Reviews For Love Bites
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Reviewer: Musicat Signed starstar Report
Date: 01/31/17 08:36 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

Well, first, the plot is kind of weak, second, it was just poorly written, third, it wasn't interesting for me. I'm not saying that other people won't enjoy this story, but for me, ya.

Author's Response: Fair enough, thanks for replying...

Reviewer: Musicat Signed starstar Report
Date: 01/30/17 09:25 am Title: Chapter 21: Sexual Interrogations

Poorly written.

Author's Response: Explain why...

Reviewer: Musicat Signed starstar Report
Date: 01/30/17 09:17 am Title: Chapter 21: Sexual Interrogations

Poorly written.

Author's Response: How so?

Reviewer: grabber_blue Signed Report
Date: 01/30/17 02:52 am Title: Chapter 21: Sexual Interrogations

Loved it. Was actually about to message you asking when a new one would be out

Author's Response: Glad you liked; and yeah, I just haven't been as motivated to do anymore chapters as of late...*I've been on a Anime & mobile gaming kick as of late..

Reviewer: grabber_blue Signed Report
Date: 12/15/16 05:52 am Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

You are fine ^-^ no rush at all

Reviewer: grabber_blue Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 10/09/16 07:31 am Title: Chapter 20: Fear The Reaper

Iv been waiting on a update for soooooooooooo looonnnggggg 😭
I need more. I hope ivy get super powerful and beomes strong as fuck and shocks lindsey.
Need more 😍
Also need to go back threw all your chapters and fix spelling. You repeat words a lot. And get names mixed up a couple times. And other things

Author's Response: Gonna take a bit, I'm struggling with RL issues as of late; so I'll start back when I can resolve my issues. *As for editing my work: I know, there is still much I need to fix.

Reviewer: grabber_blue Signed Report
Date: 09/22/16 02:09 am Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

Hope there's more to come :o
I'm on my toes trying to be patient x.x it's not working hahahaha

Author's Response: There will be, just going to take some time.

Reviewer: grabber_blue Signed Report
Date: 04/22/16 03:02 am Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

More plzzz x.x

Author's Response: In due time, I've been busy (and mostly lazy) as of late... So I'll get to it when I have a chance to...

Reviewer: Selvanius Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/06/15 05:08 am Title: Chapter 19: The Shadows of Fate

More please!!! This story is awesome, but leaving on a cliff hanger is mean! ;P

Author's Response: I'll get back to it eventually... I'm just being lazy and let y'all "hang around" for a while till I get back to writing it again... Right now, I'm just too into a few mobile games I'm playing... Jurassic World: The Game, Mobile Strike, Monster Island, & Farm Hero Saga... Yes, I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to games... XP

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 10/30/15 01:50 am Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

Just Google overlord (anime) and you'll see. It's so similar.

Author's Response: Very well... Thank you.

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 10/29/15 04:26 pm Title: Chapter 19: The Shadows of Fate

Momonga-sama makes an appearance.

Author's Response: No idea who you're talking.... You'd have to know about my other story (TGR) to even guess... XP

Reviewer: Lethaldaza Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 10/29/15 04:01 am Title: Chapter 19: The Shadows of Fate

as usual Jacks your story is great as always loving it

Author's Response: Thank you, I appreciate your review... XD

Reviewer: KawaiiQueenMe Signed Report
Date: 10/02/15 08:59 am Title: Chapter 18: Bloody Hell

whooooo telll ussssssssssssss!

Author's Response: All will be revealed sooner or later....

Reviewer: TmC Signed Report
Date: 10/02/15 03:42 am Title: Chapter 18: Bloody Hell

Cliffhangers! They're As evil as those demons. Why do you torture us like this?

Author's Response: Because anticipation is a key to learning patience.... XP

Reviewer: Lethaldaza Signed Report
Date: 10/02/15 12:18 am Title: Chapter 18: Bloody Hell

loving your story jacks

Author's Response: Thanks...

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed Report
Date: 09/27/15 12:49 am Title: Chapter 17: Wasted

And so, the series continues as we await what will happen, as well as to find out who that mystery boss is and what or whom he's after...XD

Author's Response: We couldn't have said it better ourselves... XP

Reviewer: Lethaldaza Signed Report
Date: 09/08/15 11:28 pm Title: Chapter 17: Wasted

I have enjoyed the last 2 chapters so much I have loved them Jacks

Author's Response: Good to hear...

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/02/15 01:00 am Title: Chapter 16: Girl's Night Out

Damn, I wonder what I can do to make this better? XP

Author's Response: Indeed... XD

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/23/15 10:46 am Title: Chapter 15: Insight

I didn't see that coming,wanted more fun and games first!

