Date: 09/29/19 04:17 pm Title: Chapter 14: Distractions
This chapter was great. I loved how you used alternating chapters portraying Suhara learning in class while mooning about her handsome suitor's first kiss - and then burned herself accidentally. That was supremely well-done.
Date: 09/29/19 04:07 pm Title: Chapter 13: Ships and Bracelets
"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to mix action with romance. What do you think guys, yay or nay?"
Totally add some romance. Rales seems nice, and being courted would be a good addition to Suhara's girliness training.
Date: 09/29/19 03:30 pm Title: Chapter 9: Gifts
I see at this point she's really coming to accept that she's a girl now, if not her new name. And that she's finally beginning to accept that she is a student of magic who isn't going anywhere. I'm curious to know what she's going to do for money now. Surely her magical skills should be able to earn quite a bit of coin.
Date: 09/29/19 02:36 pm Title: Chapter 4: Claimed
"Actually, now that she thought about it, the Marlifa mages who visited Welldrop were always male."
Interesting plot point. Do the female mages have fewer freedoms than the males? Or do they simply not want to risk going into town? Is there some kind of threat against female mages, are they kidnapping targets? I'll keep reading and find out. Still loving this story.
Date: 09/29/19 02:28 pm Title: Chapter 3: Water
"He had a feeling that he would just stare at herself again, plus he still didn't want to completely accept the changes to his body."
I really liked the way you portrayed his gender confusion by playing with her pronouns. It was a bit jarring the first few times you did it, but then I caught on to what you were doing. An especially elegant technique.
Date: 12/25/16 03:25 pm Title: Chapter 27: Breaking In
I just have to say that I can't seem to put this story down.. every spare moment is taken up with me eagerly trying to find out what happens to Suhara next... and I'm only half way through..
The pacing is fantastic, the descriptions amazing, and the action done so I feel like I'm right there watching the battles.
I'm starting to work on my own story, and I hope I can be even slightly as gripping and amazing as this one...
Date: 10/19/16 08:27 pm Title: Chapter 48: Return to White
A reread has been completed. I get how life happens, and I do so hope you're alright. Even missing the epilogue, this is an amazing story and a wonderful reread. Thank you for posting all that you have. If you can, and want to, nobody would complain if the epilogue were to be posted.
Date: 08/09/16 09:22 pm Title: Chapter 48: Return to White
This is the beat story ever to be written on this site. It held all the tension at the right moment, and emotion when it felt right. The chapters all led up toa great gam gam grand finale!
Too bad the story isn't finished...
I don't know if you want to, but if so, would you pleeeeaaaase finish the story? It's waaaaay too good to be left... Dead before life could grip it
Date: 04/20/16 12:38 pm Title: Chapter 48: Return to White
Reviewing not just the chapter, but the entire story.
What can I say? I loved it. I was practically nailed to the screen the entire time while reading it. You just cost me a night's sleep, and I regret nothing. Yet.
Your writing style makes it easy to follow what is happening. I will admit I had to re-read a few paragraphs, but the same can be said for established and famous writers, so you're up there with them. I enjoy your view of space (paragraphs) particularly well; I never at any point got lost in the middle of a paragraph because it was too long.
I like the themes present; both regarding the magic, the world-building and Suhara's change and growth as a character. The various side-characters are also varied and interesting, and many of them get just enough spotlight to give a good impression of them without sidetracking too much from the story. That said, there's a lot of room for the background of the main three side-characters; Frey, Tricks and Desyi. On a related topic; I feel you are quite good at the switching the view angle for best effect.
I do have some negative comments, hopefully formulated as constructive as possible. Even if they are negative, I still felt the story was superb; these are presented because I believe you as a writer would like to hear what may be improved. Obviously, these are personal opinions and all that.
There's a bit of Mary Sue present in Suhara. Not so much that it really retracted from the story, just enough to notice it. That is, she has/is the solution to a problem a bit too often to be believable coincidences. With that said, it's a hell of a lot less than many other stories out there.
