Date: 06/09/14 06:03 pm Title: Chapter 1
Can I give a negative score?
This story makes no sense from the beginning. Then just goes downhill.
There is a big key on the right side of your keyboard, use it.
What parents would allow this to be done to their child? What parents would leave thirteen year olds home alone for a month. And I think the ending might constitute pedophilia, child porn, or at least statutory rape, but I am not sure what happened.
Author's Response: It's a fake story I'm justing making stuff up
Date: 06/09/14 02:50 am Title: Chapter 1
I like the concept but this was agonizing to read. I'm usually not one to care much for grammar but I could barely understand what was being said. You need to break this up into paragraphs just to make it easier to follow. Also, don't do so many run on sentences and use commas when one idea stops and another one begins if you do have them in the same sentence.
You have good ideas but need to be a little more clear and concise with your writing.