Date: 04/29/14 03:51 pm Title: My daughters' bet
Hmm, still thinking about this. It's a nicely written story, and I like how you've drawn the narrator - I went back and read The Bet to see how she became Toni, and the move to an adult character is convincing..
However although it was an unusual twist to have the boyfriend commit suicide - it's often transgender people who suicide because of their problems - I'm not sure that it felt psychologically accurate. Would he really have killed himself because the'girl' turned him down nicely? And why did you call him 'Shawn', the same name as Vincent/Venessa's father? Seemed like a bit of an obvious attempt to draw a parallel with the narrator's situation. Those points felt plot-driven rather than character-driven.
So, not bad, but I'm still not sure.
Author's Response: Obsession can be quite serious. The story is written from the point of view of Toni and she doesn't have all the facts about Shawn's obsession. And the use of the same name was a bit plot-driven, I admit.