Date: 06/25/19 09:11 pm Title: Happy Birthday!
What about Andrew's dad? I believe his death was never adressed.
Other than that, I really hope you can do something with their relationship, it always feels like Andrew is the co-pilot and Kylie is the do-everything. Even right now, where she finally gets something going against her, his situation just gets way worse. It just feels like very unbalanced character development and given recent developments it will just get worse. I hope she gets to have to do some kind of sacrifice in the end, something to really put both of them on an even field.
Author's Response: Unless a revision wipes it out for some reason, there will be some attention given to Andy's father and his death later on. As for the relationship between Kylie and Andy, I'd say give it some time to breathe and develop. Right now, Andy's hitting a pivotal moment in his arc where he'll need all the help he can get, but once he's out of that slump, he'll find himself having to take on a more supporting role towards Kylie as dealing with the curse begins to take a toll on her.
Date: 06/25/19 06:39 am Title: Happy Birthday!
I dont mind him being stuck but it feels like the mystery is all over - the curse is over, the witch is dead, time to move on.
The romance/slice of life is well written but it was the mistery aspect what I really liked about this. Is there any kind of reveal or development still unresolved ?
Do agree, given the reveal, the timing was now.
Author's Response: There's still the matter of William and what becomes of him that still needs to be touched on, and depending on how things go in later drafts, Eve too. Other than that, there's not much left in the way of hard mystery, since I don't really plan on exploring the spell book or its magic any deeper than what's been shown. Things are in full character-driven mode now.
Date: 06/22/19 12:53 am Title: Here on Out
Fuck this shit fucking hell what a fucking sick fucking sicko torturee porn sick fuck story
Author's Response: That's definitely one way to lay down some criticism. Sorry that the story rubbed you that wrong, but I'm not trying to write torture p*** with this. In fact, I feel quite badly for my characters when I put them into situations like this, but it's all for the purpose of developing them. I'm trying to do this tastefully, I take no pleasure in writing my protagonist into an existential crisis.
Date: 06/21/19 11:50 pm Title: Here on Out
Ok so Andy is now stuck as a girl till the end of time due to karl major fuck up, and meanwhile Kylie is turning into a guy at night until that curse gets removed.
Andy seems to be going into a catatonic state at the moment so I hope she gets all the help and support she can get. With Kylie I dont see them missing up a second time so odds are she will be able to lift the curse on her and return to being a girl full time.
At the end of the day how does this effect thier relationship, they obviously love each other but after the curse on Kylie gets lifted will she still be willing to be with Andy? This curse has caused many problems but hopefully it doesn't take away thier love.
Author's Response: Their relationship could go one of many different ways from this point forward, but if there's one thing that remains certain, it's that they're going to need each other more than ever now. Kylie keeping her condition a secret from everybody could prove to preclude her getting cured so soon, though. Strange and trying times ahead.
Date: 06/09/19 02:42 am Title: Call Me Eileen
I'm really enjoying this long and growing story. It's well-written and unfolding slowly. Perhaps it helps that I have no expectations, just waiting to see what happens next. Each time there's a new chapter, I revisit the end of the previous one to catch up on where we left off.
I do wonder why Andrew/Eileen doesn't get more comfortable being female, since that's been the case half the time for a while, and now all the time. I expect (and enjoy) explorations of initial dysphoria, weird sensations, but figure after a while, the person has little choice but to adapt to their new body and stop noticing it so much (or even trying to hide it). I think there'd still be surprises and awkwardness, which is interesting set against increasing familiarity.
Author's Response: It has a lot to do with him believing there's not much point in getting comfortable that way, since he always expects to turn back by the end of it. Slowly but surely, though, he's been adjusting to being female in little ways over the course of the story, though it's usually been two steps forward and one step back. That being said, there's going to come a point very soon where he'll be left with no choice but to reevaluate himself, which will result in more obvious adaptations as time goes on. Thanks for keeping up with the story, though! Glad you're enjoying it. :)
Date: 05/18/19 06:44 am Title: Keeping Busy
I am so confused. How is Andrew going back to school without an explanation about how he is now she and why is Madeline so negligent in her responsibilities as a parent to deal with this? Haircut, maybe a make shift binder and packer with baggy clothes, something. Please the story is so good. And I have to ask why didnt Kylie have a Male reaction towards her partner? Was she constantly thinking of something else because that would scare the crap out of a girl the first time it happened and an eighteen year old it would happen very readily.
