Reviews For Nurtha
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Reviewer: KagatoAC Signed Report
Date: 05/05/17 04:15 am Title: Gifted: Chainwarden

Sometimes I wish I would read the end notes before starting, I love VR games and the combination of Fallout with an Mmo was a neat start, but getting to the end and finding it was never going to continue :(

Author's Response: Oh, hey. Yeah, sorry about that. It's got a lot to do with Steph not being able to find inspiration. I actually have a backup chapter that I wrote because I tend to write a little faster than her. She ended up not being able to catch up and because I don't like taking people's character's I chose to stop myself.

Reviewer: Phoenux Signed Report
Date: 07/03/15 01:26 pm Title: Gifted: Wrapped up

I don't like him... Don't even know his but I don't... I mean really, who plays an RPG and COMPLAINS about cutscenes? Who skips out on lore? Nay sir, nay I say!! Not a true gamer tsk tsk...

Author's Response: Yeah, I don't like him either. But I need him to be cocky and a dick. He'll improve as he starts to enjoy the game, but for now, he's stuck like that.

Reviewer: Hikaro Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/24/15 02:51 pm Title: Gifted: Chainwarden

(Joke review. Remember that.)

Everything Wrong With
Chapter 4

- '"Assran, are we heading to Steelhearth now or what?"' Considering this was Steelhaven once and Steelhearth every other time, I'm just gonna keep on sinnin' this. (+1)
- '“In a moment, let’s get… Wait what’s your name?”' Dude, you sent her to fight something, then followed her, and you're only now asking for her name? (+1)
- '“My name doesn’t really matter, just call me Chainwarden.”' Of course your name doesn't matter. (+1)
- '“My name doesn’t really matter, just call me Chainwarden.”' "My name is not important" cliche. (+1)
- '“My name doesn’t really matter, just call me Chainwarden.”' And yet another thing getting sinned three times, but... Chainwarden? What idiot named you? Oh, wait. (+1)
- 'The other guy groans' You know exactly who this guy is. He's your stalker. (+1)
- 'giant rabbit that can run super fast' I'm not saying I have a problem with fantasy on the one side and sci-fi on the other but... The only thing these game devs could think about to give the fantasy people a transport is a giant rabbit? No. Not at all. No. (+1)
- 'it’s an old fashioned general store with a bunch of stuff on the walls, from daggers and swords to empty vials and red potions' No general store has these items. No general store. Laundry detergent, tampons, cereal, cookery and probably a trash can, yes. Daggers, swords, empty vials and red potions, no. (+1)
- 'holy crap those potions are expensive, 350 Face each' 'a small ticket, made of a yellow material, she places it with the potions and the price increases by 100 to 800 Face' Take note kids, health is more expensive than giant bunny rides. (+1)
- 'I’m sitting on around 4,200 Face' 'as expected, 3,423 Face left' No. No, this should not have been expected. You had a round amount to begin with and you spent a round amount. This will not leave you with an odd amount. And if you didn't start with a round amount, then why didn't you just say that to begin with? (+1)
- 'All of a sudden a gigantic rabbit comes sprinting over to the stairs grinding to a halt next to them. The people climb to their feet and start climbing the stairs.
We follow them onto the Smeep and hand our ticket to a man waiting, when everyone has boarded the man returns to the front and grabs a rein and all of a sudden we’re forced into seats as it takes off.' So... How does the giant rabbit move? Is it on all fours at all time? Is it always hunched over? Is everybody sitting on a stable seat that doesn't bounce when the rabbit hops which is what rabbits do? Does the rabbit care that it's a mode of transportation for beings it could probably step on? (+3)
- 'He shrugs, “It’s a foci, it’s expensive, but it’s worth it, it means we don’t have to share the spell for invisibility and that we can retrieve it should you betray us.”' One, this is going to be sinned for Azran and Sliver waiting this long to say "We don't trust you". (+1) Two, I'm pretty sure the term "foci" was used in the last Chainwarden chapter for the type of dagger that she stole from the asshole who tried to assault her. (+1) Also, why are you giving something expensive to someone you don't trust? (+1)
- 'very realistic and I don’t feel that strange feeling like this is a dream' This is the point of virtual reality! And at no point before this was it ever hinted that VR makes you feel like you're dreaming! (+2)
- 'As the Smeep runs, the gigantic tree fly past and the scene changes from plains and forests to deep myres and mountainous terrain and finally, bubbling mud off to the side of the road, even the odd monster venturing close to the road and fleeing as we run past. Okay, this scene is interesting. One, because a single gigantic tree is flying past. (+1) Two, because the geography makes no sense. (+1) Three, because "even the odd monster" doesn't even try to attack the giant rabbit with people riding it. (+1) And finally because if this is our first indication that, yes, the continents are changing as players venture across the world, why has it taken four chapters to learn this? (+4)
- 'two-face from the comics' DC Comics. (+1)
- 'when we enter we arrive near large stone buildings with thatched roofs. There are signs on some of the buildings designating shops and a few restaurants with people eating at tables. Beyond this section, a large section that goes on for a few miles is the gigantic second half of the city. It’s nothing like this part, it’s gray, towering overhead like a western metropolis made only of prefabricated units placed on top of each other until they touch the clouds. Clean cut curves and glass.' Is this the only city that both Gifted and Colonists live in? And there's a perfect split between Gifted and Colonists? What is this, the American South prior to 1960? (+1)
- 'Silver grabs my arm' Um... Wasn't she Sliver before? (+1)
- '“I mean, it’s really difficult”' Everything is difficult in a video game, don't you know that? (+ 1)