The main problem with 'Mary Sue'ing, as far as I see it, is that it leaves less room for others to shine, or just for failures to happen. Sometimes problems can't be solved. Sometimes challenges must be left unconquered. And the process of doing so -- the failures -- is a very effective means to convey character growth. You do so a few places; the first lost duel comes to my mind, and it works well. I like in particular how Suhara was unrelated to saving Desyi.
The story falls somewhat into the same "problem" that Harry Potter suffers a bit from. While there were several times people could have realistically gotten killed in the story, they all survived... until the last part of the story, where the scale of grimness raised through the roof. That's not necessarily a problem at all, just very noticeable; you really want the readers to understand that it's suddenly business now. And for that purpose, it works like a charm. In particular Desyi's death was extremely effective in that regard. It's like in Harry Potter you technically know that thousands of people are dying in the last book, but Ron's brother's death hits the readers harder than all of the rest combined.
I was hoping Frey's and Suhara's relationship would advance a bit more, but I can see it was not realistically possible in the relatively short time window the story takes place in. It would easily have felt too rushed. But it would be interesting to hear more of Suhara's feelings towards Rales. Considering what happened between them, I'd expect Suhara to have at least some feelings on the topic during the days they spent excavating. That's not saying I actually want them to be together or anything; I just desire (even more) character development, and found that part curiously missing.
One other thing I would've liked (which we may yet see) is to learn more about Theema herself. Her motivations apart from direct revenge. What would she have done after the revenge had been carried out? While she didn't sound like a pleasant deity, it wouldn't quite make sense that she was evil just for the sake of being evil. I'd expect her to have some motivation.
I was also somewhat surprised -- not necessarily negatively so -- by the lack of the Grim Floret during the last fight. I was expecting something of a Deus Ex Machina to happen.
Also, during the current chapter, why didn't the fireball from Suhara's heat-stealing curse explode? It had done so all other times. Okay, it did explode in Theema's face, but the amount of energy described should have exploded half the roof. Because of Suhara's immortality, she would most likely survive. As for the others, in particular the mages... I guess this is the reason why it acted a bit strangely? Fair enough; it would be a pretty harsh ending if Suhara survived while most of the teachers and her friends died.
I guess that's long enough for now. Did I mention I loved the story? Because that still outweighs everything remotely negative I just posted. Hope to see the epilogue of this story at some point.
Date: 07/16/15 03:02 am Title: Chapter 47: Tussle
I don't know if and when you'll get this, but this story deserves to be updated again. It's one of the best, if not THE BEST, thing I have ever read. Rereading through it all again stirred my emotions and kept me on edge the entire time. Right now I'm trying to envision what would happen next. It would be wonderful to know if this were to ever continue, I would love to see this and it's sequels finished if nothing else...
Date: 12/23/14 10:07 pm Title: Chapter 46: A Dark Arc
YOU ARE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for coming back. Please, oh please, oh please, finish this story! It is, in my opinion, the best story on the site, by far, so long as it is completed.
Absolutely brilliant thus far, and I look forward to the conclusion!
Date: 12/23/14 06:06 pm Title: Chapter 46: A Dark Arc
W-will this be updated soon? I hope so... I really do... I was so e-excited to see this that my heart will still be racing an hour from now. My thoughts are going three times the speed of light... hope you can update your stories again! Please!
Date: 10/21/14 03:55 am Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
We want a new chapter! We want a new chapter! This Story was making an easy run for over taking "For a Girl" as my favorite story on this site but if it is never finished i'm just gonna end up crying every night )': )': seriously though. Beautiful story
Date: 08/14/14 01:38 am Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
Hey, I'm truly blown away with this story and how it's progressed up to now. It could use some more details in some chapters and a bit more filler between calamities, but most excellent writing. I hope you will continue to expand your Vanasia universe. I look forward to reading what ever you post here.
Date: 08/10/14 10:17 am Title: Chapter 44: A Peaceful Sound
I have to say, this definitely feels like a book 2 and now I understand why it took so long to create. I am also very happy to see even with such a long break the quality has not fallen.
Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I was also a bit afraid that the quality would break off, but I have high hopes. Enjoy what's to come!
