Date: 02/23/18 05:58 am Title: Personal Update
Wow you've had really bad year, I'm so sorry for lll your losses; specially the animals as they are special to us.
BTW I love your story and can't wait to see what happens next. If you would like a proof reader or something to help you out; hit me up.
Author's Response: Yes, please! If you have a discord, please hit me up and send me a request to Susy#0927. I do need it for the coming chapters, thanks!
Date: 02/20/18 08:28 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 17: Stairway to Heaven
Another wonderful chapter, not to nag; but it's difficult to follow who says what sometimes. Not so much in this particular chapter. I love stories like this, original; and you just have to guess were it is going... love it... thank you
Author's Response: Hehehe, thanks. That comment has been addressed a bunch of times, and I already set up a system to differentiate characters. I'm not a fan of the name of the POV appearing at the top, but a clue is nice so that's what I'm doing. I just finish rewriting chapter 5, just needs some final edits before I post it here. Aside from that, I hope you enjoy what's coming next.
Date: 02/19/18 08:30 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 10 Achilles Last Stand
I'm about to start ch 11, and omg this is good. You did a great job making this about as unpredictable and exciting as I for one could ask for. Just one thing, sometimes its difficult to identify who is speaking; thou that was mostly in the earlier chapters.
Date: 12/04/17 07:04 am Title: Personal Update
I'd just like to say that if you need any help with the proofing or some other task that many of your readers would be glad to help. (Me included.) It's good that you're taking the time to rewrite the first chapters, to be honest, they confused the shite out of me, even after rereading them multiple times. Take as much time as you need. Not only can rewrites take awhile, but life is also important, especially choosing which college to go to.
Author's Response: Hehe, I might take that offer. Rewriting isn't hard, but it is more annoying than anything. I currently rewrote chapter 4, and I'm thinking I should stop the rewrites around 6 or 7. Believe me, because I suck at names I constantly have to go back to find the character names hidden among the sort. From chapter 7 onwards I'm planning to just edit some minor details, (like over the top "AAAHH" 's) but mainly focus the grammar. But I want to at least have a chapter of the third part done before the year ends.
Date: 11/28/17 10:52 am Title: Personal Update
Some of the stories I've read on this site had me emotionally invested a lot.
Yet reading everything that you've been through, and still trying to deliver to people... Wow.
Can't begin to imagine what life must be like to go through all that.
Just really wish for life to go easier. Some shouldn't get all the wrong things. We can help carry that burden.
I really want to thank you for this truely amazing story so far. Couldn't have imagined something this big. And definitely not from someone who started writing at 15?!
Date: 10/16/17 05:26 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
Holy shit, I loved the story and as an American who has lived a sheltered life, I don't feel like I have the right to say "Sorry for your loss". But the past is the past, we can't change it. And as cliche as this sounds, keep on looking forward! With that said, I myself will look forward to future updates from you. Best of luck with real life.
Date: 10/15/17 06:20 pm Title: Personal Update
No prob Susy, real life comes first, the fantasy can follow.
Author's Response: Thanks really. I still feel bad for making you wait so long for something I could have finished earlier. Either way thanks again.
Date: 06/13/17 02:46 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 31: Thunderstruck
I loved the last couple of chapters, they were truly just amazing and were a great way to end part 2. The story is getting really good, like always. I'm pretty sure I see what's coming next. I also love the pictures of the characters.
Just curious in your reply you said a lot of stories inspired you. Would you happen to know any stories, books, movies, games, and anime that you'd recommend or are your favorite? Because I've kind of had a dry spell of good stories lately.
I'm sorry about that friend though. I saw an old friends mom and another friend go through cancer and it was just heartbreaking.
Ohh wow you planned this since you were 11 you must be a creative genius, haha, like seriously.
I'm so glad to hear this story is just starting! I can't wait to see what you have left in store.
For your first language to not be English you are doing an incredible job. A lot of people who's first language is English make a lot more grammar mistakes than you.
And I love the paralogues too.
I'd love to know when you upload this story to Amazon and make your own webpage dedicated to this story. I'll be the first one to download it 😊
P.S. This is a masterpiece.
