Date: 09/27/13 01:10 am Title: Shower
just an observation... if you can't help but notice something, it hasn't been ignored. It can be dismissed, but it has already been noted. Also keep in mind that thoughts are treated as dialog, with quotation marks around the actual thought, ie: After drying off, he thought, "Guess I need a haircut."
Don't be afraid to tell your readers things that have happened in your story. Tim needing a shower after his workout at the Gym for example. The workout happened before he asked his sister for a loan so probably should have been mentioned earlier...
Taylor and Tim have known each other for awhile; not likely Tim would have been surprised by his sister's house-keeping habits. After all, he did know about her chocolate....
Date: 09/27/13 12:49 am Title: Meet Tim
Tim was your average teen-aged boy; 5'10" tall, weighing 157 lbs, and the abject definition of 'cheapskate'.
"C'mon sis!", he pleaded. "I only need a little money for tonight!"
"Really?", His sister replied disbelievingly. "How much?"
"Uhmm..", he began uncertainly. "Five-ty dollars?"
"Heck NO!", she blared. "I WORKED for my money to spend on what I want! Go get a JOB!"
"But Taylor...", he began
"No buts! Shoo!" She barked, terminating the conversation as she went outside for her afternoon swim.
"Blah!" he thought, eyeing his sister's purse. "I'll just borrow it without her knowing and return it before she notices"
When relating dialog, each time the person speaking changes, begin a new line; enclose what is spoken in quotation marks, and try to use an emote to show the tone of each person's words.
Generally speaking, a chapter is a collection of related paragraphs, just as a paragraph is a collection of related sentences. Not quite certain you could call three lines of text a chapter.