Author's Response: Lots to unpack! When it comes to Andrew going to school, that'll be addressed in the next chapter, but essentially, he'll try to blend in with the crowd. I tried to get across that Madeline probably doesn't really know how to deal with all this, and that's not helped by Andrew's naturally resistant nature when it comes to her trying to help. He views it as being coddled. So, she's taking more of a hands-off approach with him in hopes he comes to her, which in time, he will. As for Kylie, by "male reaction," do you mean arousal? If that's the case, she'd have been way too scared to think about anything sexual so soon after her first transformation. It's the same reason it took Andy until chapter 20 to even attempt self-pleasure as a female. Hope that cleared a few things up. c:
Date: 05/18/19 01:37 am Title: Keeping Busy
Thats interesting, Kylie studying the journal. Will she try to cast other spells, perhaps? Will people from the 'magic' side perhaps come to help? Cheers.
Author's Response: She's probably done with fooling around with magic for a while after how bad things went last time she used it, but the journal should help minimize any curse-related blunders on her part. As for people from the magic side, if you mean Karl's associates, could be. We're a long way off from that, though.
Date: 05/11/19 01:36 pm Title: Happy Birthday!
I can't say I like Kylie being turned into a guy, that kind of transformation never resonated with me. I hope she turns back quickly, and hopefully turns out even more buxom as a result (maybe taller, curvier, too). As for Andy, if he's a werewoman, shouldn't he want sex? What happens if he gets it? Would it 'improve' his female form (taller, prettier, curvier, bustier) since he's 'feeding' it?
Author's Response: Sorry you're not feeling the were-Kylie. She'll turn back quickly, but more in the sense that when morning comes, the curse will wear off, then she'll turn back again come night. When it comes to Andy, he'd like sex, but there's nothing really compelling him to have it as far as magic goes, and nothing would happen when he gets it other than maybe an orgasm. I can't say I plan to exaggerate their body features, though. I was going less for supermodels in this and more just regular people with realistic attractiveness.
Date: 05/10/19 09:08 pm Title: As Things Stand
I'm curious how each of them will deal with..... specific needs of their new bodies and how they will or wont be for each other.
Author's Response: Andy's especially going to have to make a few adjustments as far as his body goes, since he can't just turn back anymore like Kylie can. That's probably why there's going to be more focus on Andy's situation than hers, but she'll still have her moments, too. c:
Date: 05/04/19 10:13 am Title: Happy Birthday!
Absolutely amazing! love the way you write your stories out.
When I read through this Novel I can always picture it in an Anime/Manga.
Author's Response: Hey thanks! Funny you say that, because I do sometimes picture anime in my head when I write this, too. I don't think humans are capable of blushing /that/ much in reality. :U
Date: 05/04/19 02:14 am Title: Pieces of the Past
Nice twist. Subtle and impactful without being heavy handed. The fact that Kylie is super supportive until she feels that her family might be involved is a nice character point. I find that it seems a little ungrounded without a location to relate to. It feels like multiple places at once.
Author's Response: I think I got a little carried away trying to keep the pacing brisk by jumping around a lot. I did kind of flub that in hindsight. Still, that twist was actually based on feedback I got really early on to make Kylie less of just the sidekick or just the romantic interest into more of an integral part of the plot. Kinda neat how that works.
Date: 05/03/19 07:24 pm Title: The Accursed Curse
Wow, that was quite probably the most brutally-detailed gender-bending description I have ever read. Impressive... VERY impressive. I'm in pain just thinking about it.