Date: 06/12/17 07:59 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 31: Thunderstruck
new chapters of one of my favorite stories! its actually been so long since I read it last that I had forgotten too much, so I spent the last 2 days reading it from scratch (its longer than I thought!) the end of part 2 was epic, I did have an inkling of who might be the one that was summoned, I mean you gave us enough hints with dragon and cursed blood. I cant wait to see how part 3 unfolds, a new story in a new location, now that the Alice storyline has come to a close. I get the feeling that up until now, everything has sort of gone exactly according to Romoths plan, I feel that the completely unexpected summoning may have been one of the first things that wasnt orchestrated by Romoth. Poor Elizabeth, I love her character and keep rooting for her to catch a break!
I love this story so much, I really want to see you keep writing it, so dont let the comments about grammar get you down. I can see that it has been improving between the start of the story and the latest chapters. I really dont like writing anything that could sound negative, but we never grow without someone to point out our weak points.... some parts show that english isnt your first language, some of the sentences appear with words in the wrong order, and you use some words that sound right, but arent written that way, eg the shoe is "Heels" not "Hills". I can always figure out what you mean, and I love this story so much that those little things really dont bother me or affect my high rating for it. this is a really good story. look forward to seeing part 3.
Date: 06/03/17 07:54 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 30: Back in Black
I've seen countless spelling errors, grammatical errors, and just unreadable gibberish littered throughout this story.
The plot is fine. I don't really understand what you are trying to do with the prologues. Not to mention half the time you can't tell which character is on.
Date: 05/15/17 06:13 am Title: Paralogue 6: The Market
I love the story, just love it except for one problem. Every chapter lately feels an it random. Like there's a general idea I get, but everything in between is just there.
Author's Response: Hm? You mean the Paralogues? They are to improve the story and to help explain side things. The first one was made to explain the huge gap between part 1 and part 2, and lately they are just to expand on the story and the lore around it. Or do you mean something else?
Date: 05/13/17 09:04 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
Oh man, loving the league references lol. Enjoyed the art. Her bottom knee really bothers me, but it's not my place to complain. Love the story, though. Will be looking forward to updates!
Author's Response: I know! I didn't want to tell the artist (As I didn't draw it...), but thanks anyway! But hey, I'm trying to have one piece of art each new chapter so I hope you enjoy that!
Date: 05/07/17 08:29 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 28: This Means War
Wow!!! I just found this story the other day and I already read through it already. This is by far the best story I've ever read on any writing site. I'm a huge sucker for fantasy.
It feels like A Game of Thrones. But wow this story just continues to amaze.
I was so shocked that you got me to like Sam since at first, I thought he was a creep, but seeing how much he has grown I now love him. I also quickly started to like the new character Léandre. I am still hoping to see more from the real Geoff since he seems like such a good and likable character. I'll admit I really want Sam and Elizabeth to get together, since Sam is so healthy for Elizabeth, and both of them would just be so cute together.
My favorite character is Elizabeth though since she reminds me of me to an exact point. Like the similarities are ridiculously uncanny.
The action scenes are quite amazing too. But your level of creativity is really what makes this story so fantastic. This world you created is just so great that I don't want it ever to die. I hope you continue writing this story for a long time, like 2,000,000 words, you could make it into like multiple books, haha. I would definitely read it all. When you finish the whole story and go back and edit and continue touching up on the story you should try and see if you can get it published. I honest to god think it's that good.