Date: 08/08/14 06:55 pm Title: Chapter 44: A Peaceful Sound
Please continue this story! When you were frequently updating it, I checked my phone every hour for an update. The is a fantastic, beautiful, and brilliant story. You can't begin to understand how happy it made me to see that you added another chapter, which I must say showed even more of the brilliance of the world you created. Please finish the story, even if it is only a few more chapters to wrap things up. I really want to have a completion to my favorite story on this site.
Author's Response: I'm sorry I'm not able to update it quite as often, but I'm glad you've followed the tale for this long! I'm sad that it's in its final stages, but it was a pleasure to write this story, and a fantastic experience to interact with all you readers!
Date: 08/08/14 01:34 am Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
Eh mon amie, been a while for the new chapter, thanks, it was great. Hope to be able to read everything you put out before I die. ;-}
Author's Response: Haha, I share that hope as well. I'll put these out as fast as I am able ^_^
Date: 08/05/14 05:28 pm Title: Chapter 44: A Peaceful Sound
This chapter is ominous and hopeful at the same time. Will Suhara find what she needs in order to pacify her Goddess in time? I can't wait to find out! WELCOME BACK RUE!
Author's Response: Thanks friend :3. Ah, the end is nigh. It'll be some very interesting chapters.
Date: 08/05/14 12:17 pm Title: Chapter 44: A Peaceful Sound
Ooh so good and great to read this story one again..
Its been so long and i'm glad suhara has found this place here she'll be free and maybe find s answers..
Can't wait tobe able to read more
Author's Response: Answers are hard to come by, so for now we'll swim in questions! I'll try not to keep you waiting far too long :)
Date: 08/05/14 06:43 am Title: Chapter 44: A Peaceful Sound
*Gasps* You're back! I've missed this story. What happened that took so long to update this?
Author's Response: Mostly work, but a few other small problems decided to pile up. That said, I'm happy and healthy, so all is well!
Date: 08/05/14 06:02 am Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
Yay a new episode finally, and it was good if short, I hope we don't have to wait as long for the next one!
Author's Response: Ah... well, it wasn't quite as long. Also wasn't as fast as I'd hoped. Well, I'll try to speed up if I can ^_^
Date: 06/02/14 10:57 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
This is a truly amazing story, I can only hope to be as good a writer as you some day, just continue with what you are doing and keep being amazing. Well, the only thing I would change is the frequency of your updates, but I suppose you can't rush genius.
Date: 05/10/14 01:59 pm Title: Chapter 43: Danger
I guess very soon we will find out whether or not Suhara's demon root wand was planted by Ri Lucian and whether or not Suhara might have some sort of special connection to the trees. Somehow. Yeah.
I know he was only a child but just... that kid...
Date: 05/08/14 11:31 am Title: Chapter 43: Danger
Incredible new chapter..
I'm so sorry to see desy go but she went out saving children..
Finally the demon root source comes into plane.. but what awaits suhara there... Will even theema dare enter there??
Oooh i can't wait for the next chapter
Date: 05/04/14 02:42 pm Title: Chapter 42: Retrieval
Congrats on the writing job! You definitely deserve it. I hope you still manage to find time for our favorite little curse magician.
Great chapter, Now its fairly obvious that theema is not just some evil deity hell bent on world domination and is just a very vengeful deity with an unhealthy disregard for human life. But with ri lucians book proven false we still have no idea what she is a diety of, or what she represents. I must know!
Author's Response: Thank you! It's fantastic to have a job at what you enjoy doing :). Of course I won't stop this story, but I do feel bad about the sudden update rate decrease. I'm sure you can come up with some decent guesses on what Theema represents based on what she has done so far. Until it all ends though, we can't truly know :3
Date: 05/03/14 11:56 pm Title: Chapter 42: Retrieval
I rummaged through the genre of this story trying to find something that would pop out to me. I have to say, I love your writing style and have found myself reading through all the chapters thus far in three days. I just wish I could write as well as you can. I have yet to publish, but might consider after reading this story. Love it, keep it going!
Author's Response: Writing is wonderful, and knowing you liked my work makes me overjoyed! Try your hardest, remember that finishing is probably most important, and improvements can come after that.
Date: 05/02/14 02:02 am Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
Eh, mon amie. Great read as usual, thanks. I'm glad that Frey was able to find Suhara and now with three apparently out of the way there is only the rest of the world to appease. ;-}
Author's Response: Yep. A big, giant world to save.