- '“Raiding is what I do in every single other game, I don’t see why this would be different.”' Perhaps because you've been complaining about everything, because you changed gender by playing the game, for other reasons? (+1)
- '“The entire game map is completely bullshit,” He explains, “It keeps changing and we have no clue where the dungeons appear."' No, no, no, no. If the map keeps changing, then a "map" feature, which is available in the menus, would not only be useless, but fucking idiotic to even impliment in the first place! (+3)
- 'I think it’s a mistake with coding or just a silly easter egg.' Why would short sewers be either a coding mistake or an easter egg? These are obviously incomplete. (+1)
- 'The woman named Are' Remember when I sinned Spud for his name? Yeah, this is much worse. I'm just gonna go ahead and fifty sins for this name. Any objections? (+50)
- '“Not really, but I think I understand now, you’re a PVP guild, or more precisely a bounty guild, you like killing players to bring in easy Face.”' In other words, they're the very things those "rules" are supposed to regulate. And once again, those "rules" are ignored! (+2)
- '“I’m Santa Claws”' No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!!!! Every one of those 'nos' is a sin. (+21)
- '“You can’t just ask people’s races like that Claws.”' But, why? It's an adequate question, and it's not like he's saying "Give me your credit card information", he's asking a question that makes sense within the context of the game. (+1)
- '“Isn’t Void magic incredibly difficult to learn? Why’s a newbie focusing on Void magic? I’d advise switching to something else.”' *sigh* Why is everything a main character does in almost every fantasy story ridiculously dangerous? "That's too dangerous for someone like you" cliche. (+1)
- '“So you want to give her Haste and Bullet time and hope she figures out Teleport. If she does she’ll be one of the better hunters we’ve got. Claws do you have spare parchments?”' Of course she will be, because she's a video game main character! (+1)
- 'I’m not exactly sure what Bullet time does though' Character playing a virtual reality game has never seen The Matrix. (+1)
- 'this means Gifted aren’t completely outclassed against the ranged weapons of a Colonist' Congratulations, you've discovered the rock-paper-scissors-ness of an RPG. You're supposed to be a good player, right? Or has the vile creation of e-sports ripped your brain out because you're too busy getting money? (+1)
- 'Exactly why are you getting the high ground?' Because high ground adds +5 to your agility and five sins to your stupidity. (+5)
- 'The tree shakes and I look over at the shopkeeper' How do you suddenly know he's a shopkeep? He hasn't introduced himself, and clearly there's no HUD. What indication do you have that this man that you just saw for the first time six seconds ago runs a shop? (+1)
- 'The only asshole allowed to do that is me!' That's racist. (+1)
- 'Barney the dinosaur' Barney. (+1)
- 'Barney the dinosaur' Also, you know what Barney the Dinosaur is, but you've never heard of The Matrix? (+1)
- 'Barney the dinosaur' Also, the dinosaur is red, if I remember correctly, and Barney is purple. I'm pretty sure there is a red dinosaur, but it's not Barney. (+1)
- 'Barney the dinosaur' And for a fourth sin, why the hell did you name this dinosaur?! (+1)
- 'Barney roars and slams it’s leg down on the old guy who dies immediately, blood flowing everywhere. I let Bullet time drop and swap it for the hardened skin and watch Barney carefully.' Remember that straight up murder from the last chapter? Here it is again. (+1)
- 'She messes with his body' Playing with a corpse. (+1)
- 'I frown, “Yeah. We’re partying together, and he wanted to tag along for the hunt. That’s not a problem, is it?” I look around, but can’t figure out where the Gifted is. “Can you come out? I’m not trying to backstab you, I just thought you might like the extra help.”' This line looks familiar, you say? I wonder why that is. Hrm... Let's take a look at the last chapter, 'I frown, “Yeah. We’re partying together, and he wanted to tag along for the hunt. That’s not a problem, is it?” I look around, but can’t figure out where the Gifted is. “Can you come out? I’m not trying to backstab you, I just thought you might like the extra help.”' Maybe because it's from the last chapter, you say? Oh. That's why. (+1) (Note: Because I'm in constant communication with the authors of this story, this sin was corrected before I posted this review. I don't care, though, I'm leaving the sin. And I'm adding another sin for their attempts to ruin me) (+1)
- '“Would’ve been nice to know, when I left the starting zone I had someone try to kill me. I don’t quite trust randoms unless I’m in the safety of a city zone anymore.”' I'm pretty sure I sinned this in the last chapter, but, I don't care. I'm sinning it again. (+1)
- 'Spud shakes his head and starts jogging towards it. Crackling electricity starts running up and down the length of the staff, and the air around it seems to waver. He tosses a few sticks from his vest at the Sckops, and when they hit the ground in front of it, they burst into brilliant white flame, crackling and hissing loudly. The ground in front of the Sckops explodes in a shower of earth and mud, and a second later the crack of a rifle shot is heard.' Remember last chapter, when Spud was being awesome and kicking ass? He's doing it again. (-1)
- '“Alright!” Spud yells, and runs to the opposite side, getting right up next to the Sckops’s legs. He drops a white orb on the ground behind him and keeps running. When he’s right under its chained tail, he swings his staff into it. It slams into the armor with a resounding crack, and the Sckops screeches, starting to turn to face him. It’s head ends up right over the white orb, and when the plasma bomb goes off, its head is snapped upwards, only stopping when the armor plates catch.' Why has Spud suddenly become a badass? (-1)
- '“By the way, my name’s Chainwarden, you can call me Chains.”' Remember when I sinned this name earlier? Yeah. I'm gonna do it again. (+1)

Sin Tally: 127
Sentence: Blind Date With Spud

Author's Response: I should just keep creating names until I find a name badass enough for you to take sins away, until then, I obviously need a tentacle fight. Either that or Are needs to be badass enough to counteract her name. Hmm..

