Date: 09/09/13 01:06 am Title: Chapter 1
I think my troubles with this is threefold. One, the child sexual activities make me go ugh. Two, she goes from being told her daughter is dying (two days to live) to meeting Sasha that afternoon to her baby now having *already* died. And three, how in the blue Hell did she make the leap from "oh no, my daughter is gone' to 'Oh well, I"ll just turn a boy into a girl and all will be better!' Bonus trouble for the fact she just happens to meet the perfect boy for her scheme just moments after coming up with it.
Poor spelling, Texas sized plot hole and underaged sex has me giving you 2/10 at most.
Date: 08/21/13 08:09 pm Title: Chapter 1
I found it to be rather... under-developed. Spelling errors all over. Little things make big differences. Detail the room. Display the image with words that described the picture in your head. "Big" isn't describing since I still imagined a bathroom mirror size. Big to some, small to others.. Nice try though!