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Reviewer: DaniellaD Signed starstarstar Report
Date: 08/26/16 05:55 am Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

Rated Explicit but hardly contains any sex at all, or sexiness. I mean great fantasy story and plot, sure some kidnapping threat and vengeance rewarded, just didn't seem to suit the site, but thats just my thoughts on it. I also find it hard to believe that a little child has the vocabulary of an adult at her age. Unless of course she is channeling her previous self. Quirky parts, was expecting a hot and steamy story and got a sci-fi adventure. Still enjoyable however.

Author's Response: Yeah, as more and more time goes by, I find myself more and more displeased with this story. Wrong classifications, poor character development, and worst of all terrible place of publication. I've had thoughts to remove it, but despite my issues with it, it's still the first story I'd ever written to completion, so there's a certain level of sentimentality. I'm glad you found it enjoyable, sorry for the issues that you took with it!

Reviewer: Beeboopbeep Signed Report
Date: 05/20/15 11:13 pm Title: Chapter 9- PEGS And Carol

Hi, this is a great story, but I'm not sure if it's in the right place. This story doesn't really focus on the parts about turning from male to female as much, which is the reason people come to this website.

Reviewer: masters tg stories Signed Report
Date: 02/14/15 12:07 pm Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

He accepts all the changes. Is he apposed to be TG or just a man who was stuck in a babies body to stop himself from dying? Look I made this review just from the first chapter. Look at my stories for some guidence. Good luck on the story.

Author's Response: This story has been completed. If you don't enjoy it, then you don't have to read it. I am more than accepting to criticism when it's needed, but some of the things you raise in your two reviews of my story are just asinine. I mean, please. If you're going to criticize me, please don't use your own stories as example. You are by no means a bad writer, but never use your own work as a basis for judging others. No author should, because they have an automatic bias towards their product.

Reviewer: masters tg stories Signed starstar Report
Date: 02/14/15 12:05 pm Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

Ok I've been gone a while but I am back.you have still made many eras which will take you forever to fix if you ever wanted to get your book on the front page like it used to. First of all the chapters are so short. It does not have enough information. You jump to quickly into his resonings

Author's Response: 1: This story was being written during the 5 months between March and August of 2014. This is why the story no longer makes the front page. It USED to make the front page because new chapters were being put out. Now, the story is completed. I've written 28 chapters that I am proud of, and while there are a few issues, I wouldn't change anything. I look at this as an example of how far I've come as a writer since my early days writing on this website. 2: I actually laughed while reading your comment. Not trying to be rude or anything, but when criticizing my writing issues, you misspelled 'errors' Dude, I'm open to criticism, but really? Come on.

Reviewer: Ulysses Signed Report
Date: 10/02/14 05:45 pm Title: Chapter 16- Paul's Tale

Interesting plot! What inspired you to come up with the eternal life attitude? I read on Wikipedia that it is a Christian belief, but I don't think there are any other philosophers who have actually bent the concept to the way they viewed it.

Reviewer: Ulysses Signed Report
Date: 10/02/14 05:31 pm Title: Chapter 13- A Visit to the Hospital

That is interesting, to say the least. I on't think I had anyone like that, since I was always looked up to for my intelligence, since I am the shy type as well, but it's mostly when I go on social media sites and make others feel bad without actually trying.

Reviewer: Taarpa Signed Report
Date: 08/15/14 12:22 am Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

Hi, I just read this from start to finish, and I could see how your writing changed and evolved as you progressed to the finally! Other than some spelling and grammar issues I thought you did ok. I'm sure you'll get better over time, just don't stop writing! Just remember you can't please everyone, so just write as it pleases you! Loving Hugs Talia

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/12/14 03:45 am Title: Chapter 27- The Finale

And incredible ending to an incredible story..
Sad to see it end but I agree with your final words on adding more would take away from the whole.
So them I'll await the next story eagerly

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/21/14 10:32 am Title: Chapter 25- Forgive Me

thanks so much for continuing this story. you have gone so far with it and would love for you to end it. Also its 1 of my favorite storys :) so Please continue it till the end.

Author's Response: Don't worry, you can be sure that you'll get the rest of the story, as soon as I'm done writing it! Thanks!

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/21/14 01:29 am Title: Chapter 25- Forgive Me

My my this story took an incredible turn and became greater than ever

Author's Response: Thank you very much! That means a lot!

