Date: 11/25/14 12:43 pm Title: Chapter 9: Friends and Flames
Hm... interesting chapter! Yay for fire!
Author's Response: Interesting is one way to put it. Originally I was going to have Damia's experience with fire be during an angry outburst and something just randomly burst into flames but I decided that I preferred this way. Gives the story a sense that she knows what her powers are and that it's not a huge deal that she is able to do the things that she can do.
Date: 11/06/14 04:27 pm Title: Chapter 8: The Winds of Fate
Excited for the next one! Those long paragraphs, though, I had to admit I read through them quicker. If you can, break it up into more manageable pieces. They're nice in novels, but on the internet it's a different thing, at least for me. If you do them occasionally, that's fine.
Author's Response: Oh crap... Yeah sorry I noticed that too during proofreading and actually did break them up I just forgot to hit enter twice. woopsies. Thanks for pointing that out though
Date: 10/14/14 11:30 am Title: Chapter 6: Welcome To The Barracks
I like the flow of the story. Characters are easy to recognize and track. Their personalities are well developed and consistent. It is easy to be drawn into the action and identify with a character. To me, this is one of the marks of good science fiction. Don't worry about the way you describe intimate sex. I though it you did it right. If you go into greater detail, it will seem to me to be out of style with the rest of the story. But then again, I read a story as a whole, not looking for just certain part. I am enjoying it immensely! Can't wait to see the next chapter. Only reason I did not give it a 5 was the words that are not caught by Spell Check throughout the writing that end up being a little disconcerting to nit pickers like me in the process of reading it. Thanks for contributing this story.
Author's Response: Wooh! I'm glad to hear that! :D Serious confident boost since i'm in a bit of a writers block with this new chapter >.< (hence it is taking so long to update.) And don't worry i don't blame you for being nit picky, i'm often pretty nit picky myself when i'm the reader but get a little careless as a writer sometimes. oops haha
Date: 09/30/14 07:39 pm Title: Chapter 6: Welcome To The Barracks
Woohoo! I was waiting for that. Although I was kind of hoping fire would have been the second thing she learned...
Author's Response: Well if you want to keep your hopes alive it technically could be. I mean, ice is just frozen water after all right?
Date: 09/28/14 07:52 am Title: Chapter 5: A Bumpy Ride
I thought mach one is anywhere between zero to seven hundred sixty miles an hour. Maybe you meant mach two? That's anywhere between seven hundred sixty to fifteen hundred miles an hour. That would produce over twenty G's of force I think, but I'm not sure.
Author's Response: I did a little research after reading your review just to make sure. But Mach 1 is the speed of sound or 761 mph while anything less than that is still classified with the Mach unit but in decimals so 380 mph would be like Mach 0.5 and what not. And yeah i realize there would be a lot of G forces included in that but Ryker's ability is speed related which makes it possible for him to travel this quickly while still being able to control what ever vehicle he is using (if he is using a vehicle). I didn't really want to have to get all into to much detail about each of their powers and how they work and what not during this chapter since I wanted it to be a bit of a fast paced read and keep some sense of urgency despite their little jokes that they throw around at one another. Figured a slight introduction as to what they could do would be good enough at this point.
Date: 09/27/14 09:56 pm Title: Chapter 5: A Bumpy Ride
Hate the long delay, but I really like the story itself! I don't blame you for the delay, though. I do it too.
Author's Response: I know i hate the long delays too. They can be agonizing having to wait weeks for a new chapter. I'm still waiting for Neko Mother, Legend, and Aduro Cor to update but i think they are dead in the water at this point...
Date: 09/23/14 05:05 am Title: Chapter 4: The Last Supper
Well done,but the way you set it up, it looks like she have all their powers and then some,I bet she will be the leader of the group!
Author's Response: Hmmm... That's a possibility, but then again, there are lots of possibilities! 8-)
Date: 09/22/14 02:38 pm Title: Chapter 4: The Last Supper
Excellent ending, although cliff hangers would be more preferred. Also, it would be good for you to capitilise your I's so they would sound better instead of just i.
Author's Response: Yeah i've noticed that cliffhangers seem to be a pretty popular trend on this site. I'll try to add some here and there as i go. I'm not to great with those but we'll see.
Date: 09/22/14 02:18 pm Title: Chapter 3: Good Morning Damia
This is very interesting, sort of eutopian and fantasy-like. What inspired you to write it, and hwo did you come up with these interesting inventions. It's definitely one of a kind!
Author's Response: I've always been a fan of both Utopian and Dystopian type stories. This story is a sort of culmination of inspirations that have come from different things that i've read or watched. Thanks for the praise! ^^
Date: 09/22/14 01:53 pm Title: Chapter 2: Day Of The Ceremony
Interesting! Does this imply a form of alchemy, rain, wind, fire, and earth?
Author's Response: Hmmm... Not so much alchemy. Though in the sense that you put it yes it is alchemy, but whenever someone mentions alchemy I usually just think of chemistry haha.
Date: 09/22/14 01:32 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Last Day Of School
This reminds me of the Giver, where it is said that we would have no choice, that someone greater in power would keep wtch over us. What does E.C sand for? Ethiopian calendar?
Author's Response: E.C. actually stands for the Empirical Calender. Creative? Not really but then again I was really attempting to push the whole Empire theme and how they have large amounts of power and control over society. Figured little things like that might help in that sense.
Date: 08/26/14 08:13 pm Title: Chapter 2: Day Of The Ceremony
Ugh. I have been thinking of this story ALL DAY and I don't know why. So I re-read it. And I've decided that it's exactly what I wanted to read. I honestly can't wait for the next chapter! I've got two ideas for what's going to happen to Ira... not saying what they are yet.
Author's Response: I'm glad I was able to spark your interest (: Hopefully I can keep you excited to see whats coming for the rest of the story.
Date: 08/25/14 08:31 pm Title: Chapter 2: Day Of The Ceremony
Um... was it supposed to stay in italics for that long? It lasted the remainder of the chapter. Can't wait to see what happens next!
Author's Response: Oh crap! Thank you for pointing that out. It's kinda hard to tell the italics with this font style.