Author's Response: Heh... We'll see... And thanks for your review. (And congrats on being the 'Most Prolific Reviewer'. XD)

Reviewer: Lethaldaza Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/22/15 10:31 pm Title: Chapter 15: Insight

loving it jacks like your surprise as always

Author's Response: Thank you, my young Padawan. XD

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed Report
Date: 08/18/15 08:04 pm Title: Chapter 14: Taking It All In

Ch 15 is currently in the works, so this is gonna be epic... XP

Author's Response: Now I'm working on ch 17.... And so on! XP

Reviewer: a1993 Signed Report
Date: 08/04/15 04:06 pm Title: Chapter 14: Taking It All In

Really enjoying this

Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it...

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/20/15 09:31 am Title: Chapter 14: Taking It All In

Interesting !

Author's Response: Indeed... And it'll continue to be...Interesting... XP

Reviewer: Lethaldaza Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/18/15 09:35 am Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

You are always welcome jacks

Author's Response: XP.... Yep, to you as well...XD

Reviewer: Lethaldaza Signed Report
Date: 07/18/15 01:36 am Title: Chapter 14: Taking It All In

enjoying it still jack loving it

Author's Response: Thank you.... ;D

Reviewer: a1993 Signed Report
Date: 06/30/15 02:16 pm Title: Chapter 13: Release

looking forward to more

Author's Response: Thank you, glad you like it.... XD

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 06/25/15 09:28 am Title: Chapter 13: Release

A little boring,but I guess you need it to fill out the story.

Author's Response: Meh, it has it's purpose.... XP

Reviewer: darwen98 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/23/15 11:27 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

loving it as always jacks and thank you for helping me

Author's Response: Thank you; and don't mention it, it's what I do... XD

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstar Report
Date: 06/04/15 10:43 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

So I've been hearing about you here and there for a bit now, and decided to check out your story. Here're are my first thoughts.

The first thing that I noticed was the dialogue. It reads as very stilted and forced. It doesn't sound like what real people would say at all. It's almost like a play; too dramatic and overblown. Additionally, you can't go more than a paragraph without seeing an exclamation point. People aren't running around yelling all the time. Don't make your characters do this. The vast majority of the time, a period will suffice.

Granted, dialogue is freaking hard, but I think that you could do better than this. You obviously put time and effort and energy into writing this, so I would like to see you put that same effort into learning how to do dialogue well.

The second thing that I noticed was your usage of the '&' sign. I'm sorry, but you just can't do that. It's just as easy to write out the word 'and,' and it comes off as much more professional and polished. If you only went and fixed this one thing, the story would have a much better presentation. Overall a minor point, but very jarring nonetheless.

Thirdly, the flow and pacing. In nearly 800 words, you have gone from breakup to dead mother to crying in a graveyard to enigmatic figure. It moves waaay too quickly. Let things breathe. I can and have spent thousands of words on a few minutes in story-time. This chapter spans over four hours in less than a thousand words. The breakup is an incredibly important part of the story. You should spend more than seven short paragraphs on it.

Now, characterization. I have no idea who any of the characters are. They're just plot devices saying and doing things with no clear reasoning. Your main character goes from a breakup to suicidal ideation. This...doesn't track. Most people don't react that extremely and if your character is one of the few who does, he better have a pretty darned good reason for doing so. As it stands, there isn't really enough to justify it. And yes, I realize the mother was killed, but I'm assuming that happened years ago. He would be over it by now.

I imagine you've heard this before, but it bears repeating: show don't tell. I don't want to be told that

"He was in shock and very much upset as his girlfriend of 6 months decided to end their relationship on one of the worst days, his birthday."

I want to know what the shock and upset feels like. I want to know why his girlfriend decided to break up on that particular day. I don't want to hear that he's upset or in shock. I want you to show it. It's the difference between this:

Arnold stared at the pie.

And this:

Arnold stared at the pie, his gaze boring into it. Oh how good it would feel in his stomach! He barely resisted the urge to gobble it up right then and there.

You tell me which you prefer. I like the second much more.

Description. I have no image in my mind for any of the locations. There's nothing that firmly nails down the scene for me, and that's bad. For all I know, the breakup could have happened in an alien spaceship while David was being probed by some seriously messed up aliens. I imagine that it didn't, but you never show us that.

We don't know if they were out on a date. We don't know if they were right about to do the do in a love suite when David said something dumb. We just don't know.

You need to spend time setting the scene for us. The only description of any of the characters or scenes is when David's staring in the sky, and of the enigmatic figure. I want to know what everybody and everything looks like. It's important to me.

And finally, proofreading. You really need to go through and fix the grammar in the story. There are too many mistakes for me to point out for you, but if I'm recalling correctly, there are free programs online that will do a cursory proofread for you. It won't catch the more subtle mistakes, but it will find the major ones.

Author's Response: Whoa, impressive review.... Just know I haven't been doing this for very long, I'm limited to what I can do, and a bunch of other stuff... I'll be sure to fix/change it whenever I can get a chance to do it. Also note that I did all of this on a phone and that it can be problematic to correct/fix anything on here.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/22/15 01:29 am Title: Chapter 12: Punishment Required

Loving it!