Reviewer: Guillotine Guerilla Signed starstar Report
Date: 07/03/14 10:04 pm Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

For the most part, I've deliberately delayed writing another review for this series, because I wanted to see how everything would play out. I think I have enough material to give an honest review of the series so far.

I'm not going to judge your transition of the series from a reincarnated man's life as a little girl to what the story has become now. I understand that it would be difficult to just write 22 chapters of Alex just learning about life through the eyes of a former guy. You obviously wanted to shake things up a little bit, and in series like Of Heroes and Villains and the like which aren't just about the transgender elements, that's okay.

What I'm more concerned about is that this new aspect of the story, this tale of seven girls chosen to fight some menacing evil overlord who might as well be twirling his handlebar mustache next to a doomsday device, is completely generic. I mean, you could've named it "Alex Lawrence and the Seven Chosen" and it would've contained the same bargain bin material. It's like you looked at the Hunger Games, Harry Potter, and all the other young adult fictions, took the most cliche parts from them, and haphazardly stapled them into a narrative that you expect us to love.

For one thing, the story seems to enter new territory too quickly. First the girls are prized because they were reincarnations and the evil group wants eternal life, then it turns out the group actually want to power a doomsday machine and now all the girls suddenly have magical powers just because, then Alex's father suddenly becomes one of the heads of the group and her stepfather apparently knows about everything and just dated her mother to get closer to her (which is pretty creepy when you think about it), then one of the girls I didn't even give a shit about betrays the other girls because it was revealed just now that HER dad is one of the evil guys, then you have grapes that suddenly are enchanted to become magical reincarnating Senzu Beans or something, and so on. Do you understand what I'm saying? You're just throwing out random plot points with real link to the main story, hoping that they'll stick well enough to make a coherent narrative. I understand if you didn't have the writing chops to continue narrating Alex's childhood through a former man's eyes (the Lily spinoff story lasted what? Three chapters, before it would've veered into the same fantasy tropes), but you could've at least written a plot that would make a coherent bridge between what you advertised and what you really wanted to write.

Another thing that ruffles my feathers is that you are very clearly posting this story on TG Storytime. The initial few chapters show a girl's life through a man's eyes, that's great. But by the second half of the story, all of that doesn't matter and being a reincarnation is just an excuse for Alex to shoot fireballs out of her hands. I mean, it's an underlying assumption that all of the stories written on this website have a clear basis in gender transformation - even Of Heroes and Villains has a major plot being the gender change. On the other hand, you seem to drop that aspect around the tenth chapter. For all it matters in the story, Alex could've been born just as a UFO was flying over her hospital, or her godmother blessed her with an ancient spell, or she could've eaten magical fireball-spewing beans. For a story advertising itself as a man learning how life is as a girl, it really doesn't play up the TG aspect that much. Which wouldn't be a problem if the website it was hosted on was not designed FOR THAT EXACT PURPOSE.

Look, I understand you want to be the next Suzanne Collins or George R.R. Martin or some other prestigious fantasy writer by taking the most common cliches and serving them up on a boring platter. And it's obvious your personal life also influences your writing to some degree - the fact that all of your stories so far have either irresponsible or criminal fathers indicates you have a massive Oedipus complex. That's fine. Many writers have problems like that. All I'm telling you is that before you write your next story, you should work a little on your writing. Focus on writing a coherent narrative with little to no asspulls, try writing original concepts and ideas instead of things you've glanced off of TV Tropes, and if you're writing on a TG fiction site don't just assume that you can drop the TG aspect five chapters in.

That's my two cents, anyway.

