Date: 05/17/15 08:11 pm Title: Chapter 1. The Road to Hell
Really well written story. I went into it with low expectations and found them surpassed. The plot kept me interested and engaged and I was disappointed when the story ended.
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words, xexter. The second story of the series has already been started if you'd like to continue to follow Rachel's adventures. What could I have done to increase your initial expectations? Was the description too dreary?
Date: 05/16/15 10:18 pm Title: Chapter 10. All Roads Lead Home Again
I like this story. You use the description well, making it something the reader wonders about until the end, where you explain it. You have good description, and the main character is believable. I did not notice any grammar errors at all, though considering there are good stories on this site with more words in the first chapter than in this entire story (I'm looking at you, Castaways) the lack of grammatical error is pretty standard for someone who cares about it. You honestly use foreshadowing in a similar manner to someone like Charles Dickens, in the way that you wonder about it through the entire book. And you don't even spoil it on the back! The brevity of this story is something to admire, as you fleshed out the plot in a really well-paced manner. Overall, I think this story deserves the 5, as most stories I bother to login to review do.
Author's Response: Thank you Aura! Being compared to Charles Dickens is certainly very heady! He is an inspiration! I think I'll go read "A Tale of Two Cities" again. I hope you enjoy the next story as much as you did the first.
Date: 05/16/15 04:09 pm Title: Chapter 4. The Road to Fearless
Generally, when one is forty, I've noticed that people gain a soft spot for facts. Conservatively minded or not, facts are still undisputable, and gaining trust is never a liability. That's why this story doesn't quite click for me; the GeoffRachel is a sound individual, if a little naive, and judging by their ability to recall advanced concepts in mathematics and personal life (beginning with family members but should also end in bank account specifics, national identifaction information such as social security number, national insurance number, or regional national id etc.) The case could be made that she could claim that shecould tell the Dr. That her one truth is that she "might have been Geoff West" without fear of being immediately thrown into an asylum.
I know it doesn't fit the narrative, and that any complications will be either fixed or approached in the narrative (hopefully) but I just can't see a reasonable adult (who seems to come from a supposedly sedintary background like Geoff's) could come to.
it's a good premise, I just know that I'm going to be irked with what else happens in the story here on.
Author's Response: These are good point, Cloudwork, and I actually wrestled with them while writing the story. I should point out that the version I keep on my 'puter is much longer, and contains oratory by Dr. Gaulin on just what circumstances people get put into asylums, and delusions of living a previous life isn't one of them. However, I felt this was far too much exposition and not enough story. Also, as should become evident soon in the story for you, Rachel isn't entirely all Geoff, nor entirely all Rachel, and her motives keep shifting between the two perspectives of mature man and teenage girl. I'm also new here, and was writing to what I thought the audience was looking for. I've been advised in private email that there's room here for a more serious treatment of TG issue and mental health, so future writings will probably take a different vein. I hope you'll give the series a second chance, and I look forward to your future comments!
Date: 05/16/15 03:59 pm Title: Chapter 1. The Road to Hell
A very interesting premise and engaging story. I've always liked stories about gifted people with a purpose, and the larger picture that is hinted at has me intrigued. Please write more.
Author's Response: Thank you, Zingowner! More is coming!
Date: 05/15/15 11:16 am Title: Chapter 10. All Roads Lead Home Again
I really like this story. Rachel came a long way in such a short time and it seems like there was a true lesson learned from the mistakes of her past. I wouldn't mind seeing something in the future from her, how she grows up in this new life.
Author's Response: The second story in the life of Rachel is being posted even as I type! I hope you continue to enjoy it!
Date: 05/14/15 12:56 am Title: Chapter 10. All Roads Lead Home Again
Looking for excuses.... School, abductions, bullies, family, coming to know one's new self?..... So many reasons, just take your pick...! XD
Author's Response: Oh, I have plenty of story lines. I worry there isn't enough audience, though. I know more than 10,000 people have clicked on it, but I don't know how many have actually read it. Also, I have several non-TG story projects I need to finish.
Date: 05/13/15 10:50 pm Title: Chapter 10. All Roads Lead Home Again
Excellent story so far....
Author's Response: Thank you, Jacks-O-Lance! The story is complete. Not sure why not, but the COMPLETE check box didn't take the first time. I'm sure I did something wrong. But it shows complete now. Now you know how and why Rachel came to be. I'm looking for excuses to write the next story in the series.
Date: 05/13/15 05:14 am Title: Chapter 8. The Road to Rennes
Well done can't wait for more definitely going to track this one
Author's Response: Thank you, aquerty! I just put up "Chapter 9: The Road to Arabesque" for your reading pleasure. I hope it entertains, though it is meant more as a pensive interlude. More chapters are on the way!
Date: 05/10/15 12:07 pm Title: Chapter 1. The Road to Hell
Interesting story indeed. On top of that, I haven't spotted a single grammatical error.
I'm eager to see what's next!
Author's Response: Glad you like it! (Though I'm unsure of what to make of the remark on grammatical errors. Of all the descriptions of my stories, this is the first time someone said they were "grammatically correct.") I've added Chapter 3 "The Road to Recovery" but for some reason it doesn't show up in the Table of Contents. You'll have to select Chapter 2, then click on Next Page.