It's going to be tough to find a book or even a story now that can compete with this masterpiece. So, I'm going to re-read this story. Thank you for writing Black Bloodstains. This story is a gift to read. :)
Author's Response: Woah, a masterpiece? Sheesh I love whenever anyone compliments me, but this time you made my month! A lot of stories, movies, books, games and anime help me to flesh out this story. So you might find some little pieces common to something you know, and the fun part of it is that. I'm glad you change your perspective with Sam, I wanted to reveal the reason of his death when I'm already deep in the story. As someone that knows, or knew, a guy with lung cancer it is pretty traumatic seeing how they pretty much give up in life, and do whatever they please as they see no point in their life anymore. That's why the change in Sam is so big, he returned to what he used to be and the real caring person came out of his shell. Regarding love interests, I think I would ruin what I have in mind for the future. So I won't spoil anything at all! Oh, and we're just starting. I've planned this story since I was like 11, so there is a lot to come. There are a lot of hints regarding Léandre's world, and heck Léandre's gender is still unknown. And I'm planning to do that, actually. I'm currently rewriting chapters 2 to 6, as the first chapter was rewritten some time ago. I have a couple of friends to help me out with the editing, as english isn't my first language and I struggle from time to time without even realizing. After getting everything done, this summer I'm planning to upload the first two parts to Amazon, or start my own webpage exclusively for BB. I already hire some drawers to well, draw some characters. Currently I have a chapter with 4k words written, so around later this week there will be a chapter ready. That'll be the eleventh chapter for Part Two, which will put it around the same length of the first part if you exclude the super short 6 chapters. So after chapter 29, there will be around 2 or 3 more chapters, before part 2 officially ends. And there are already hints of Part 3, with Léandre's segments and a lot of the Paralogue's. And of course I'll write more paralogues in between the time gap of part 2 and 3, so there is more substance for the fans to enjoy! I'm glad you like the 2 parts out of the # that there will be of BB so stay tuned! As I'll work a lot on this story over the summer. <3
Date: 05/05/17 05:21 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
I am enjoying this story immensely. I paralogues are a bit confusing but I think I understand how they will come together later. I don't know if you plan any further interaction between Elizabeth and Geoff. If not please consider a paralogues where Elizabeth gives Geoff some much needed answers and maybe helps him improve his family situation. She owes him, more than just a 2nd chance encounter. Does Geoff have any memory of the last few years? Is he still the same person he was before Elizabeth's soul was removed from his body? Does he have Elizabeth's childhood memories? ( perhaps her soul was not completely removed when she was cut out and her memories stayed in Geoff's subconscious. ) She understands his family situation, will she use her abilities to try to shift it to Geoff's benefit? ( perhaps scares his family into making positive lifestyle changes) Just saying...
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your review! I'll answer this one only as the other one is just a rating c: Regarding Geoff, I have an amazing way to settle the thing between the two. He's just not appearing as Elizabeth forcefully evades him, since she doesn't know her past and she's a pure mess of emotions. I do have plans of resolving his issues and problems, it's going to be a full chapter so no need of a paralogue! And paralogues is just a fancy way for me to say Side Story. As it uses most of the greek prefixes of Para and Logue :3
Date: 01/22/17 03:03 pm Title: Paralogue 4: The Rotten Ship
That... is exactly what I was hoping to see. Marvelous exposition and description, a cliffhanger that doesn't infuriate me but rather makes me eager to see this all... I want to know more. I want to hear more about Blackclaw, about Balderdash, all of it. And the ending! It's exactly what I've been hoping for for the last few months! And pirates! Pirates are amazing.
Date: 01/05/17 10:12 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
Oh no the chapter was amazing. And I hit the wrong rate my bad. Still love the story. I just get confused cause you'll end the chapter with one person and then next chapter you'll start with someone else and then up until a name is mentioned I'm confused as to who I'm reading
Still one of my favorite stories. Glad there's an update haven't read it yet
Date: 12/21/16 02:46 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 25: The Razor's Edge
Still getting confused when you switch characters
Author's Response: Well there's no much what I can do there. To be honest you seem to be the only one to have some problem with that. And I don't want to change my style because I dislike to write directly which character is the focus of the text. Sorry but I don't like to do that. Still I hope you liked the chapter kind of mean that you gave 1 star just for the PoV issue.
Date: 11/10/16 01:10 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 24: Ride On
How can I be mad at you when you post something new? It's always great to see more of this story, even if you think it's bad or just filler. Filler is nice sometimes. You can't have a story with only plot points, it's a bit boring
Author's Response: Mreow, wuv ya.
Date: 11/10/16 11:10 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 24: Ride On
It's been so long I had to scim threw the last chapter. But I'm so excited that your writing :D iv missed this story. Loved the chapter by the way. It had some grammer and spelling mistakes but still loved it
I'm still getting confused when you change threw characters. Any way can put there name before you start from there POV? That'd be lovely. Can't wait for more :3
Author's Response: Hm... I'm glad you like it and I love that you'll stick around to read it. Regarding the POV I'm not quite sure, it's just not my thing to do that.