Author's Response: Thanks! I really went all out with that transformation. I wanted to show how crazy and scary it could be for something like that to happen, so I'm glad it held up for you. c:
Date: 04/28/19 10:54 pm Title: Stranded
I hope that he's not permanently stuck, but chances are that he is going to be stuck. At least you haven't pulled a sudden sexuality change out of the bag of the bag. Don't get me wrong I love the story, but i just don't think anyone should have to suffer through being in a body that they don't want to be in, and as a result of this way of thinking i tend to avoid(i don't always avoid them) stories wherein that happens. Sudden sexuality change just disturbs me.
Author's Response: I knew the stuck aspect would garner some mixed opinions. Honestly, I can't guarantee you're going to be thrilled with some of the chapters to come when it relates to how Andrew deals with his new situation. Without spoiling anything, he does hit an emotional low point that might rub some people the wrong way. Nothing violent or overly dark, but a low point all the same, since I'm trying to go for more realistic reactions. As for his sexuality, there will be a point where he questions himself, but it's not going to be anything abrupt or magically induced.
Date: 04/26/19 06:46 pm Title: Stranded
Well crap, you're right that it isnt Andrew's week, im surprise he still hasn't blown up on karl yet like everyone else has. Also Electronic Arts being pro-consumer crack me up .
Author's Response: Andy probably should have blown up over it, I think his outrage would be the most understandable. He's probably just too shocked right now to even get mad.
Date: 04/20/19 12:12 am Title: One Disaster Later
Wow, I cant believe this is still alive! Good job on the new chapter.
My main complain (that I remember) from this story is that Kylie always seemed to do everything in the story, as in she was always the driving force of whatever they did, always the emotional pillar of the relationship, and then it turns she's a witch so she can help him with the curse as well. In comparison, poor Andrew feels... boring. I hope this new direction can show more sides of him. Also I hope we can get some closure on the curse's origin as well.
Anyways, do you have anything else written? Feels like the next chapter is not going to come fast. Either way, congratulations so far!
Author's Response: I appreciate the criticism regarding the characters. I did put a lot of agency into Kylie's character, and comparatively less into Andy. It was a flub on my part, as I was so focused on writing him dealing with his predicament and his reactions to things, I never bothered to write him actively trying to fix things. In part II, I'm hoping to return some of the agency to him as well as his influence on the plot, since now the plot is going to revolve heavily on how he deals with his new predicament. As for content I have written, most of the story is done. I was going to keep it under wraps for longer, but I figured I have enough of a backlog to drip-feed while I work on proofreading and revising the later chapters. Thanks for keeping up with the story, though. :)
Date: 04/19/19 12:01 pm Title: By the Light
I remember reading this earlier. I'm glad you got back to it. If I may, I hope their little screw up here will "enhance" his female form in some obvious ways, perhaps make him act/feel more feminine while changed.
Author's Response: Could be. I guess we'll have to see how Andy handles this change of plan. :>
Date: 05/05/17 04:15 am Title: Happy Birthday!
sucks you got rid of all your other stories that were here i liked them
Author's Response: I just wasn't happy with the quality of them and figured nobody would miss them. Turns out I was wrong on that last part, so I apologize for that. But I won't be removing any of my stories like that again. I can't promise I'll release them on TGS (I usually keep my one-offs on DeviantArt), but no more purges.
Date: 05/22/16 08:53 am Title: Humbling Descent
Just finished catching up to your story since I last saw it (around chapter... 5??). From your chapter notes it sounds like you worry a little about the structure of your story -- I think it's completely fine! Journal excerpts, dream sequence, this chapter... they all fit in quite well and it doesn't ever feel like a sharp or strange transition.
I like your writing -- not sure I like the tension too much but it's definitely effective! :)
Author's Response: I'll admit, I do get a little apprehensive about Light of the Moon, and that tends to show in my commentary bits sometimes. Reeaally don't wanna destroy this thing by mistake after this long working on it. Still, it's great being reassured by someone I'm on the right track, at least. That took a huge load off me, so thanks a bunch for that. =D
Date: 11/11/15 03:40 pm Title: Happy Birthday!
Good job. Good to see you writing again, I had almost lost hope!