Author's Response: Thank you for your very informative review. While other authors may argue against the points you have made in your review, I will not. I recognize that many of the points you made in your review are very fair judgments. Yes, I did want to shake things up a bit by adding the "seven chosen ones" aspect. Admittedly, I introduced the topic very poorly. I shouldn't have come in fifteen chapters late, and said 'Hey! New plot-point that will shift the entire focus of the story.' It is only recently that I realized the error of my writing. I would like to humbly apologize to you for this, and to all of the other readers that this has affected. When I was beginning to write this story, I did realize that there would come a time where I would have to shift the focus of the story eventually, and I definitely did it too suddenly. Once again, I apologize for this. Once again, I completely agree with you about the overall story being too generic. I would like to, again, apologize for all of the readers who have been driven away by this. I would also like to agree with you yet again. I did take a lot of inspiration from various science-fiction and fantasy series, such as the Hunger Games and Harry Potter. Addressing your next topic, I would like to truly apologize to all the readers for this next part. I am deeply ashamed to admit that while writing chapters 15 sand 16, I expected that because I had already established a reader base with my previous chapters, that I would be able to get away with the sudden and abrupt change that I was putting into place. Once again, I am deeply ashamed to admit this, and I apologize deeply. I totally agree with you about the story moving iunto new territory too quickly. I couldn't agree more with the Brotherhood issue, as I made a grave mistake there. Unwittingly, I turned them from a organization seeking eternal life into a group with a doomsday device. Even I didn't notice this, and when I did realize it, it was too late. The grapes were truly a mistake to introduce. Yes, the dad thing is extremely creepy topic. Even I as the author didn't truly realize how creepy the plot-line actually was until reading your review. I probably haven't chosen TGStorytime to post this story on. I shouldn't have shifted away from the TG topic so quickly, if even at all. The rebirth thing wasn't the correct decision to have in this story. Overall, I made way too many mistakes in this story. I was planning on having a few more chapters, but after reading your review, I am not sure if I should even complete this story. That is not because of you, it is because of the flaws you have made quite evident. I hold no hard feelings towards you for this. Quite the contrary, in fact. I commend you on your review. You are quite possibly the first person to leave a negative review on my story, and I love the fact that someone has finally given negative feedback to me. While it is true that no one likes a bad review, I believe that negative feedback is much more useful to an author than positive feedback. Also, you are one of the few reviewers on my story to leave more than a one sentence review. I love it when people leave actual usable feedback. Once again, I would like to apologize for all of the reasons stated above. I do have a few more chapters planned for this, so if you or any other readers don't want to read them, I completely understand. I don't hold anything against anyone who doesn't want to read the final parts of this story. Thank you again for your very useful review, and once again, I am very very very sorry for everything.

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/02/14 12:41 pm Title: Chapter 24- The City Falls

this story is getting better and better. learning more and more of the chosen and for sure getting interesting.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/25/14 11:10 am Title: Chapter 23- The Head Brother

Wow what a ass that leader is. I can't wait to see how this turns out. Awesome chapter

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstar Report
Date: 06/17/14 03:21 pm Title: Chapter 22- Death's Cold Stare

this story got way to dark.

Author's Response: I know that there has been a serious tone shift. This is, once again, why I posted the spin-off story. Feel free to read that one instead if you want. No one is forcing you to stay and read this story.

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/14/14 12:10 pm Title: Chapter 22- Death's Cold Stare

Kinda sad but also a very exciting chapter. Great job

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 06/14/14 09:57 am Title: Chapter 22- Death's Cold Stare

Interesting!

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/14/14 09:55 am Title: Chapter 22- Death's Cold Stare

Oh wow now that's a plot twist.. superbly done

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed Report
Date: 06/10/14 12:52 am Title: Chapter 21- A Fallen Hero

Okay this story is getting confusing. What happened to the cute parts of the story?

Author's Response: The story has kind of shifted away from those cute parts. That's why I posted the spin-off story, Second Chance- Lily. That will be magic-free, so if that's what you prefer to read, by all means, read that story instead. Sorry about confusing you.

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/09/14 01:15 pm Title: Chapter 21- A Fallen Hero

Say what! The mole was a chosen... What's going to happen now?

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/09/14 08:45 am Title: Chapter 21- A Fallen Hero

Wow that brotherhood group are pretty ruthless. Great chapter

Reviewer: masters tg stories Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/03/14 12:54 am Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

Hey throughout the story the mother doesn't have the wits to secretly go to the police and work things out.that's a bit stupid.

Author's Response: If your referring to before Kara was rescued the first time, there is a scene in chapter 9 where the mother vaguely states why she can't go to the police. I know this isn't a good answer as to why she couldn't go the police, but I didn't wan't to ruin the whole father plot-line with the police resolving the issue. If your referring to when Kara is taken by the Brotherhood, she did go to the police. This is in chapter 15. The mother doesn't know about the seven, so to her, it is up to the police to find her daughter. When Jonas took Kara, he had to modify her memory to keep her safe from the Brotherhood. If they believed that she knew about the prophecy, she would be interrogated and tortured. In later chapters, I will try to to explain a bit more. Sorry if this soured the story for you.