Reviewer: Hikaro Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/22/15 04:45 pm Title: Colonist: Teamup

(Just covering my bases, this is a joke review, remember that.)

Everything Wrong With
Chapter 3

- 'I glance at my map, we’re still at least six hours out of Steelhaven' How can this measurement of time actually be determined if the continents are continuously changing? Or, are the continents not actually changing? This seems like something that should have been big and is now being ignored. Huh... Kinda like something else. (+1)
- 'Just like everything else in the game, the food is amazingly realistic.' Natasha continues to completely ignore what VR is supposed to do. (+1)
- 'It tastes just like greasy diner food' She also walks into a greasy diner and expects the food to taste differently. I'm gonna go ahead and give that two sins. (+2)
- 'I shrug, “East coast USA, you?”
He swallows, “I’m in the Midwest. Small world, huh?”' Wow, that's very descriptive. The both of you may as well have said "Earth". Or, "A city". (+1)
- 'and we go to get me a new outfit.' Because Spud doesn't care what he wears. Honestly, his name's Spud. He should be worrying more about that than clothes. (+1)
- 'and we go to get me a new outfit.' Isn't just like a girl to want to buy new clothes all the damn time? (+1)
- 'the earth around it is disturbed as if it was just dropped in place' Fuck you, structural integrity and potential destructive weather patterns, we ain't building no foundations! (+1)
- 'A few minutes I’ve emerged with a hologram' I'm gonna sin this for poor grammar. (+1)
- 'It’s a completely black baggy jumpsuit with lots of pockets' And I'm gonna sin this for being a purposefully ridiculous outfit. (+1)
- '“You look like a complete idiot. Do you not know how to dress yourself?”' And I'm gonna sin this for Spud being a complete fucktard. Remember what he was wearing? 'He’s wearing a tight white jumpsuit with grey pleather patches on the shoulders and elbows.' Thanks for being the pot to Natasha's kettle, Spud. (+1)
- 'we decide to go with a tight gray jumpsuit. It’s got darker patches of a thick nylon weave on my hips, shoulders, elbows, knees, and shins.' Goddamnit, now she's going with his stupid fashion statement? Three sins for a strong-willed girl giving into a bullshit outfit idea. (+3)
- 'Spud decides to only change the colors of his starter jumpsuit, opting for a blue and black color scheme.' (+4)
- 'we’ve agreed to meet back at the greasy diner' Oh, you mean that greasy diner that you didn't expect to find greasy food in? (+1)
- 'Steelhearth' Steelhearth? It was Steelhaven before. (+1)
- '“I don’t know of anything with the quality you’ll want for under 10K.” I’m about to leave when he takes his hand out of his mouth, “Actually...let me check the back. "' "I'm not sure I have what you want, let me check in the back" cliche. And for an added sin, '"I might have something I made for a client who never came to get it."' "Somebody bought this but never picked it up" cliche. (+2)
- ' “I want to see it in action, so if you do a bounty with it and let me watch, I’ll throw in the ammo for free.”' I'm not sure if this guy is a player or an NPC, but either way, he was born to be an RPG character. He's got the "Do this for me and I'll give you what you want" RPG cliche down pat. (+1)
- 'I check my downloads and see that my skills have finished downloading.' This is a VR game in the future, and download speeds are still this shitty? These skills would be a maximum 25mb download! (+1)
- 'Spud hasn’t responded to my PM, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I check my map really quickly, and see that he’s still in the same place he was in twenty minutes ago. Huh. Whatever, he’s fine, and he’ll respond when he can.' He hasn't moved, hasn't responded to your PM, and you somehow think he's fine? Bitch, that asshole's dead by now! (+1)
- 'I’m pretty sure he’s asleep' No he's not. He's obviously just waiting to go zen on that dinosaur's ass when you fuck up. (+1)
- You know what this chapter needs? Some unnecessary bullet time. 'Time slows around me' Shit! (+1)
- '“Good job, me.”' Yes, applaud yourself on a job of nothing well-done. (+1)
- 'He grins evilly up at me, “Thanks for weakening the monster for me! I probably couldn’t have made the bounty without your help!”' This guy is a dick, pure and simple. (+1)
- 'I’ll have to think of a name for it soon' I know this is an RPG, and people in RPGs always have names for their weapons, but... no, no you don't have to name your gun. (+1)
- 'The girl with black hair kicks the shopkeeper, and the Horkk steps on him. He pops. Like a grape. I cringe at the gore' So, is this guy dead? Is he now sitting in his house with a VR helmet on drooling onto the floor? How is this not straight up murder? (+1)
- 'There’s a literal wave of sound from the rifle, and I make a mental note to buy earplugs.' Clearly this girl has never actually been on a firing range. Even with earmuffs, guns are not quiet. (+1)
- 'Yep. I’ve got a cool 25,000 credits and change.' Congrats, you just murdered a man. Here's your reward. (+2)
- 'I met up with Spud, and it turns out he was getting body mods implanted.' Goddamnit, this asshole's not dead. (+1)
- '“I don’t quite trust randoms unless I’m in the safety of a city zone anymore.”' No, that's not true at all. The only randoms you trust are emo guys who give you no reason to trust them, follow you, and generally don't help. (+1)
- '“Here’s the Sckops, and here’s the notes that are online for it.”' Wow, so in the future, nobody's shamed for using a strategy guide. (+1)
- '“One thing before we do all this,” She turns to Spud grinning, “Spud? Do you need more cheese with that potato?”
Spud doesn’t miss a beat, “Only if you’re supplying,” he says with a grin.' This fucking joke. (+15)
- 'My proximity droid has made a catalogue of most of the big monsters around' Umm... 'The Horkk snaps a tentacle out, and impales my droid' 'the Horkk snorts then breathes fire, melting the chassis of my droid' Yeah, you ain't getting shit from that thing. (+2)
- 'Spud yells in response, and runs to the opposite side, getting right up next to the Sckops’s legs. He drops a plasma bomb on the ground behind him, and keeps running. When he’s right under its chained tail, he does something, and the Sckops screeches, starting to turn to face him. It’s head ends up right over the white orb, and when the plasma bomb goes off, its head is snapped upwards, only stopping when the armor plates catch.' I've gotta take a sin off for Spud actually doing something awesome. I never thought that'd happen. (-1)
- 'It shakes its head then screeches again, and snaps a tail at Spud. He manages to dodge most of the attack, but is knocked to the ground when the tail glances him. He yells something inaudible, and tosses another one of the white flares. I fire a bullet at the Sckops’s head, and the impact snaps it to the side, pulling its attention off of Spud.' Yet another awesome moment involving Spud, goddamnit! (-1)
- 'Spud shakily pushes himself to his feet, and grimaces. He takes a breath, then runs in while the Sckops is distracted. He slides between its legs, ending up underneath the Sckops. He does something which makes the Sckops shudder, then crawls out from under it, drenched in red goop.' Three scenes that are nothing but undisputed awesome that involve the stupidest character in the story. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit! Three sins removed! (-3)
- 'Spud tells me that she’s based out of Steelhearth.' It was Steelhaven before, goddamnit! (+1)

