Reviews For Cheerleaders
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: Jessica0016 Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/18/16 04:00 am Title: Chapter 4

Great story please write more

Reviewer: EBacon94 Signed starstarstar Report
Date: 03/18/16 02:28 am Title: Chapter 1

The story has an okay premise but Kelly doesn't object to anything that a normal guy would. Why would he wear a sports bra? Why would he ok okay with his mom putting him in a skirt when they arrived home. Your story lacks character depth and there is no development other than him wearing girls clothes. The story has been done time and time again which I don't have a problem with but when its done basicly in the exact same way then it could be better. The chapters are all really short. Sorry about the negative review but this is how all writers get better :). I look forward to reading more.

Reviewer: The Guy of the Internet Signed starstarstar Report
Date: 03/16/16 03:04 pm Title: Chapter 1

Nice, but totally not unique and is quite short.

Reviewer: Jessieca250 Signed Report
Date: 03/16/16 12:14 am Title: Chapter 1

Great story I hope you continue this story

Reviewer: Anjali shree Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 10/22/15 05:00 pm Title: Chapter 3

Super

Reviewer: Jessieca250 Signed Report
Date: 09/16/15 04:42 am Title: Chapter 1

Please continue this story. Really would like to read the rest

Reviewer: Jessieca250 Signed Report
Date: 06/11/15 05:33 pm Title: Chapter 3

I hope there more to this story really want more

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstar Report
Date: 05/18/15 03:09 pm Title: Chapter 3

Okay. This rubs me the wrong way for a few reasons, but first I want to say that your premise isn't bad. It's contrived, but on the site, contrived is a dime a dozen, and I can't fault you on that.

My first issue has to do with the spacing of paragraphs. You need a blank line between each paragraph. You can do that with two line break html tags < br >< br > (remove the spaces), or by just pressing the return button twice. As it stands, it's hard to read.

My second issue is with the characterization. It seems a little weird for the Main Character (MC) to just go along with this no problem. You would think that he would protest a little more to being dressed up like a girl and taken to try out for the cheer team. So unless this is deliberate on your part, I would suggest you rework it a little.

My third issue has to do with how your MC knows how to cheer. If he's never been on a cheer team before, then how on earth does he know enough to be one of the best kids in the squad? You might consider rewriting it so that he has done gymnastics/tumbling/been on a cheer team previously. It would also greatly help with your second issue, possibly making it a non-issue.

My fourth issue has to do with the usage of the image on the third chapter. I assume that you did not receive permission from the copyright holder to use it in this story? If not, then you are liable for plagiarism, and should remove it post-haste. If you did receive permission, then why did you pick an image with a watermark, and not post that you recieved permission? It makes the story look bad. Either way, you should remove the picture because it doesn't do anything for the story, and looks like you are compensating for not writing much.

My final issue has to do with chapter length. Each of these chapters is tiny. You could really expand upon them, and strive for at least 500 words per chapter at a minimum, or post them more frequently. Despite the issues I have previously addressed, this isn't a bad little story, and posting 2 or 3 hundred words per bi-monthly update is frustrating for readers.

Also, you never want a review that's longer than the chapter it's reviewing (trust me, I've gotten them and they knocked me down a peg or two). Long reviews are bad. You want short reviews with encouragement and a few things that the reader liked or didn't like. About 100 words at most. This one is about five hundred (I've gotten 2000 word reviews before, and they're terrifying).

All of this being said, I don't dislike the story. It's not too bad, but readability, plot holes, and the length turns me off of it. Fix these things, and you might have a nice little story.

Reviewer: AlexisLyons Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/15/15 06:14 pm Title: Chapter 3

I can't wait for the next chapter

Reviewer: Emily Signed starstar Report
Date: 04/26/15 10:33 am Title: Chapter 1

The chapters are really short, the idea behind the story has been done time and time again.

You must login (register) to review.
TG Storytime uses the eFiction engine and Vanilla discussions. Design by J6P.