Date: 09/30/16 01:31 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 23: Shoot to Thrill
This is a fun story. I would like to see more of the competitions between the houses, seeing Eli as a ninja was fun.
There's one thing that's bothering me now, with Eli becoming so overpowered. It has become harder to connect with her. Hopefully there's more scenes with her family and/or friends that humanizes her. Can't say anything other than that because I still love her.
Date: 09/06/16 01:22 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
That's quite the different rewrite. I didn't expect so much to have changed! You had vast improvements in grammar these last three years, congrats on that, though it feels like this chapter is a bit shorter than the original. Probably just the line after line of dialogue throwing off my perspective.
I can see you doing some set up for future chapters, and I don't like Geoffrey. I don't. I liked him the first time I read this, but now? Not so much. He went from some kind of cool guy who was under-recognized to a semi-depressed person going through day-to-day life. He's got elements of his old self, but I don't know if the change coming up will actually be as seamless as before. His personality may have changed a bit too much, but that's just from memory. We'll see how it is when I get there, whenever I feel like continuing this reread
Date: 07/13/16 10:02 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 23: Shoot to Thrill
As always you did a wonderful job. Congratz for the Top 19 Most Reviewed Stories and the 5 star qualification!!!
It's good that you use the first part of Sam to summarize the actual state of his investigation about Eli. We can confirm that he really cares. I'm very interested with the other presence that Sam tells us, that can be very important.
When they were going to see Alice, I liked the exchange of words, they are more like brothers, teaching each other things about their interests. It’s very cute!!!
The members of the Animal Squad are cool :P They have this aura of veterans. Maddox Niccans, Doctor Theodore (DT), Ericka (Bubblegum Bitch) and Ross (the "friendly" bear). The meeting was professional and the members are all awesome.
The conversation with Shawn was very very good and very necessary. We learn a bit more about the brothers "ghostyfication".
Kalyn that sweet girl... you need more confidence, you are the tower and you are very strong and capable, you are a great person. In our world, we need to end the bullying that kids get for being emotional, caring and authentic. Diversity is life and good acts of love is all we need to progress as a society.
We now know more background of Shawn, he has my respect, it's very hard when you have a disfuntional family... and it's even harder when you lose your parents. He is very brave and I loved the scene of Eli hugging him, that's sweet. We all need hugs.
The rivalry of Eli (in Geoff’s body) and Shawn was very funny, it's nice to know that it didn't end when Eli changed. And we know a little more about the original Geoff, that's very interesting.
The combat between Eli and the others was nice, Eli is very powerful even without weapons or using energy. I expected Bubblegum connecting at least a hit even if it wasn't with her katanas. I expected too a duel between Sam and Eli, just for show, without any ending.
The mission, mother of god, that was awesome!!! I love all of it. The infiltration, the start at the office, the explosions… and Eli was like OMG all the time, she is my hero!! All the event was impressive and the ending was full of emotion, Sam you alluring devil. You did a wonderful job, I venture to say that was your best work so far. I will have good dreams about that quest :D. The moment where Eli got her weapon upgrade and the use of the slow motion made the event very epic.
Léandre side story is good as always. I'm interested in the teleportation box. And the mention of the family lineage of dragons that we all know... I have doubts about the timeline of this story.
Thanks a lot for your time, dear Susy. You are awesome.
Hugs Susy (waist-and-neck type of hug) and gives two kisses on the cheeks.
Date: 07/01/16 05:57 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 22: Message In a Bottle
To whoever wrote this story.... Hi
Well I love the story and I'm happy to see you posting frequently. Can't wait for the unavoidable scene of Elizabeth catching Sam. Also been enjoying the side story at the end about the mage I'm excited to see what comes of it.
Author's Response: Name's Susy, and hi! *Hugs* Thank you for loving this story. I hope you're here for what's coming next.
Date: 07/01/16 03:25 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 22: Message In a Bottle
Susy, you really found your muse. I’m very happy that you are giving us updates so fast, even with some spelling errors, the quality of the story is very high. You must be proud of yourself.
Sam kicking Jayce’s ass was nice, I’m starting to love Fayme and I’m hating Jayce more with each chapter. Very different reactions :P. Jayce is a cocky/arrogant boy, I don’t like him, maybe he is handsome… but he needs to greatly improve in humble/modesty. Poor Eli, we don’t choose the persons that we get a crush, you need to be a strong girl.