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/02/14 12:52 pm Title: Chapter 20- The Seven

oh intense cliffhanger.... whos the 3rd swapper??
Can't wait to read more

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/31/14 05:31 pm Title: Chapter 20- The Seven

Omg this story is getting so good. Love it

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/31/14 02:47 pm Title: Chapter 20- The Seven

wow. that is all I can . wow

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/24/14 09:02 pm Title: Chapter 19- An Old Friend

okay. getting interesting

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/24/14 12:25 pm Title: Chapter 19- An Old Friend

So wow I'm impressed with the direction you took this story, I did honestly not see it coming. After catching up on your work great job, ant wait for more.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 05/24/14 10:43 am Title: Chapter 19- An Old Friend

Interesting,but where are we going?

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/24/14 09:42 am Title: Chapter 19- An Old Friend

I'm so enjoying this story. Great job and keep it coming

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/24/14 04:55 am Title: Chapter 19- An Old Friend

Interesting development and now to wait to read more

Reviewer: Gene Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/24/14 02:45 am Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

This was good before the magic aspect. Now? Truly a masterpiece! I'm absolutely hooked and eagerly anticipate the continuation of your web of intrigue and mystery. :-) Easily 5/5

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad your enjoying it!

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/15/14 11:02 pm Title: Chapter 18- The Tables Are Turned

Good chapter. Explains a lot. Love your story so much.

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/15/14 10:19 am Title: Chapter 18- The Tables Are Turned

Intriguing development and a good twist...
What will happen to kara??
The suspense is so much...

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/15/14 09:17 am Title: Chapter 18- The Tables Are Turned

and the plot thickens. love all the little twist you are adding, making this story so fun to read. awesome job

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/14/14 11:48 am Title: Chapter 17- Piece By Piece

Oh snap ( yes i'll use the cliche :p ) ......
We'll that explains some things but adds more questions... so paul is like a weird yoda character now.. what powers does kara have and how did her father get out ring out first..
Can't wait to see what happens next

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 05/14/14 09:35 am Title: Chapter 17- Piece By Piece

Wow , awesome story so far!

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/14/14 08:45 am Title: Chapter 17- Piece By Piece

Wait a sec, thought he was in jail. Well explains some things to me. Again I'm loving your story!!

Reviewer: redneck07 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/14/14 03:09 am Title: Chapter 17- Piece By Piece

O shit

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed Report
Date: 05/14/14 03:01 am Title: Chapter 17- Piece By Piece

Oh No! I can't believe he broke out of jail. I hope that these girls will be okay. Now I am sad :'(

Reviewer: Lanz Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/14/14 02:55 am Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

Wow! Intense and fresh! When I started reading this story, I was expecting something different, and different is what I got! Excellent work, keep it up!

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/12/14 09:23 am Title: Chapter 16- Paul's Tale

Wow story just got so much better. Can't wait to see what she can do.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed Report
Date: 05/12/14 02:54 am Title: Chapter 16- Paul's Tale

I'm confused. o_O

Author's Response: Sorry! I'll try to explain more in future chapters!

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/11/14 05:39 pm Title: Chapter 15- Déjà vu

Just when you think things are calming down you add a new twist, great job!! Can't wait to read more

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/11/14 11:57 am Title: Chapter 15- Déjà vu

I'm crying now.this story really gets to me. i hope they find her alive.

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/11/14 03:46 am Title: Chapter 15- Déjà vu

Oh wow this just went 10 fold in the suspense field...
Don't tell me the father broke out??

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/11/14 03:22 am Title: Chapter 14- Graduation

Oooh and who's the figure... the evil father?? the bully???
The suspense is gripping me..

Reviewer: diaperdd Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/10/14 08:30 pm Title: Chapter 14- Graduation

Wow not sure how u missed the gem of a story. Have to say I'm loving it so far.

Author's Response: I'm not sure what you mean by "u" missed the gem of a story. Did you mean I? If so, thank you so much!

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/10/14 10:35 am Title: Chapter 14- Graduation

wow. now that is creepy. who could it be?