Author's Response: Glad you liked it...! XD

Reviewer: Person42 Signed Report
Date: 05/21/15 09:06 pm Title: Chapter 12: Punishment Required

I... am not honestly sure how to respond. I caught up and... okay. Let's just go with this. Waaay too dramatic. Not every piece of dialogue needs to end in "!?"

Author's Response: True, but it's a force of habit..... XD

Reviewer: Luthien Signed Report
Date: 05/16/15 04:03 pm Title: Chapter 6: A Vengeful Desire

Just a thought - If the only dirty secret Logan had was a stash of pornography, then he really wasn't trying.

Author's Response: Perhaps, but not all secrets are so materialistic.... XD

Reviewer: Luthien Signed Report
Date: 05/16/15 03:54 pm Title: Chapter 3: Her True Intentions

Oh, man! A succubus! Some people have all the luck!

Author's Response: Not a succubus, but a special hybrid with succubus/vampire DNA.... XD

Reviewer: Luthien Signed Report
Date: 05/16/15 03:48 pm Title: Chapter 2: The Lady in Black

He does sound like a bit of a looser.

Author's Response: Perhaps.... Yet people can become someone, or something, else as a product to their environment... (And about that triple part from my previous reply... Well lets just that my phone I was typing on was acting up and had a bit of a glitch...)

Reviewer: Luthien Signed Report
Date: 05/16/15 03:42 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

Ouch!

Author's Response: Yeah, hence the title... Yet Love Bites can mean different things... XP

Author's Response: Yeah, hence the title... Yet Love Bites can mean different things... XP

Author's Response: Yeah, hence the title... Yet Love Bites can mean different things... XP

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/15/15 09:00 am Title: Chapter 11: Bon Appetit

Well done!

Author's Response: Why thank you....!

Reviewer: Antonaqua Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/14/15 10:50 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

This story is terrible...-y good! I love your writing style and can't wait for more chapters :(
I want more :(
please.... :(
I'll be happy when new ones come out :D
Love the transformation :)

Author's Response: Well thank you, I'm already working on the next chapter.... XD

Reviewer: Towny365 Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/07/15 06:54 pm Title: Chapter 10: A Turn For The Worse

Liking it so far, looking forward to more, keep it up

Author's Response: I'll be sure to do just that, thank you.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/07/15 09:17 am Title: Chapter 10: A Turn For The Worse

Lunch time!

Author's Response: Yes, but more like 'Dinner Time' though! XP

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/06/15 09:14 am Title: Chapter 9: A Dark Deception

Lol,so much fun!

Author's Response: Indeed!

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 05/01/15 09:38 am Title: Chapter 8: Confrontations

Lol!

Author's Response: XP

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/24/15 02:34 am Title: Chapter 6: A Vengeful Desire

Well done, and very interesting!

Author's Response: Thanks, I appreciate it.

Reviewer: The Wedge Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/21/15 08:41 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

To me this story is reading like what I expected out of the TG Reaper story, without the comic relief (thats a good thing for now). Before mentioning that this curse turned the main character into a female, I was almost thinking this might be an origin story for Jacks. All and all, a much improved story so far!

Author's Response: Thank you kindly, and I'm aware that I need to "fix" my TGR stories.... Go to my TGR discussion, if you want to talk more on that subject.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/20/15 12:32 pm Title: Chapter 5: The Calm Before The Storm

Interesting,so many choices!

Author's Response: Indeed, but which one will he choose?

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/18/15 09:26 am Title: Chapter 4: The Blood That Binds

Well the story is going to be interesting ! Well done!

Author's Response: Why thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy this! XD

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 04/15/15 09:33 am Title: Chapter 3: Her True Intentions

Wow!

Author's Response: You ain't seen nothing yet. XP

Reviewer: Towny365 Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/14/15 08:23 pm Title: Chapter 3: Her True Intentions

Well you've got me interested good work x

Author's Response: Well thanks for you're interest as well. XD

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/11/15 10:13 am Title: Chapter 2: The Lady in Black

Interesting! You have my interest!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review & interest in my story!

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/30/15 10:05 am Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

I feel for him too! Good start!

Author's Response: Glad you liked it; funny thing is: I've never been dumped! XD

Reviewer: Misaania Signed Report
Date: 03/30/15 09:26 am Title: Chapter 1: The Break Up

Okay, wow, from what I see this is much better than The TG Reaper, it's got an element of mystery, a character that has the potential to be likable though we've only seen one side of him and a heartless bitch. It's the perfect sequence for a minor fantasy slice of life and I love that you really took the reviews to heart. I can't wait to see you write out some more because you're showing me that you are as good as I think you are.

Two things though (their super minor so don't worry). Firstly swap '&' with 'and'. Secondly the character seems to overreact pretty hardcore (though this is a minor gripe and can be a characteristic of his plus we all have the capability of overreacting).

Author's Response: Glad you liked it, and thanks for the review!

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