Wow!!! I didn’t expect the dragon family revelation to Eli in this chapter, It was awesome. I love dragons :D. I love the dragon form of Eli, it’s so cute and fearsome at the same time. Zach, Vincent and Avantator are dragons, Ralph is a wyvern and Eli is a furry dragon. I pray for someone to make a fan art of the Tenebris :D.
The dragon form it’s a bloodline spell too. Eli’s warg form is a polymoph spell that uses the Tenebris inner animal and her dragon form is a special spell that calls the ancient blood lineage. Maybe it’s a little confusing because… why the Tenebris inner animal isn’t a dragon in the first place? I thought that maybe was because dragons aren’t considered animals, instead they are more like godlike avatars. Or the inner animal of the old Tenebris house was the warg, and the dragon lineage was a superior form that only got the last generations of Tenebris.
When Eli received the power of the guardians/elders, she took the power of her grand grandfather, so she absorbed the soul of Avantador’s father… It must hurt, you granddaughter “killed” your father, even if Romoth was attacking them and was about to kill/absorb them too, it’s hard.
I want to know how the Tenebris pissed off Zoralth. It must be pretty bad… to infuriate a Death god. Maybe Zoralth is overreacting? Or the Tenebris helped Romoth in the past? Very interesting, I’m craving to know more :D.
The curse is the “Black Blood”, very interesting, we know now that the story title always refered to Romoth incantation. We can expect that the leaders of the thunder, ice and light kingdoms are corrupted by the black blood too. That makes sense. Romoth used the curse to empower and control his army. We can expect that the Demonic form of Eli wants to be reunited with her master Romoth too. Well, they are all guesses, we will need confirmation in future chapters :D.
Léandre… you are playing with dark energies… you are going to summon problems, instead of a familiar. Very good side story, very interesting and we got some more information about the black blood. It’s a miracle that Alice, Kalyn, Henry, Donovan and Vincent, the five persons that confronted directly the dragon form of Eli, did not contact with Eli’s cursed blood.
Thanks a lot for your time.
“Miranda hugs and kiss Susy”.
Date: 06/30/16 09:36 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 22: Message In a Bottle
:o I liked it. Couple spelling errors but oh well. Good chapter thought :)
Really can't wait for more. Enjoyed Sam kicking ass. To bad emi didn't become a huge badass ass dragon that'd have been different to since she's special and all with powers and the black blood. But I wonder what Sam will do with that black blood. But can't wait for more chapters c:
Date: 06/27/16 12:11 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 21: De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da
Wonderful new chapter and this new revelation about the dragon blood and this lovely new game I hope to see more about it.
And I wonder what new powers will she gain and what about that dream with Sam and can keep their connection with fayme.
Date: 06/24/16 03:01 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 21: De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da
First, congratulations for being at the Top 23 Reviews, I’m sure that this story will reach an even better position.
The first part of the chapter was something like: What? Now when Eli discovers Sam’s powers she will go crazy, like a betrayal of her friend. Eli is very brave and tough to resist the visits of Romoth everywhere, love is the answer to repel his influence.
The compilation of all Eli's dreams are very appreciated. Little Eli is a master traveller... poor little girl, It's normal that she is so messed up... so many years of being alone and fearful.
The library was really really big and the meeting between both dragons, the wyvern, Sam and Fayme was… interesting :P I love dragons. Seems that Zoralth is more powerful than Avantador, as expected, because Avantador doesn't perceive the memory block. I don’t know why, If all the Tenebris bloodline has dragon blood, only Eli lose control when she transforms, her dragon form is more powerful than her father and brother? I don't understand it. Another things is that I don't understand the warg form of Eli, why she has two beast forms?
The events at the greenhouse and the lockers are nice, we get more information about Eli “normal” school life, and is appreciated as a tension relief and enrichment of the story.
Alice mision meeting was a nice touch, yay! A side quest! (or maybe is something more :P). Sikorsky ch-54 or Madoxx’s flying baby, to be able to load so much weight, it’s impressive, even if the Earth model cannot load 62 tons of weight, I’m sure that Madoxx powered that machine with energy (the part of the “Overweight Xenoliths”).
