photos of Blair and Reggie would be viewed by others when Blair is in guy form! Reggie might be outed by his own plan! ;)

Reviewer: Kara Ryker Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/24/16 05:08 pm Title: Chapter 8 The goodnight kiss

I really like how you handled Willow being on the defensive and her strength in the aftermath of that.

Also, a decent job with Blair, but some parts irked me just a bit. She handled the charade well when Reggie's friend, Miranda, was around, and mostly kept a level head except in the moment, which was a great touch on both ends, but I'm surprised she didn't tell Reggie to drop the charade when they were with just her friends, and even more surprised she didn't come at least partially clean when he left. It's not like he would ever have to see the other girls again. Blair could have avoided a lot of embarrassment and stayed truer to her personality (she never showed signs of being afraid to make her honest opinion known to her friends before). She could have even kept Reggie's trust by just saying she made a deal with him to act it up for his friends while not spilling the details behind why. It would been more consistent with how she acted so far. It's a minor issue though.

Great chapter overall!

Reviewer: Kara Ryker Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/24/16 04:55 pm Title: Chapter 6 - Skylar goes native

Great chapter! This is the way to flesh out an attraction: by grounding it in reality (even in a magic story). Some of the other "girls" seem to have the overly uncontrollable sexual urges that you only find in fetish stories or sexual deviants. If that's part of the magic, there needs to be some clue to that or at least some consistency. It doesn't appear to control Skylar nearly as much, even in the first several chapters. Her attraction to Miranda feels much more grounded on the person she is involved with rather than some artificial sex drive. I am actually into the budding romance here. Keep it up!

Reviewer: Kara Ryker Signed starstarstar Report
Date: 03/24/16 04:42 pm Title: Chapter 3 - Harley's Big Date

I was going to make one review for the whole story so far, but your story is intriguing and your writing good enough that I'll give a few chapters some more personal attention.

So for this chapter, and the story so far, the word that really sums it up is painful. Painful because you are a good writer, with dialogue that draws us into the characters, character's who have fleshed out personalities, decent pacing, and an interesting premise and narrative, but it's riddled with cringe-worthy moments, mostly pertaining to the contrived "girly" behavior of the characters.

It's present in the first two chapters, and it's almost expected as one of the trappings of the genre, but your writing is otherwise good enough to escape those poor trappings. Stuff like that really only has a place in poorly written wish-fulfillment fluff and overly explicit fetish material (and I know personally because I started off writing the latter before I grew out of it ;) ). It comes to a head your story during this chapter as Harley tries to futily resist "the date." Several of the situations you put her in and several of her stop-gaps bog down the other plotline going on (the tournament) so much that it breaks immersion as to what's going on, and it isn't realistic anyway.

Part of the problem is that you attribute almost all of her behaviors as "acting like a girly girl on a date," but many of them are just the typical way girls act in a normal situation, or even how people act in general regardless of gender or relationship status. On top of that, you grind the plot to a halt to remind of us of it every time.

Another part of the problem is that you seem to skirt between 3rd person omniscient POV and 3rd person limited. These breaks in plot have little place in the former beyond one or two mentions. In the latter, there is some leeway since it's more focused on the characters' perceptions rather than the truth or the plot. But even still, it gets cumbersome after a while. It would work better with a lot more subtly. Have the characters sigh, or blush, or ignore a remark instead of stopping the action to go into sentence or even paragraph length on why it's awkward or "date-like" or "girly." Readers aren't dumb, we get it after the first mention or so, and it flows much better.

The final problem I saw is that all the surrounding characters push the matter artificially. It's highly coincidental at best, but mostly just forcefully contrived. I understand why Mike pushes it and Harley's friends, and Mike obviously takes it way too far to the point of making her uncomfortable. But everyone else in the comic store? Who acts like that? I've never been in a situation where literally everyone in a setting makes such a big deal of two strangers being on a date.

Now that's enough critique. Despite my frustration with some of the things in these chapters, I struggled through this part and I'm glad I did. The story got much better and more organic once Harley accepted her feelings, and later chapters in the story are much better after you got this out of your system. Moral of my review, just because something is uncomfortable for a character, don't project too much and make it uncomfortable for the reader.

Great job overall!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your honesty. As I hope I will get better as I write more. Criticism like this is how I can learn and evolve and improve. I am very happy to receive such reviews as it will hopefully make me a better writer and make stories better.

Reviewer: Elygianne Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/16/16 04:27 pm Title: Chapter 10 Model employees

Just read the whole story in one sitting for the first time and have to say after many years that this is probably one of the best stories I've ever read, because it's the first time I've ever seen a story that goes into the emotions and feelings of girls and women rather than just the usual mere sexual objects.

The deepening conflicts between their inborn male and female psyches and how each one reacts to their personal increasingly difficult situations is very well observed and makes fascinating reading. From the extremes of Skylar to Blair at opposite ends of the spectrum to those in between is well thought out, particularly when Blair is completely wrong footed by Reggie all of which in theory I would guess could well happen in reality....