Date: 05/01/14 12:02 am Title: Chapter 42: Retrieval
Incredible new chapter.. great to see suhara and frey together again .. Does this mean suhara was send to theema realm and thanks in a sense to the 3rd shes awake again ??
Ohh i can't wait to read more
Author's Response: Yeah, Theema sent Suhara to Light's Cowardice. Now Frey got her back.
Date: 04/30/14 05:59 pm Title: Chapter 42: Retrieval
I really hope Suhara can convince Theema to calm down and forfeit her revenge. I think she's really a good Goddess who's been wronged. She doesn't deserve to be exiled.
Author's Response: Being sealed away for hundreds of years has taught Theema patience, but it also fed her malice. The end result is a toughie.
Date: 04/26/14 02:57 pm Title: Chapter 41: Vengeance
So it seems that the Third will have something to do with getting into Light's Cowardice.
Theema may actually care about Suhara a lot. I'm seeing two ways that this can go down. First, Suhara gets back and convinces Theema that she shouldn't be killing everyone. Theema listens because after all Suhara is her priest. It'll be a lot more difficult than that I think.
Second, the unique type of soul that Light's Cowardice has as well as the method that Suhara is being kept alive will be the key to allowing Suhara to stand up to Theema. After some revelations on this chapter, maybe not, it depends how redeemable you think Theema is, considering how many innocents must have died at her hands or by those who worked for her.
Also, I don't think you pointed out that Selva was given to Ri Lucian for no reason.
Author's Response: Mm, yes. The Third is important for that. As for the rest, well, that remains to be seen ;D. Oh, and Theema has Sevla. Ri got some amulet/necklace thing that teleports her.
Date: 04/26/14 10:32 am Title: Chapter 41: Vengeance
This keeps getting better per the second, the drama and action are on par..
And finally a lil bit of background on theema, no wonder she's pissed...
Will suhara be okay ???
And what will the 3rd do? will someone just yell " she ain't here, but you can't miss her just go to that area with darkness "
Can't wait for the next one :)
Author's Response: It's a bit more complicated than that for The Third to search for Suhara, but not too much more difficult. :D
Date: 04/26/14 10:18 am Title: Chapter 41: Vengeance
She went thataway! *Points the mad goddess.*
So the gods inaction at point A (Letting those paladins run amok and kill all of Theema's followers) forced them to imprison her when she got pissed off and did something about it. So they imprisoned her after another goddess was killed. (Theema was still pissed) And so made her even more angry. So these circles on Suhara's arm were the key to escaping that jail.
Now The Ghost the Third is here to collect on what was taken from one of his triangles, while our poor girl is locked away in another dimension.
Give her a break! All she wanted was to learn magic! Is that so bad? :)
Author's Response: Oh, that one other deity is still fine. Deities aren't good at staying dead. All things have a price, though Suhara paid a steeper one than should be expected.
Date: 04/26/14 07:14 am Title: Chapter 41: Vengeance
if this third helps the school magicians and suhara's consciousness is brought back. Then maybe theema could be stopped or at least subdued if suhara forces it as ancient contractors could resist their respective spirits
Author's Response: Mm, half right, nice guess :3
Date: 04/26/14 12:22 am Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
Well, I'm not happy Suhara appears to be out of the picture. I hope she will come back. If Suhara does come back I'm wondering if she will have access to all of the soul that Theema appears to be sucking out of everything i site. If she does have access to this soul then I think Roy may be cleaning skid marks out of his bronze sublunar.
Thanks for the read, wanting for the next instalment.
Author's Response: If Suhara gets to keep her immortality, beating her is going to be pretty difficult.
Date: 04/23/14 07:21 pm Title: Chapter 40: Void Skies
Well, I'm sad to see that Theema may be a bit evil. Thats not good news for Suhara. Luckily I have a theory. I don't think shes actually evil, just mad. Right now shes probably just going on a vengeful rampage, because at how strong she seems to be I don't see how anyone will be able to "beat" her, but hopefully Suhara will be able to come back and talk to her and convince her to stop. If she was just some evil being who was unstoppably powerful and bent on world domination wouldn't she have done it a long time ago? Why does she have all these temples. I bet The Cooleur Curahge trapped her in her relm and shes just pissed off right now.