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 05/10/14 10:25 am Title: Chapter 14- Graduation

An excellent read! And very,very cute!

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/05/14 02:04 am Title: Chapter 13- A Visit to the Hospital

Grate job as always. I have to say coming in to this story i had reservations but kept on coming back for the grate story telling.

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/03/14 12:03 pm Title: Chapter 13- A Visit to the Hospital

what a great chapter. your really good at writing. I'm so glad carol went to kid jail. what a crazy teacher at the end. Can't wait for more.

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/03/14 06:49 am Title: Chapter 13- A Visit to the Hospital

Superb story and glad that bully is gonne, hopefully for good..
I remember teachers like that.. and the school always protect them... :(
I'm hopefull things will get better for her

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/27/14 01:15 pm Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

Superb story and interesting end to that struggle..
I woulda like the father end in a very bad condition, i don't wish him dead as there afe far worse things than that..
Still can't wait to read more

Reviewer: Katherine24 Signed Report
Date: 04/27/14 02:06 am Title: Chapter 12- Standing Up

Add more I like it

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/26/14 08:31 am Title: Chapter 12- Standing Up

sad. i was bullied when i was in school. i hope carol gets expelled. good story .

Reviewer: sspate16 Signed Report
Date: 04/25/14 12:58 pm Title: Chapter 11- Bravery In The Face Of Evil

I almost wish Alex had killed that creep, such a monster does not deserve to live.

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/25/14 11:07 am Title: Chapter 11- Bravery In The Face Of Evil

what a happy end to this chapter

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/23/14 06:32 pm Title: Chapter 10- Movie Night Gone Wrong

Wow

Reviewer: sspate16 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/23/14 11:36 am Title: Chapter 10- Movie Night Gone Wrong

Wow, you know how to move from joy and happiness to absolute terrifying horror without skipping a beat. This story is amazing and I really hope Alex and her sister can be saved from the evil man who is their father.

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/21/14 08:33 pm Title: Chapter 9- PEGS And Carol

Quite an intriguing stoy, can't wait to read more

Reviewer: sspate16 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/21/14 07:40 pm Title: Chapter 9- PEGS And Carol

Great story so far. I really look forward to reading more!

Reviewer: ChelleyHelm Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/18/14 10:47 am Title: Chapter 8- A New Day

Very promising, and you added it naturally. This was very well written. I can easily excuse the length, and I''m glad you got past your block. I can't wait to see how this progresses, and at what speed.

There is something I would like to see you work on, either here or in a new series that you create just to try your hands at certain techniques. A great time to make this change is if you do a time jump into the character's future. Use things like her maturing inner voice to express the growth of her new identity. This could help breath life into your characters, and helps us emotionally connect with them as we see how they see the world. The added bonus to something like that is that you fill space to stretch the length of the post, and you paint the world.

There are a couple schools of thought about this development of a world within a story. One thought is that the stuff you leave out allows the reader to become an active part of your work by filling in the gaps. This principal works best with things that are more image based, like film or comic books. It also works in stories, like the man Pip keeps running into in Dickens' Great Expectations.

The other school of thought leans more towards a reader's sense immersion through detail. An abuser and great example of this is Stephen King. If you've read one of King's more epic novels, like Cell, Dreamcatcher, Buick, It Talisman, Gunslinger, etc. then you now that King literally creates a world in the first 1/5th of the book. It is tedious, and can be annoying, but once the world is there, the reader sees the world the character inhabits. The added bonus if you're gonna turn this into an action mystery is that it allows you to pepper clues, and false leads to intellectually stimulate the reader. Of course Jim Butcher does this best, and you have no idea about the subtler hints towards a novel's specific mystery, and what is or isn't a hint for a mystery further down the series.


Finally, I liked the one sided conversation. The technique you use. The one dialogue line paragraph, which works well here isn't a standard because it leaves so much empty space on the page. As our main character develops cognitively, make sure give more detail about the mother's look, etc. I liked the rear view mirror thing. Like that. Children are surprisingly observant when it comes to stress in an adult's posture, and tone. I've seen little kids become much more alert to danger, or seen babies get upset when their mother frowns.

You have a lot of options, don't change the story so much it becomes a chore for you though. Please first and foremost have fun.