Sin Tally: 50
Sentence: Wait a minute! Bonus Round Incoming!

Spud's Name Bonus Round

- 'Spud and I make it to a new town' (+1)
- 'Spud is stronger than me' (+2)
- 'smirking at Spud' (+3)
- 'Spud sighs' (+4)
- 'Spud’s retracted his staff and clipped it onto his vest' (+5)
- 'Spud says through a mouthful of greasy hashbrowns' (+6)
- 'I glance across at Spud just as he clears his menus out' (+7)
- 'Spud wants to mod his staff some more' (+8)
- 'Spud leaves his staff with a mod bot' (+9)
- 'where Spud and I met Steve' (+10)
- 'Spud snorts as soon as he sees me' (+11)
- 'Spud decides to only change the colors of his starter jumpsuit,' (+12)
- 'I dash off a quick PM to Spud' (+13)
- 'Spud hasn’t responded to my PM' (+14)
- 'I send a PM to Spud' (+15)
- 'I met up with Spud' (+16)
- 'Spud moves to speak' (+17)
- 'Spud here’ll be a better help than I will' (+18)
- 'for you and Spud to get the kill' (+19)
- 'I glance at Spud' (+20)
- 'Spud starts flipping through menus' (+21)
- 'Spud’s found the bestiary entry' (+22)
- 'I scroll through it as Spud walks over to the girl' (+23)
- 'you can tell Spud what to do' (+24)
- 'She turns to Spud grinning' (+25)
- 'Spud? Do you need more cheese with that potato?' (+26)
- 'Spud doesn’t miss a beat' (+27)
- 'I shunt the waypoint to Spud' (+28)
- 'I see the Gifted girl and Spud' (+29)
- 'Spud starts jogging towards it' (+30)
- 'It allows Spud and the girl to get into position' (+31)
- 'Spud yells in response' (+32)
- 'snaps a tail at Spud' (+33)
- 'pulling its attention off of Spud' (+34)
- 'Spud shakily pushes himself to his feet' (+35)
- 'but can’t get to Spud' (+36)
- 'and as soon as Spud is clear he sprints out of range' (+37)
- 'get its tail ready to snap at Spud' (+38)
- 'but it lets Spud get clear' (+39)
- 'and Spud tells me' (+40)

Sin Tally: 870
Sentence: Death By Spud

Author's Response: I don't know, Hikaro. I would have gone with Spudpocalypse. It just has a better sound to it.

Reviewer: Hikaro Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/21/15 02:10 pm Title: Gifted: Wrapped up

(Note: Again, this is a joke review. Only take the rating seriously.)