The only small problem I have is what about their original daily lives as they must have parents and homes to go back to or keep in touch with....?

Nevertheless looking forward to much more of the same - well done !

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/15/16 07:44 am Title: Chapter 10 Model employees

Excellent chapter,I can't wait for the next one.

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 03/15/16 03:31 am Title: Chapter 10 Model employees

Isn't it a conflict of interest. Hiring her as a manager?I really hope they get outside help instead.

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/26/16 09:46 pm Title: Chapter 9 The Mysterious meeting

Good to see you writing again

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/26/16 10:14 am Title: Chapter 9 The Mysterious meeting

Lol and now they've going to be models! Well done

Author's Response: Maybe.

Reviewer: Darkseide Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/26/16 07:02 am Title: Chapter 9 The Mysterious meeting

yay! the story is back! I've been waiting for this

Author's Response: So sorry for the long delay. I am really trying to get on track, but life keeps making me adult far too much.

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 02/26/16 04:42 am Title: Chapter 9 The Mysterious meeting

That's kinda insulting. So you can't play games unless you're a giant nerd? Granted, I am a giant nerd. Bur still.

I think I skipped a chapter since they're mentoring stuff that I've not seen before.

Author's Response: I am glad you caught that. It part of that character

Reviewer: BlindingFire Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/25/16 09:20 pm Title: Chapter 9 The Mysterious meeting

Just something to note, you've used the word 'dearth' in a way completely opposite to its meaning. A dearth of something means a lack or absence of it. You're looking for something more like 'there were myriads of similarly dressed girls'. Another good option would be 'multitudes'.

Author's Response: Thank you

Reviewer: Sakuraelf Signed Report
Date: 12/25/15 05:37 am Title: Chapter 8 The goodnight kiss

Sorry there has been no update for a while. Holiday blues and tribulations. The story will continue in the new year.

Reviewer: sugarandspice Signed Report
Date: 11/22/15 09:17 pm Title: Chapter 8 The goodnight kiss

I kinda sensed this chapter was going to end with a masturbation scene, why? Can't you contain yourself? Sheesh. Nice story so far. A bit clichee-ey though. Those are hard to avoid, I guess.

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/05/15 12:17 am Title: Chapter 8 The goodnight kiss

Holy crap you

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/03/15 01:15 pm Title: Chapter 8 The goodnight kiss

Awesome chapter,but the ending was surprising!

Reviewer: Proudleaf Signed Report
Date: 10/23/15 08:11 pm Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

I love the way how you tell the story and development of each of the characters. I think my favorite part of your writing is how each of the characters, despite not wanting to, can't help but slowly be drawn into the world of girl. Keep it up and I am definitely looking forward to the next installments.

Reviewer: Darkseide Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 10/21/15 07:29 am Title: Chapter 7 Willow and the boy

Wasn't expecting this to get dark and creepy, but glad to see that she's adapting!

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 10/20/15 10:12 am Title: Chapter 7 Willow and the boy

Very interesting,an excellent way to look at it,but are always are assholes out there.

Reviewer: frugalberrypie Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/25/15 04:27 am Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

Developed characters and interesting plots. Fantastic work!

Reviewer: Darkseide Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/23/15 12:31 am Title: Chapter 6 - Skylar goes native

Nice to see that Skylar is getting happy. Harley as well. Keep up the story!

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/22/15 09:40 am Title: Chapter 6 - Skylar goes native

Awesome,glad you started writing again!

Reviewer: KawaiiQueenMe Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/22/15 04:16 am Title: Chapter 6 - Skylar goes native

a wonderful chapter i just have one complaint... the story is inching along very slowly i dont want to sound like an ass it's just i like the story so much i cant wait to get into the meat of it.

Author's Response: I am sorry these chapters are a little slow as they flesh out the players a little. It will start picking up soon. I promise.

Reviewer: Kathryn Mayhew Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/03/15 11:29 pm Title: Chapter 5 - Blair's new Groove

Blair has a lot of heart and compassion to help Reggie this way, even if it may not be the best choice for reggie or her - he'd probably be better just telling people, but fear is pretty messed up how it can screw with your head. It's nice to see Blair can be a caring person, and not someone who's just annoyed and angry all the time. Cool

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/03/15 09:25 am Title: Chapter 5 - Blair's new Groove

Wow,this story gets better with every word you write!

Author's Response: Thank you. Just knowing at least one person is enjoying it makes it worth the effort.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/16/15 10:53 am Title: Chapter 4 - Beach Blanket Uh-oh

Awesome chapter,well worth the wait!

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 07/15/15 08:26 pm Title: Chapter 4 - Beach Blanket Uh-oh

Good chapter. Things certainly escalated rather quickly. I just hope that this won't turn into one of those stories where they become stuck in their new bodies. There many of those out there already and it's refreshing to find something like this.

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 07/15/15 08:25 pm Title: Chapter 4 - Beach Blanket Uh-oh

Good chapter. Things certainly escalated rather quickly. I just hope that this won't turn into one of those stories where they become stuck in their new bodies. There many of those out there already and it's refreshing to find something like this.

