Date: 08/08/14 04:35 am Title: Chapter 1
Congratulations, this has got to be the single worst "story" on this website, and that includes the "stories" which are little more than a few incomplete sentences. This garbage is simplistic in the extreme. I mean, when you have an understanding of neither grammar nor syntax, I suppose asking for such complex things as character development, compelling dialogue, or hell a comprehensible plot is asking for too much isn't it? This is simply mind boggling how anyone could be so incompetent and yet simultaneously completely unaware of their incompetence. There can be only two rational explanations: either you're on drugs or your first language isn't English. That might begin to explain how this abomination was brought into existence, but otherwise you are clearly just a child or a troll or an idiot. Maybe all three. Please either write in your native language or sober up before subjecting the English language to further abuse. I'm pretty open minded when it comes to what people enjoy, but I draw the line at the written equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. This is just incomprehensible drivel, and I don't know what the hell you are trying to express when you say "This is a fake story" but clearly you have no idea what you are doing.
Date: 07/04/14 05:12 am Title: Chapter 2
If you want to learn how to write better, you need to read more. Look at the way a well written book looks and then try to make your story look the same way. Also look at what people are doing and see if it makes sense. In this chapter the main character is taking a nap until 6:00, then is given a bath and shaves her body, then is immediately put back to bed. What happened to supper, or doing things?
I won't even go into all the wrong words used.
Date: 07/03/14 08:18 pm Title: Chapter 1
There are no real words to describe this story. You constantly ignore any criticism and justify making incomprehensible garbage by saying that it is fake.
It doesn't work that way. If you want to make terribly written, lazy stories; then take them to a website that doesn't have any standards. But here, it is expected that you actually put in EFFORT.
Date: 06/30/14 08:01 am Title: Chapter 1
Okay, okay okay... I'm calling this guy out.
This is an underage submitter. I'm reporting it to the site owner with the aim of getting this child banned from this adult-only site.
I mean come on... every character introduced with "Let's call him _____" ; instant-change magic pills requiring zero effort to explain; the grammar, the half-baked, ultra simplistic story-building...
... this is a 12 year old at best, more like 10.
Note to author: you may indeed be 10, or you may be an adult and feel insulted by the above. If you are an adult, you should know that your writing is absolutely atrocious, not entertaining in the least (you telegraph every single event and rush straight for the McGuffin), and basically unreadable.
To think that all we needed was to be told "it's fake" in order to "understand" your little story here only exposes your total ineptitude more clearly.
You are either a (vastly) underage child, dude, or you write just like one.
Either way, you need some more basic schooling before you continue this mess.
Author's Response: You have to be 18 to be on this site or older I'm older then that and am writing stuff were its a kid or fake it dosnt mean nothing my only true story happened when I was 12 so I put that on there so
Date: 06/29/14 11:05 pm Title: Chapter 1
OK, a few things:
First, by putting fake in the summary, story notes, and the chapter notes, you aren't exactly inviting new readers. Second, while the prospect of a sex-change pill is a unique one, it just feels rushed. The story starts by pretty much saying "Hey! Special sex-change pill, I'm a girl now!" Also, there is no dialogue in this story. Finally, the title. It's just bland. A title should make readers want to read your story. This title? Nope. I had to force myself to read it, which isn't a trait that you want your stories to have. Overall, this story isn't easy to read, hard to understand, and seems extremely rushed. Please, take your time if you continue writing on both this story, and any future ones. Proofread it, and for goodness sake, use basic dialogue technique.