Everything Wrong With -
Chapter 2

- 'Fireballs flying into a canyon with a battle raging beneath. A city of stone brick buildings with thatched roofs and stone sidewalk, with people walking within in strange armor.' I would sin this for not technically matching up with what the previous chapter said, but I'm going to sin this for the second chapter being the first time we get an adequate description of those screenshots on the back of the case. (+1)
- 'A popular game which the players run, or so the game devs say. Minimal NPCs, maximum players.' And yet they have restrictions on fighting other players. (+1)
- 'The only reason this game is in my hand is I need something to do while I’m waiting for Demons: Hellrider' Man after Amazon and Halo in the last chapter, I'm just gonna go ahead and sin this for not being product placement. (+1)
- 'I walk over to the small console and pull open the disc tray' Um... In the last chapter, Natasha had to do this, 'I lie down on my bed with the VR interface on my chest, and pop the game card into the Brain Diver' which doesn't sound at all like what this guy's doing. (+1)
- 'Do you wish to play Nurtha?' No, game helmet or what-the-hell-ever, they only put the disc in to look at the pretty menus, they absolutely do not want to play the game. (+1)
- '“The World of Nurtha is-” She starts, her face echoing.
“Skip,” I interrupt.
“There are two-”
“Skip! Skip, motherfucking skip!” I yell, drowning out her voice.' I feel like I sinned this enough in the last chapter that I should let it go, but no. I'm not going to. Add six sins. (+6)
- 'It’s an unskippable cutscene. What the fuck? Are the people who play this game brain dead or what? It’s not hard to play an MMO, it’s not hard to understand mechanics and I’m definitely not interested in seeing the world of Nurtha and I don’t want to listen to some shitty folk stories.' This guy didn't read the last chapter. (+1)
- 'It’s an unskippable cutscene.' Yeah, right, because those tend to be long and boring and absolutely not useful. Unskippable cutscenes are usually the ones you really need. (+1)
- 'It’s an unskippable cutscene.' I hate to be the guy who sins this same scene three times, but... Where was this unskippable cutscene in the last chapter? Natasha didn't have to watch a cutscene, she just had to land. And if you're going to try and tell me that was the cutscene, then the hell with it. I'm just gonna add two sins. One for the inconsistency and one for the potential explanation. (+2)
- '“Now go, go, my child, rise and be born.”' Okay, so are you trying to tell me that this flight across the lands is somehow the womb? Because that's just sinful right there. (+1)
- ' “Stupid fucking game! Who makes unskippable cutscenes!? This isn’t the 2000s. Fuck!”' Well, actually, I don't know. Natasha in the last chapter is either a teenager or in her early-mid 20s, and she remembers Halo. I have to imagine this is only set no more than 15 years into our future, and we still have unskippable cutscenes now. (+1)
- 'Sometimes the avatar does this, giving a voice that’s different' Well, considering this game is supposedly so user oriented that it doesn't let users even make their own avatars, I'd say giving the player a different voice is just plain sinful. Yep. (+1)
- ' I keep running my hands lower, down my neck, onto my chest, the dirty, red linen shirt covering two tits taking refuge in my shirt' Okay, this steamy groping scene is good enough to remove a sin. (-1)
- 'The flat stomach and the hourglass figure, the smooth crotch, lack of junk evident, “What the flying fuck on planet asshole, with the residents being shit consuming ass-monkeys!” I shriek, stumbling to my feet.' Even more groping and an incoherent curse-filled rant? Oh yeah, two sins removed for this one. (-2)
- 'I was planning to go back to the store and refund this shitty game, until I realized that it’s non-refundable, costed nearly $200' Wait a minute... So, in this future where Halo is still a thing when it's clearly on its way out in modern day, games are $200 and non-refundable? Shit, that is worth four sins, two for each piece of bullshit. (+4)
- 'Are these game devs idiots or just trying to fuck over players?' Well, considering how many of the players must skip Cortana at the beginning, I'm gonna say they deserve it. You deserve what you get for skipping the obvious AI helper that only wants to help you. It's like everybody in this story would receive two items, a piece of wood and a nail, and then somebody else walks up offering the hammer. The players of this game would apparently just pick up the nearest rock and use that rather than take the obviously better option. (+1)
- 'The tree wasn’t large in the beginning, but with my strength and the spikes weakening the tree, the entire tree comes down in a few moments. There’s an element of satisfaction in that. I sigh, well I now have to leave this hole and see what I can do, maybe if I can pick up some quests or tasks.' Taking down this tree was a monumentous and necessary action and no one can question that. No one! (+1)
- 'I have another stupid mechanic to complain about.' I bet you could have gotten this game second hand at a cheaper price. You're the idiot who payed $200 for it, shut your damn mouth. (+1)
- 'I move past the bottleneck and out into massive plains which seem to go on for miles' Hrm... The geography seems to be a little screwed up here, because just a moment ago, 'There’s a massive forest bottle necking and leading off towards what I think is a city or town' and no mention of any plains. Seems to me that you could have seen those plains if you saw the city or town. (+1)
- '“Call me sweet stuff again and I’ll feed your face to your ass, maybe you’ll shit out something that looks better.”' Whoa! There's another sin removed. (-1)
- '“So how about this,” he flies down landing in front of me and raising his staff at me, “You transfer your money to me and I’ll forget about that insult and even show you how to earn more money.”' 1970s New York decides to attack our valiant heroine. (+1)
- 'I interrupt him with the dagger and he screams out in pain and I keep stabbing him, over and over again.' This is straight up torture. Shouldn't those rules governing players fighting players come into effect sometime soon? (+1)
- '"I swear I’m going to give a GM a piece of my mind when I figure out how this shit works,”' *Sighs* If you had just listened to Co - Y'know what? I'm not even gonna mention this anymore. This one is now worth fifteen sins just so I don't have to bring this up again in future chapters. (+15)
- 'It’s nowhere near a town, it’s a small Village.' Considering you saw it from afar and likely misjudged its size, how is this the developers' problem? You say, '“What the fuck is wrong with this system, they can’t even get the maps right!”' as if they caused this on purpose, and that's not even bringing in the fact that Natasha as well as you have mentioned that the continents are constantly changing shape when you're viewing the game world from the sky. Two sins for this shit. (+2)
- 'have some fucking weirdos roleplaying in some inn' That's racist. (+1)
- 'Medium length black hair partially covering his green eyes, and stubble covering his chin.' Discount emo. (+1)
- '“I’m here to waste time productively, not waste time stupidly.”' Words cannot describe how stupid this line is. Sins can, however. (+8)
- '“You’ve got spunk, I’ll give you that, but I think wasting time whether it’s productive or stupid doesn’t change a damn thing. You’re still wasting time, and wasting time stupidly is always more fun,”' Words... failing... again... (+9)
- 'I can’t really lose anything from trusting them' Says the girl who immediately didn't trust the last guy she came across. (+1)
- '“You need to grab a standing bounty and then go hunt it."' Congrats, you've just explained a thing that doesn't need to be explained to anyone with passing knowledge of the term "bounty hunter". (+1)
- '“A really good bounty, not so good for you though,”' Is it: A) Azran himself? B) Our intrepid heroine? C) Random character we haven't met to be introduced later? D) Gandalf the White? (+1)
- '“A really good bounty, not so good for you though,”' "It's awesome but not for you" cliche. (+1)
- '“Whoa, I’m not sure a poison monster is a great quest for you, getting poisoned kinda sucks as a Gifted, you’ll have to wait for it to fade,” he warns.
“That’s fine, I’ll manage.”' "Don't do this, it's too dangerous" "I'll manage" cliche. (+1)
- '“It’s fine, no skin off my nose, do whatever you want, we’ll be around here. If you survive that is.”' "I don't care if you die, we'll be here if you don't" cliche. (+1)
- '“Oh, yeah, considering I’m doing what you want, you owe me something,”' "I'm doing this because of you and you owe me" cliche, jeez, somebody cranked up the Cliche Machine and said "This is awesome!" didn't they? (+1)
- '“How can I trust you?” I say, suspicious.' Oh, now you're suspcious of them? Goddamnit. (+1)
- '“You could just ignore our attempts to help you and run off and die, it doesn’t matter to me.”' I'm gonna take a sin off for this chick saying something that makes sense. (-1)
- 'explosive poison, neat,' I'm not sure there's anyone on any world on any plane of existence who thinks that explosive poison, a very impractical kind of poison anyway, is "neat". (+1)
- 'The chain in my hand slackens and I start falling towards the water, I raise the dagger, sending shards of ice towards the Pondarr and the water. the Pondarr is about halfway in the water, trying to swim and then gets hit by the ice, which covers it and freezes the water turning it into a large ice sculpture.' I'mma take a sin off for this scene being awesome. (-1)
- 'The light in front of me shimmers, and familiar black chain appears, I look up to see that Azran guy with his mace in his hand, runic marking shining on it, “You followed me,” I groan.' See, he follows you, but you trusted him right away. The girl before didn't do anything to earn any distrust, and but she wasn't trustworthy for some reason? Yeah, Bullshit. (+1)
- 'He laughs, “Let’s head back, I’ll tell you how we’ll get to the city.”' I wouldn't. She'll ignore you. (+1)
- It only took ten hours of Transformers movies for Grimlock to show up. Oh, wait, this isn't Transformers. Sin for this not having Grimlock from Transformers. (+1)