Reviewer: They Call Me Pepper Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/02/15 01:24 pm Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

This story has come a long way in a short time. Loved the recent chapter showing Harley's defiance and then slow acceptance of what she was and what she had with Mike. Really looking forward to the next chapter.

Reviewer: scottkuma Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/29/15 10:15 pm Title: Chapter 3 - Harley's Big Date

I really like where this is going. You're developing memorable characters, rounding out a rivalry, and showing really good promise!

You do need a SMALL amount of proofing. Things like "YOUR just lucky I guess" instead of YOU'RE can be distracting, as can when you don't cleanly separate dialogue into its own paragraphs. These are small things, though, and they don't take away from what's shaping up to be a very good story!

I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: I am a terrible proof reader, but I am striving to do better. I will strive to improve as much as i can. I know sometimes I rush, because i am so excited to share the next chapter.

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/29/15 11:34 am Title: Chapter 3 - Harley's Big Date

Awesome. That romance that you created was perfect.there were a few spots in this chapter where you used she instead of "i" making it a little bit confusing.
keep up the good work!

Reviewer: KawaiiQueenMe Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/29/15 05:03 am Title: Chapter 3 - Harley's Big Date

keep it up this story is great i can relate to as i just picked up a tcg myself as i strarted transitioning anywho good story fun read it's got a vanguard feel to it i love it can't wait to see more!!!

Reviewer: Sleethr Signed Report
Date: 06/28/15 11:44 pm Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

Good one, I like where you are taking it. It will be interesting to see what the other 3 girls are doing while Harley is on her date.

Author's Response: You will see eventually

Reviewer: jacob_wishes_to_be_a_girl Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/28/15 12:14 pm Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

WOW! The three other girls have to be attracted to the boys.

Author's Response: Maybe :)

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/28/15 12:00 pm Title: Chapter 3 - Harley's Big Date

Excellent date knight ,lol, awesome storyline , it's going great! Can't wait to see what happens next!!!👍

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/28/15 11:45 am Title: Chapter 3 - Harley's Big Date

Interesting turn of events... And I also like Lindsey Sterling's music..(Yeah, I'll admit it)... Shadows & Shatter Me are great songs... XP

And a few errors with punctuation marks, commas, & quotation marks; but nothing major...

Reviewer: Darkseide Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/20/15 06:54 pm Title: Chapter 2 - The Bet

Very interested in this story. Harley seems to have found her "True Love", as some might say. Rather interested in seeing how else the magic affects their lives, like, if the card gets damaged when they are a girl, would reality change so that friends and family would remember them always being a girl? Will one of them discover they are/were a Cheerleader? So many questions and so much interest! Keep writing!

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 06/20/15 05:03 am Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

I really like this. Good job. I'll be waiting for more.

Author's Response: Thank you

Reviewer: Kathryn Mayhew Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/17/15 01:36 pm Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

I love the newest chapter - awesome and cute!

Author's Response: The praise is appreciated

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/17/15 09:44 am Title: Chapter 2 - The Bet

Awesome chapter! And very cute, well done!

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/12/15 09:42 pm Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

I have to say this seems like a fun plot can't wait for more.I'm also ready for some funny magical hijinks.

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/06/15 05:22 pm Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

Wow, this is an very interesting story. A few errors here and there with commas and quotation mark placement, but nothing rashly other than that.

Reviewer: Sakuraelf Signed Report
Date: 06/06/15 04:11 am Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

I think i fixed the formatting issues. hope you all can enjoy it easier now

Reviewer: They Call Me Pepper Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/06/15 01:38 am Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

For a first time effort, this is very strong. I will agree that the formatting of your writing makes it rather difficult to follow (double spacing is your friend, not your enemy), but I really like the premise as well as the more developed Blair and Harley. I'd like to see Skylar and Willow get a little more fleshing out in the next chapter, but it is promising.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/05/15 02:09 pm Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

Excellent start! Loving the storyline !

Reviewer: Kathryn Mayhew Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/05/15 03:17 am Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

This was fun and enjoyable sakura - thank you for a nice story so far. I noticed that the formatting of the story could look visually better - maybe some spaces between paragraphs and sentences to sort of make a visual separation, so that your tale doesn't look like a "wall of text." Otherwise, I find it refreshing that Blair is the 'voice of reason' and that at least someone of the four of them is going "Hey guys - doesn't this strike you as potentially dangerous?" It makes sense, and is a point a lot of people ignore in their stories. And hey - a lot of Guys don't WANT to be women, and same with a lot of Women vs Men. It may be the norm on this site - but Blair's reaction is at least a nod to the fact that the majority of people are happy as they are. Its realistic and refreshing.

Reviewer: Misaania Signed Report
Date: 06/05/15 03:15 am Title: Chapter 1 Majestic Wars

I can't read it right now. It's a wall of text. It seems like something I'd read, but until you fix the spacing I can't. I find it hard to keep track of everything even with the spaces, without it it seems like a chore. Fix that and I'll take a look.

Author's Response: I think i made it better, Please let me know if the new formatting is acceptable

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