Date: 10/04/14 09:48 am Title: Chapter 1: Saville's Downfall
Ok, you still have the usual grammar problems, not as bad as before but very frequent. Remember names must be capitalized, and dialogue needs punctuation.
For the story itself, it seems rushed. I like the general plot and I think it's interesting, but too many details were left vague and had to be figured out by the reader especially at end. You need to explain things a little better. This is a first draft work, it shows lots of potential, but needs some heavy editing, and a bit of rewriting.
Author's Response: i will edit it and explain things a bit more
Date: 08/30/14 11:53 pm Title: Chapter 1: Saville's Downfall
I totally approve of his choice of victims. And until now I didn't know there was a banana body type, so this story is educational as well as satisfying.
Work on your grammar some more, you have a problem with capitals and punctuation, which causes some problems while reading.
But overall a solid 4 stars.
Author's Response: Yeah I will fix the grammar problems today and I didn't know about the body type either