I hope so at least.
Author's Response: Hm... very good theory. Let's see how it turns out as the story progresses! Nice job keeping the Cooleur Curahge in mind, I can say that much.
Date: 04/23/14 11:21 am Title: Chapter 40: Void Skies
Wow, I never would have thought that Theema would be so evil. I'm wondering if any of Suhara's roommates will be the ones to save her. Maybe even Rales if he is able.
Author's Response: The world is probably going to keep a lot of characters busy. How will Suhara be rescued?! Hm...
Date: 04/23/14 10:26 am Title: Chapter 40: Void Skies
Oh goodie theema is out and boy does she seem to have a grudge ...
Incredible chapter finally get to see every soul at work including the dragon soul..
Will suhara wake up?? Can she stand up to the goddess and what of the amber heart???
The suspense is killing me! Can't wait for the next chapter
Author's Response: The Amber Heart will actually not be significant to the story! It will be important for another story, but not this one :O. Theema indeed carries a grudge, find out more in the newest chapter!
Date: 04/23/14 05:37 am Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
This story is really amazing! I check back everyday in hopes of a new chapter!
Ch 40: how are mere mortals to fight against a diety?! Looking forward to the twist/revelation!
Author's Response: It's quite a challenge! What could defeat a virtually invincible goddess?! Definitely a challenge for the ages!
Date: 04/23/14 02:24 am Title: Chapter 1: The Demon Root
If you ever turn this in to a published novel I will buy 1000 copies just because I love this story. I check back 20 times a day just for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Heh, if I come back and expand on this story in the future, I may publish it online. Until then, have a happy read!
Date: 04/21/14 06:57 pm Title: Chapter 39: Completion
I got a bad feeling about theema.... Keep on posting and please increase the speed. I can't wait any longer. If I may also state, you writing style is excellent and a major bonus to yourself is that you focus a lot more on content and storyline than tg elements which makes this an excellent story. It is what makes your stories far better than others. Trust me on this, it seems like you are now playing in the big leagues (like morpheus from fictionmania, I don't know if you have read his word)
Author's Response: My apologies, I can't quite go much faster. Perhaps the next chapter will be earlier, but it's iffy. I hope you like the newest chapter :). Yes, plot is very important to me ^_^. Thank you for your kind praise! Oh yes, I have read works by Morpheus, he has some wonderful universes!
Date: 04/21/14 12:10 pm Title: Chapter 39: Completion
Oh yes finally the contract is complete ... what's going to happen?
Will theema appear?? Is suhara going to be okay??
And what about her sword?
Author's Response: Enjoy the new chapter, it actually answers all these questions ;)
Date: 04/21/14 10:32 am Title: Chapter 39: Completion
Well nothing like a three way battle where none knows just who is on who's side. I'm still hoping Theema is at least neutral in this mess. However much I'm hoping Gable gets it right between the eyes, I'm hoping our girl remains as lovable as she is.
Author's Response: Haha, Theema could care less. She has her eyes set on the world, the necromancers and researchers are meaningless for her. She might go after Joula or the Amber Heart, but who knows?
Date: 04/21/14 10:08 am Title: Chapter 39: Completion
The way you write is kind of terse. You know, it's kind of short with description. I'm not complaining, it just feels like you're cutting through events so fast, read through it yourself after a little break, and if you're fine with that, I'm fine with that. I honestly don't know if you could add more stuff to the battle scene for example. However, I don't recall us actually being on a first name basis with any of the current time's necromancers. Did I miss something, or was that a slip up. What you did with Suhara's death was very well written. Momma Bird Me Some Mo!
Author's Response: Oh yes, it is a bit bare. I may revamp it in the future. This story is freshly written, so it resembles a draft state. Battle scenes are usually simple and focused enough to thrive with this style of writing, but for story crafting it isn't the best I could do. Gable's name was established by the Bright Noon Priestess at the end of one of the chapters, then enforced by one of the necromancers when addressing the massive man. Unless you mean something else. Enjoy the coming chapters! :3