You know, at this point, many authors give up because they do not quite know what to do with all the open plot threads, so I was wondering, do you have a defined idea, a thread of events or a structure of chapters, of how to conclude the series? Specially considering there are still so many unanswered questions, particularly about Eve, his father and grandfather (and they do not seem like regular people, did they retaliate? These two families seem to go way back…), or about even how magic works and who can do it, or its effects (besides the obvious ones).
Hope this doesnt come off as criticism, what Im trying to say is: keep going, we appreciate it ;).
Author's Response: I have a general outline as to how I'm going to expand upon these various plot threads, it's just a matter of time right now. In fact, chapter 21 is going to go into a little more detail as to what Eve's actions did to the Ancalime family's name in the UK. I'm trying to get to these things without cramming them all into one chapter, you see. I don't like the idea of having to title a chapter "Exposition Dump". =P But yeah, I will be getting to as much of this other stuff as I can as the series goes on. Don't worry, though, LotM isn't going to be ending anytime soon, so there's still plenty of time to get to these other loose ends. Thanks for sticking with the story, though! ^~^
Date: 08/25/15 07:54 pm Title: Happy Birthday!
Would be interesting to see a slower pleasurable version of his transformations
Author's Response: I don't think I'll ever be making the transformations pleasurable, really. I think it'd interfere too much with the arc I've set for Andy. After all, he's supposed to hate turning into a girl. o3o
Date: 08/24/15 05:05 am Title: Happy Birthday!
This is a really good story and I hope that you can finish it!!! Keep at it I would love to see where it goes!
Author's Response: Don't worry! Even if it takes me a million years (which it might, considering how slow I am), I will finish this story! We've gone too far to stop now. |=]
Date: 05/02/15 12:54 pm Title: Anxieties
Wonder if sometime you will write up a story where the change is more enjoyable, though part of me wishes Andrews friend found a way to make the changes not as fast and perhaps more enjoyable at least, using that spellbook.
Author's Response: I might write up something like that someday, but truth be told, it's not exactly high on my priority list. I like the changes to be done in a way that makes people go "Wow, poor guy!" That, and find it more fun messing with my main character like that. =3
Date: 04/26/15 06:18 pm Title: Happy Birthday!
Fantastic! I usually prefer more transformation-heavy stories, but Im really liking this one. I do wish the pacing was a bit faster - yet another arc! But at least, that gives us chance to get more things i would like to know about, which are...
- What happened to Eve? I bet such a powerful curse had a heavy toll on her and her family... and still does now!
- What about his family? I bet they are witches too. Would make sense, and explain his mother reluctance to talk about it.
Anyways, keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Glad you're digging the story! Story if the pacing seems a little slow -- I'm intending on introducing larger time lapses soon to help move things along. I'll also elaborate further on plot points such as Eve's ultimate fate and motives as the story continues. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten! =)
Date: 02/24/15 01:13 am Title: Road to Recovery
Wow, I like where all of this is going; great story with some errors that could be fixed and whatnot, but doesn't take away how good the story itself is!
(And yes, I'm on Deviantart as well; if you remember me that is! XP
Author's Response: Happy ya like the story! Sorry about the errors, though. My proofreading tends to miss a lot of stuff. =( I do remember you, too. Good to see you made it here, too!
Date: 02/06/15 04:30 am Title: Disharmony
I absolutely love the hairy fit both parents throw! Totally appropriate, and funny to boot. If I ever did something like that when i was a kid, and my parents acted like that, I'd be totally terrified! I love this chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks a bunch! =D I was hoping to get the anger of the parents nailed convincingly. Thankfully, it wasn't too hard, I just had to imagine how any parent would logically react to their kid doing something so monumentally stupid. I know I'd be fuming, for sure!
Date: 01/06/15 09:42 pm Title: Happy Birthday!
To elaborate on the already-cited tenses issue, the problem is that you're misusing the modal verbs--could, would, should--instead of the proper simple past tense.
Using the wording "would [verb]" suggests the action is something that has been repeated. "John would eat mushrooms" suggests that eating mushrooms is something John does more than once. When telling a story, unless every event has happened multiple times, you want to stick with the simple past tense. In the previous example, changing it to "John ate mushrooms" implies a singular event, appropriate for a story.