Sin Tally: 70
Sentence: Into the Fires of Mount Doom (From whence it came)

Author's Response: CinemaSins your CinemaSins? Nah. Too much effort and not much sense. It was fun while it lasted, but obviously according to these rules I need more pure unadulterated awesome, groping and swearing. Apparently I need a tentacle fight... It was fun. Is it okay if I feel happy about having sins that is a round number? Cause I am.

Reviewer: Hikaro Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/20/15 01:51 pm Title: Colonist: Nurtha

Note: This is a joke review, so don't take it seriously. Just take the rating seriously, because that's the only thing that is.

For this review, I'm going to write it in the spirit of CinemaSins.

- 'I open the Amazon box' Amazon (+1)
- 'There’s a blurb about the game' Blurb about the game is ignored (+1)
- 'It looks like the generic medieval fantasy rpgs that are a dime a dozen on the back. The front has a complicated, organic spaceship orbiting a planet with two rings and a large moon.' Front of the case shows something that looks like the poster for Interstellar, but the back of the case shows a generic medieval fantasy game, these two things don't go together. (+1)
- 'I lie down on my bed with the VR interface on my chest, and pop the game card into the Brain Diver. It hums for a second, then a green light appears on it. I slide it on, and make sure that none of the cables are kinked, then strap the chin strap, and press the button to start it. The visor slides down over my face, and I feel the helmet press against my head to keep itself from moving. I close my eyes, and the helmet begins syncing.
A glowing patch of light moves in front of my eyes, tracing out the shape of an infinity symbol. The letters “BD” appear underneath the patch of light. I wait for the helmet to sync, and when it asks me if I want to play Nurtha I say yes. A blinding white light flashes in my eyes, then the rest of my senses are checked with sounds, smells, flavors, and feelings. I blink to clear my eyes, and the planet and ship from the box slowly fade into view. A shadowy female figure appears in front of me and begins to explain the two factions of the game.' Advanced virtual reality (+1)
- '“Skip all.” I say. I already know which faction I’m picking.
I listen to it for a few seconds, then tune it out. It’s just generic technobabble.' Still ignoring blurbs and useful information, are you trying to cause the wrath of something that's likely hidden in the game? (+1)
- 'It’s not like the chunky drop pods in the old Halo games.' Halo. (+1)
- 'Directly in front of me is a recessed red button. I don’t push it.' Somebody's seen Men in Black. (+1)
- ' I glance up to the top of my pod, and see the words, “Avatar Generating…”' Are they blue people? I bet they're blue people. (+1)
- 'A small handgun emerges from a hidden panel in the seat beside me' Yes, because this is not something that you would have ready before getting in the drop pod. (+1)
- 'Holy shit. The world is incredible. It feels one hundred percent real.' I would ding this just because the point of virtual reality is to make something look and feel real, but I'm actually going to take a moment to point out that earlier you said 'The continents look like they’re actually changing' which is not something that any real world does. (+1)
- 'The pod has a handy mirror for looking at myself' Because that's something that drop pods have all the time. (+1)
- 'I’m about five-foot eleven and willowy. I’ve got a cute, if somewhat angular, face, and long brown hair that’s pulled back in a tight ponytail. My eyes are a deep chocolate, and are shaped about like mine in the real world. I’m wearing a shifting, loose set of sheer cream robes with a skin-tight white jumpsuit underneath.' Shouldn't you have already known this? Shouldn't you have decided what your avatar looked like before getting slammed in a drop pod and shot down to this world? That's how games work today. (+1)
- 'I’m not quite sure what energy does, but I assume I’ll figure it out soon enough.' See. If you'd listened to Cortana earlier, or perhaps taken a look at the packaged instruction manual, you'd know exactly what energy does. But, instead, you chose to ignore everything and now you're probably going to suffer the wrath of the AI Gods, it's almost obvious. (+1)
- 'He’s wearing a tight white jumpsuit with grey pleather patches on the shoulders and elbows' Pleather. (+1)
- 'The boy is trying hard not to stare at my breasts, and I feel a sense of sick satisfaction growing in my gut as he quite obviously fails.' Not only is this guy trying not to stare at her, she's satisfied that he's not. Every girl who's breasts I stare at tends to slap me instead of liking it. (+2)
- 'There’s not any tutorial level for the game. It just drops you in and lets you sink or swim.' See, maybe if you'd listened to Cortana earlier, or taken a look at the packaged instruction manual... *sighs* I know. I know. I've already sinned this once. This time it's worth two sins. (+2)
- '“Works for me. Wanna buddy up until we figure out what the hell we’re doing?” He doesn’t wait for my response, and instead starts walking down the top of the grassy hill we’ve landed on.' Guy asks girl to join him on his quest and then apparently decides that walking away from her will mean she says yes. (+1) And the worst part is...
- 'I follow him down the hill, “Sure. Where are we going, oh fearless leader?”' It works. (+1)