I'm amazed, Fayme is a very nice girl, the letter was an incredible and noble gesture. I like her more with each chapter. She is funny and a good person.
Eli with a crush is even cuter, Is very sweet and reading Eli’s reaction are funny. A natural timid kid that doesn't know how to act near her love interest. Magicball seems like a blood bowl game with weapons and magic.
Leándre side story seems to be the final touch of the new chapters. I like it, I want to know If Leándre will be able to summon her familiar :).
As always, thanks for your time, you are awesome.
Date: 06/23/16 04:17 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 20: Don't Stand So Close to Me
Another chapter of this beautiful story, you progress a lot in the character and story development at this chapter, and that my lady, it's awesome.
The party was fun, I want to know more about the water boy :D An intelligent child it seems. The Bernard and Cornelia story was cool :) And Sam and Fayme bound together, that was totally unespected and funny xD You opened several TG situations where Fayme and Sam can forge a great relationship, even if I want Sam and Eli together, this is very important for the development of Sam's character and I love it.
We learn about Anne and Zoralth story. Zoralth is a better entity that I first thought. Even if he is partially responsible for Romoth situation, you cannot blame him, he is concerned about Anne safety, so I like him. I have the same questions that Zoralth has, Romoth blackening/erasing the memories of all beings... it's a bit crazy, how much power Romoth has?, what is the real objective of Romoth?, what happened to Romoth for developing into a evil god? He teaches how to use magic to Vëo habitants... at what moment he turned to the evil side?
The assembly of kings was very interesting, we know more about the situation of the sides in the conflict. They are facing a bigger and more powerful foe. At this moments we know the problems at the ice kingdom and maybe we will know the interest of the thunder kingdom... [The rest of the paragraph is just my opinion of the opposing side] I think that the thunder kingdom wants more science energy, the hydropower obtained using the river, they must have a huge energy usage, so seeking the power of water, wind and fire can be their objective to improve their creations. The light kingdom seems the real head of the conflict, they must want the return of Romoth for power or simple conquer the world. And the ice kingdom is ruled by a total dictator that controls the mind of the people with orange energy, so his objective must be to control even more people, extend his influence.
Oh!!! Now we have White Stripe/Miss Giggles (Love and Compassion), Black Stripe/Miss Wise (Pride and Confidence), Demonic/Miss Stances (Hate and Power) and Monster/Miss Psycho (Fear and Murder), the mind creations are very interesting. I imagine a situation where the "full Eli" meet these avatars of emotions... that can be hilarious. I really liked Black and White Stripes a few chapters back, and I'd like some type of interaction with "full Eli", like: "Leave this to me sister" or advices.
Oh! Leándre Delacroix, it seems that a side story is coming, I want to know more about the meaning of this for the BB main story.
Congratulations for finding your muse, the story is great and the quality is good.
Thanks a lot for your time.
Date: 06/20/16 01:31 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 20: Don't Stand So Close to Me
honestly i love you for writing this story. it's so awesome. waiting for the next chap.....
Author's Response: Well I'm close to finish this chapter. Might be tomorrow or late today. Depends on my inspiration. And thank you for reading it!
Date: 06/18/16 05:14 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 20: Don't Stand So Close to Me
Such a wonderful and intense firing fighting and this new Elizabeth form is scary but I needed to help her overcome another hurtle in her new life.
Truly can't wait to read the next one.
Author's Response: KAZUMY You got me worried for your lack of reviews. I'm glad you're liking this new part, and everything that's going on with it. Thank you!
Date: 06/16/16 04:20 am Title: Part 2; Chapter 20: Don't Stand So Close to Me
Hmmmmmm it was very interesting. I loved it. Had me on my toes most of the time. I JUST WANNA HUG HER!! She needs a hug.
Can't wait for more though :3
Author's Response: Hug her as much as you want, I allow it. :3. Hope you're liking it so far, because there is more to come.
Date: 06/15/16 02:28 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 20: Don't Stand So Close to Me
Hahaha.... That chapter title reminds me of a song from the 80's.... XP
Author's Response: Jacks... *Giggles* From chapter 6, all the titles have been songs from the 70's and 80's. I hope you enjoyed it!