Author's Response: Thanks for the positive feedback! I'm going to try and implement some of the techniques you mentioned into either this story, or other stories that I'll write in the future. Thanks for the compliments, and ideas.

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/18/14 01:40 am Title: Chapter 8- A New Day

This story is sooooooo adorable.

Reviewer: ChelleyHelm Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/09/14 12:47 am Title: Chapter 7- Talk It Out

I really like this story, but I'm torn between wishing for more detail, and my acceptance that at this stage in Alex's life we'd be bored to tears. The other thing I feel conflicted is that because all of the main character's past memories are gone, there's little conflict. Essentially it's just an erasure of everything before rebirth. It makes sense, and I believe it, but I think what I'm getting at is that as a reader, it's a little bland.

Other than my own personal foibles, I can assure you I will continue reading to see where your imagination takes us even though this story's not what I like. I'm giving you 4 stars because it is a pretty well written piece, I caught a few spelling errors, but nothing unforgivable.

Reviewer: Kazumy Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/06/14 12:45 pm Title: Chapter 7- Talk It Out

Very lovely and touchy topic but you made the story flow perfectly , can't wait for the next one

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/02/14 05:47 pm Title: Chapter 6- A Bad Apple

this chapter made me cry. I was sexually abused when I was younger. She was lucky.

Author's Response: I was, too. It was worse for me than it was for Alex, and I'm still appalled that there are people who do this to girls. I'm really sorry if this opened up some old wounds for you.

Reviewer: Ulysses Signed Report
Date: 04/02/14 04:25 pm Title: Chapter 6- A Bad Apple

I'm sure there were other ways to improve the bond with Paul, such as rescuing maybe, or other normal things where something like that would happen instead of molestation and abuse.
I do like the idea of a teddy. I didn't know they used that but it sort of makes sense. I thought they usually used anatomically-correct dolls.

Reviewer: Ulysses Signed Report
Date: 04/02/14 06:55 am Title: Chapter 5- A Big Girl Now

Dating is an unclear concept to the toddler and so therefore more clarification could be useful, like, I love so and so and, do we really expect for them to understand such an enquiry?

Reviewer: Ulysses Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/02/14 06:51 am Title: Chapter 4- Growing Up Bit By Bit

The feeling of love comes from a neurotransmitter called dopamine, which can still be experienced for instance in girls they like dolls and in boys they like action figures. It's tha ttime in their life when the brain starts to reward the pleasure centre with certain environmental stimulants.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 03/30/14 11:17 am Title: Chapter 4- Growing Up Bit By Bit

Cute!

Reviewer: Natasa Jessica Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/30/14 10:46 am Title: Chapter 4- Growing Up Bit By Bit

Such a cute story =^.^=

Reviewer: Guillotine Guerilla Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/27/14 01:48 am Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

Obviously, since only three chapters have come out at the time of this review I'm not in any position to judge your work that closely. That being said, there are a few things I took from this story so far that you might want to consider.

The idea of a man being reborn as a girl is an interesting concept, especially if it's being written in the first person. However, you don't really need to go that in depth with the backstory. Not a lot of people will care that the protagonist was Sean Phillips, or that a priest chose him for rebirth or something. All you could really put is that a guy died, and is going through reincarnation. That's enough to please the people reading this story.

A slightly minor complaint is that the protagonist's new life seems...off. First of all, she's named Alessandra, which seems a bit too pretentious. I mean, Alessandra's primarily an Italian name and, considering she's nicknamed Alex, you could've just gone with Alexandra. The fact that her mother just decides to talk to her about her runaway convict father and her sister seems out of place as well. I mean, you describe the viewpoint of a child the day after she's born and suddenly you slip in "btw, your Dad mysteriously ran off before you were born and will probably appear in a later chapter lol"? Try to be a little subtle. I mean, you're writing from the perspective of a baby. No need to develop everything right away.

That being said, I like the general concept and presentation of your story. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thanks for the input and the ideas. In the later chapters, I was planning to tie in the father thing, but I probably shouldn't have written about that whole issue in the in the first chapter. I will do my best to remain subtle until a certain point in the story, due to your suggestion. Also, I went back through the previous chapters to clear up the name confusion. Thanks again for the input.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed Report
Date: 03/17/14 10:12 pm Title: Chapter 1- Rebirth

Cute!

Author's Response: Thanks!

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