- 'I found a section labelled “skills” earlier, and I want to see what that was about, because the game isn’t supposed to have skills' Well, y'see, how do you know this? You ignored all the blurbs, the packaged instruction manual, any information that Cortana gave you. You walked into this blind. And if you did do some research, why don't you know more? Did you just read that there were two factions and blindy decide "I'm gonna be a colonist!" and go on your merry way? This gets three sins. (+3)
- '“I don’t know. I’m looking for the region map so I can find a town or something.”' I doubt finding a map would help if 'The continents look like they’re actually changing'. The cities would likely be changing, too. (+1)
- 'I quickly flip through the screens, and pull up the region map.' So, instead of just telling him where the map is, you just emasculate him by finding it within seconds while he's been looking for awhile. (+1)
- 'The game didn’t ask for a username' So let me get this straight. This game asks you one thing, and only one thing, and that's for your faction. It doesn't ask for a name, it doesn't let you pick your avatar desgin, and if you skip what Cortana tells you, you're shit out of luck in every way shape and form. Yeah, nobody would play this game. (+1)
- '“Uhhh...I guess my gamertag? I use Spudnugget on Live, so Spud?”' There's a few sins here. An advanced virtual reality gaming rig is going to use Xbox Live gamertags. (+1) Xbox Live. (+1) And this guy's name. (+1)
- '“Let’s see if I can figure out how to add you to my contacts…”
After a suitably confusing and infuriating five minutes, we’ve figured out how to work the contact system, and have each other added as contacts. ' *Sigh* I'm gonna add another four sins because this is the fourth time you've had a hard time doing something that could have been easily dealt with by, at the very least, reading the packaged instruction booklet. (+4)
- '“Thanks for the heads up, Princess.”' That's racist. (+1)
- 'There is a large red lever that looks like it could be used to open the door manually.' A red button and now a red lever, if a red doorknob or something like that shows up later, I'm going to be both not-surprised and very-pissed. (+1)
- 'I guess the Colonists believe in redundancy.' Natasha just randomly seems to believe the Colonists built this building. (+1)
- ' There’s a man behind the counter with half of his head replaced by gleaming metal. He has a whirring, mechanical eye that, seemingly at random, blinks different colors.' Double cameo! Mortal Kombat's Kano and that dude from The Last Starfighter! (+2)
- 'I’m not sure what he could make with all of those things, but I think it’s a safe bet that there aren’t many things he couldn’t make.' No, I bet he's McGuyver. (+1)
- '“I’ll explain what the game’s about in a second..."' I can almost guarantee they'll ignore you. Natasha at least. She's ignored everything else at this point. (+1)
- Also, why is the game leaving it up to somebody that people would come across randomly to explain the game? They didn't have to enter this building, I'm sure probably a thousand people have completely ignored it. This seems like a poor game mechanic. (+1)
- 'The robot beeps, then goes into the back room through a sliding door in the wall with Spud’s staff. It begins operating the complicated machines in the back, first cutting the staff into pieces, then welding and running wires and such. After about thirty seconds I lose track of what’s going on.' Told you. He's McGuyver. (+1)
- ' “Nobody is gonna actually die if you accidentally shoot them, but the game will put a bounty on you, and whoever you shot will be pretty pissed off.”' Game that relys on multiple people playing it puts a restriction on players fighting other players. I guess there's no human enemies in this game. (+1)
- '“I’ll get to that in a second, but first I want to show you how to mod your gun.”' "Im going to tell you, but first I have to tell you this trival piece of information you could have learned from the instructions" video game cliche. (+1)
- 'I suggest that until you learn how to do it yourself..."' Considering how much else has either been left up to the players to figure out or put in the instructions for the players to ignore, it seems "learn[ing] how to do it yourself" should be the name of the game. (+1)
- '“Now, I’m part of a welcoming committee for my corp. It’s my job to help out new players, and give them an intro to the game. It’s why I’m camped out in this town. You’re lucky you ended up here. We keep the area clear of noob hunters, but other noob spawns aren’t so lucky. You can call me Steve.”' See, this game assumes people are going to wander upon this random building and talk to this guy. The developers could have easily put every bit of his introductory information to Cortana at the beginning, which would have been the smarter option anyway. The devs have doomed noobs to immediate loss because not everybody spawns near this town. (+5)
- 'By the time he’s done, I have a good understanding of how most of the basic mechanics work, and a tentative understanding of the more complex ones.' So Natasha listens to this guy, but Cortana at the beginning could go fuck off? Sin, sin, sin, sin, sin! (+5)
- 'you can mod your avatar' This should have been done at the beginning of the game! (+1)
- '"The game’s pre-generated outfits are absolute crap.”' Then why doesn't the game allow you to pick your clothes to begin with? If everyone admits that the pre-generated outfits are crap, then why are there pre-generated outfits at all?! (+1)
- '“Okay, that’s all I can do for you guys..." You're acting as if you're sending them out with a solitary candle and a lone matchstick! You've done more for them than any one or thing at this point! Of course, if they'd just read the packaged instruction manual... (+1)
- '“No clue. Wanna figure it out, oh Map Master?”' That's racist! (+1)