Date: 06/12/16 11:49 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 19: So Lonely
Another good chapter, good progression, more characters and information for the story. Balanced in all the events. I really like it.
Eli gets her first heart shot... I felt the same when I found that the guy that I liked had a girlfriend. Poor sweet Eli, cheer up girl!!! there are lots of guys out there and you got an assassin scarf.
Laurie finally gets some of her background, that’s nice, storytelling when you are cleaning the dishes. We now know her origins. I suppose Alice was trying to sense the locations of her sister, that's why she was looking to the school. Or maybe she wanted to create a team with the students of the school from the start.
The horse riding was interesting and I love clydesdale horse breed, It's handsome and inspire greatness.
The Zoralth event was awesome... he and Sam are amazing. I love it. Sam it’s a sort of summoner when he uses the negative energy. It reminds me of the “Pale Gate Rune” from suikoden game, with it, you can summon souls, skeletons and other monsters of the empty world.
I like Henry, he is like the leader that I’d love to follow. The Equilibrium Court, the members can be really awesome :D. It’s funny, that all the time you are linking the nature element to fertility and nourishment. Children, boobs and body sizes are examples :P.
What a date start for Sam and Fayme, hehehe, sworn rivals even at lol :P Who will win the Hunt?
You are working a lot in this story, as always, thank you for your time.
Date: 06/11/16 05:12 pm Title: Paralogue 1: The Family
I have been reading this story from last few days and I love it absolutely no questions asked its so awesome everything about it fits well and you did a wonderful job so far and this prologue was cute :3 😘😻😙😽 2 more chapters to go
Author's Response: WOOOOOO! New fan! Hope you like the incoming chapters, and I hope I hear more out of you. Thank you!
Date: 06/10/16 10:53 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 19: So Lonely
I loved it c:
There's was some spelling. But still really good and very cute just like when she his behind the horses head I loved it :3 cute things are my weakness. So the question is when will she blossom and wear dresses. And not kill herself when trying to wear heels?
Can't wait for more though. Specially the random guy that Sam met
Author's Response: You like cute things? Yaas, I hoped that the scene with the horse looked cute. I'm glad it worked! Anyhow thank you!
Date: 06/05/16 07:34 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 18: Brand New Day.
The introduction and the first part of this chapter is cool, hunting the bad guys. Eli is badass, they didn’t have any chance. The story title it's a nice touch.
Eli seemed more in control, a total death machine. I love the character, two different sides of her (assassin and teenager) and both getting developed. Eli first crush!!! Eli's getting interested in a relationship that she doesn't fully understands!!! I love it.
Sam with his Heavenly Halberd, I love the weapon, Lu bu’s iconic weapon :P. We get to know another type of energy, negative energy. Mmm, I didn’t like the name you used, but it’s ok, I’d have used something like “void energy” or “mortal energy”, they are more unusual :P. I like that Sam is getting more confident with his skills and he got a great powerup.
I’d love to know more about Anna/Anne (at chapter 17, you used Anna as her name, but at chapter 18, It gets changed to Anne) and Zoralth, I like both types of characters :P. The carefree, lazy and talented woman and the godly, wise and enigmatic being. I imagine Zoralth with the same voice of Smaug from the Hobbit :P. And just after that, you used all the Tolkien stuff (Samwise, Lúthien, the ring…)… what a coincidence... I was very excited by that :D. I didn’t expect Shawn to be fascinated by Tolkien hehehe.
You introduced the Johnson family, I liked it, now the house is more like a house and less like an inn.
You are improving the description of your stories, that’s amazing, I can totally imagine the scenarios.
This chapter is full of combats, but the team fight was awesome, I like that it’s more strategic than all the other combats at the story, even if it isn’t explained completely, it’s the first full scale battle that we see.
A very good job, you greatly improved your writing.
Thanks for your time.
Author's Response: I f****** LOVE YOU! I'm so glad you like it! And I'm glad you spotted the hilarity of assassin teenager! I do think I might had added waaay to many combat scenes, but I'll make out for it with next chapter's working more on the "teenager" side of Elizabeth. You make me blush a lot with your comments, and I'm glad that you read my story. Stay tuned!
Date: 06/03/16 09:32 pm Title: Part 2; Chapter 18: Brand New Day.
:O uh oh someones has a crush :3 ... