Date: 10/12/14 01:28 am Title: Introduction III: Awake and Aware
I'm not sure how much I like the fact that the criminals took over Gotham in a month. But again very good writing. I really hope Batwoman kicks the shit out of these two thugs, She isn't used to the body but she should be able to use some of her equipment to let her get the upper hand after a bit of a scare.
Date: 10/01/14 02:49 am Title: Introduction I: The Bat and the Clown
I'm really enjoying this story so far and wondering if Batman's dark psyche (which he's been able to keep in check all these years with his sense of morality) will be more exposed by these physical changes he can't comprehend. Will this dark side manifest itself in this new young woman he's become? Just an idea...
Author's Response: That certainly is an intriguing prospect, one which I will now be forced to steal :P Just kidding, but that's definitely something I'll be covering in the upcoming chapters. Number three is written and ready to be published, and four is nearing that too, so watch out for them! Thanks for the stars Jim
Date: 09/30/14 01:19 am Title: Introduction II: The Butler, the Bird, and the Babe
Being a huge superhero fan, this story immediately perked my interest, and once I finished the first chapter, you had my undivided attention. It starts out great, the dark mood is set skillfully, Bruce's thought processes ring true to character and the confrontation with the Joker is wonderfully brutal. Great job, I love your evocative writing style.
However, I can't say I love the second chapter. Specfically, I am not a fan of the way the narrative fixates on Bruce's appearance. Any time the narrative turns to describing his/her new body, it's like an invasion of purple prose from a completely different story. One that's highly fetishizing its main character.
Context matters. Here's Alfred, musing about the child he raised and loves, who just minutes ago nearly died and is beaten bruised and bloody:
"Flame red hair rested messily on the most strikingly fair skin he’d encountered, her features were inescapably perfect, like she’d been drawn by one of the Gods themselves. Her body was a picture, and quite the picture at that, large, firm breasts, and wide hips that led to her fantastic pins."
Quite frankly, from this viewpoint character, in this context, it's goddamn creepy.
No matter how awesome Bruce's new form may look, nobody looks good with a bashed in and swollen face. Nobody. I don't care if her face "is drawn by the Gods themselves", she is not going to look gorgeous at that moment. You make a point of her face having born the brunt of the injuries - it just doesn't work that way. By all means, reveal how beautiful she is once the injuries start healing, but at that moment, you have to choose between toning down the violence or toning down how she's the hawtest thing that ever hawted.
Freeing the large orbs from their prison
See: comment on purple prose. When i read that, it took me a moment to realize what was being referred to, and then I had to laugh. Took me way out of the scene. Breasts are neither orbs nor orb-shaped. I worry for Bruce's anatomy.
You also need to watch your tenses - it kind of randomly switches between past and present tense at times.
All these stylistic quibbles aside, it is a really good set-up, and I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to write a critical review, though constructive. I'll certainly take this into consideration, you've noticed some things that I just skimmed past, I hope I can impress you with chapter three James
Date: 09/29/14 07:01 pm Title: Introduction II: The Butler, the Bird, and the Babe
Another great chapter. I'm conflicted. While I feel really bad for Bruce and all that he's going through, at the same time, you would think the “Batgod” who according to internet legend can beat literally anyone given enough prep time would have prepared for a serum that turns him into a woman. :P
I'm also conflicted because as much as I love Batman, I can't wait to see him kick ass as Batgirl. Superheroines are so sexy. Plus I adore redheads.
Author's Response: Hey thanks for the review! The next chapters ready and coming up soon, so watch out for it. Batman's a fun character to write except when he's perfect. If the main character's seen everything coming then it's a bit boring. I'd say this Batman's a combination of the chronology and backstory of pre-new 52 Batman, but with the character of Batman: Earth One by Geoff Johns,a more human character with flaws like anyone else. Interesting points though Jim
Date: 09/29/14 07:00 pm Title: Introduction I: The Bat and the Clown
Oh man, now THIS is how you do a Batman TG story. Fantastic. The atmosphere was just perfect. It was dark, depressing, and you got Bruce's voice down right. I felt like I was reading one of the comics or watching a particularly weird episode of The Animated Series. Can't wait for more.
I wonder why Bruce's hair is red now, though.
Date: 09/28/14 11:40 pm Title: Introduction II: The Butler, the Bird, and the Babe
Damn that's good writing. Good detail, good emotion. Good if short dialogue.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! The original version of this chapter almost got scrapped due to the sorry state it was in, just goes to show rewriting is the most important part! Looking forward to your opinions about my next batch of stuff, it's good to have support, Cheers James
Date: 09/25/14 10:15 pm Title: Introduction I: The Bat and the Clown
Lovely transformative fiction. Well written and erotically charged, I'm hoping there'll be some mental changes too, possibly a second stage of brainwashing at a later date to further drive the humiliation home? The Joker must know by now that the Batman is more than just the body, and if he leaves Bruce's mind intact, it'll end the same way it always does. More please! :-)
Author's Response: There's a lot in store for the Caped Crusader, and you're right about some of your guesses, but it'll spoil the fun to say which. Thanks for the great review! James