Date: 08/25/13 07:59 am Title: Chapter 1
Wow, do I ever love your stories. Even the way you use English, forgive me if this sounds odd, but I love how it makes the story feel just a little bit foreign, as if you are telling us how things are in a parallel universe or something... at least, that's how I imagine it, giggle!
I really loved the storyline in this one. The only improvement for future stories I'd recommend is try to just sort of mention any mind control / brainwash stuff in a more subtle way. Just sort of mention it in passing, so that us readers have to figure things out for ourselves.
I love your writing and hope you continue, especially with stories like this!