Sin Tally: 55
Verdict: Jacked (but not into the Matrix)

Author's Response: Huh. Better than Man of Steel. Not too bad. To be honest, half of the stuff you pointed out will become clear later, so keep reading. However, if you would have just listened to what Nat said..."I listen to it for a few seconds, then tune it out. Itís just generic technobabble." She wasn't lying. It really was useless technobabble. So, by my count, assuming that you ignore all the sins that had to do with not listening to cortana, my score is: 39

Not bad.

Reviewer: NatalieRath Signed Report
Date: 05/20/15 07:22 am Title: Gifted: Chainwarden

Interesting

Reviewer: Sanro Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/19/15 02:10 pm Title: Gifted: Chainwarden

This was so awesome loved it from the gifted perspective she is awesome ty misaania 😍👏👏😘c6;😍

Author's Response: No problem. It seems we might try doing the team-ups in a different style from now on.

Reviewer: Sanro Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/19/15 11:51 am Title: Colonist: Teamup

It's really good thanks 😍👏

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 05/10/15 01:53 pm Title: Colonist: Nurtha

Interesting start.

Author's Response: Thanks Roadbandit! If you wouldn't mind saying, what interests you about it?

Reviewer: Sanro Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/10/15 07:06 am Title: Gifted: Wrapped up

Awesome missania this is really interesting n loved it hope to read more of betrayer n dealer too 😍😘😱😍thanks

Author's Response: Glad you liked it, I'll see what I can do with Betrayer soon then.

Reviewer: Sanro Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/10/15 06:41 am Title: Colonist: Nurtha

This is going to be amazing 😍👏👏

Author's Response: We certainly hope so! We're almost done with the next pair of chapters, so you should be seeing them soon.

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/10/15 12:03 am Title: Gifted: Wrapped up

I'm liking this story more and more...

Author's Response: Glad you like it, this is just the beginning, we might have more planned soon.

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/09/15 11:23 pm Title: Colonist: Nurtha

Wow... This story is quite intriguing...

Author's Response: Thanks! We're definitely trying lol.

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