Author's Response: Ah, I get'cha! I've really been trying to work on cutting back on those kind of errors after being made aware of them, so hopefully it shows, and makes this less of an obnoxious read for y'allz. I definitely appreciate the help, though! =)
Date: 12/17/14 01:14 am Title: Happy Birthday!
Awesome story! There are two places I can see this going if you want it to continue:
1: The spell in the journal actually allows him to choose who he gets turned in to because his grandfather copied the wrong spell (in this case, he'd turn into Kylie).
2: It actually works and the story ends.
Good luck deciding where you want the story to go. These are just a few suggestions. Good luck! Love the story.
Author's Response: I'm happy you like the story! Your suggestions are appreciated, but I already have a good idea as to what's gonna happen when they try to destroy the curse. We'll just say that things aren't going to go exactly as they planned. =3
Date: 12/14/14 02:30 am Title: Happy Birthday!
Laughing out loud at points, good job. Also overlooking typos 'cause the story's so great. Keep hoping he relaxes a little and starts to enjoy the experience. You didn't say so explicitly (did you?) but he must be spending half his time now as a she, after all the moon's up (day or night) that much.
Author's Response: Glad you're diggin' the story! But yeah, Andy's in his female form about half the time, now. Sometimes a little more, other times a little less. It all depends on when the moon appears and disappears from the sky. As for relaxing, it's not completely out of the question. We'll just have to wait and see! ;)
Date: 12/06/14 04:01 pm Title: Killing Time
Awesome,but I can't wait for the dress up and I'm waiting patiently for them to go to bed together first as a man and woman and than as two women!
Author's Response: All in due time, of course! I appreciate your enthusiasm, though. :D
Date: 11/25/14 03:57 am Title: Happy Birthday!
I'm enjoying your story and your storytelling, but I hope you will appreciate a bit of constructive technical criticism: you might want to know that your writing is chock full of grammatical errors. You're using the wrong verb tenses - in almost EVERY sentence! The verbs are not matching with the context of what you're writing. I know what you're trying to say, & I keep having to mentally correct the grammar as I read. This makes for a very odd, disjointed reading experience. Otherwise, your storytelling is good; you're too talented writer to let grammatical errors get in your way so much! Maybe you can find an editor, a friend who knows grammar well go through and proofread your texts? It's why authors use editors, and will make for a much more polished - and enjoyable! - reading experience!
Author's Response: Geez, every sentence? I didn't realize I was quite that bad with it. I do apologize for the incorrect tenses, those kinds of things tend to elude me most of the time. I do try to comb through it as much as I can, though, and will likely do so again to see what I can fix. I definitely appreciate you bringing this to my attention, and I hope that you can still continue to enjoy the story in light of this. :)
Date: 10/18/14 05:20 pm Title: Taking the Plunge
Really like your story and writing talent. Normally prefer my gals on the curvier side but I am enjoying the flow the tale. Great dialog as well. - A
Author's Response: Thanks a bunch, mate! Sorry if the described proportions aren't drop-dead sexy, I'm tryin' to keep 'em a little more on the modest side. =)
Date: 10/16/14 07:31 am Title: One Little Detail
Seriously though, good story. Looking forward to the next update. Kylie is a badass.
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm pretty happy with Kylie's character so far. She's the essential redheaded smartass of the team. ;) Glad you're liking the story, though! :D
Date: 10/11/14 08:11 pm Title: Happy Birthday!
O god I laughed so hard
keep up the good work
I did see a few errors but nothing too bad
hop to read more soon
Author's Response: Glad ya got a chuckle out of it. =) Hopefully my attempts at fixing some of the missed errors make for a smoother read!
Date: 10/08/14 03:19 pm Title: Happy Birthday!
The only issue I can see is his internal dialogue. It comes across as... Cartoonish (that's the first word that comes to mind) ,it's a little exaggerated, like, people don't really speak like this in their heads.
You wrote the transformation scene well though. It has a real sense of urgency.
Author's Response: The dialogue is sort of intentionally exaggerated for comedic effect. I guess I may have gone a little overboard, though. Still, thanks for the feedback! :)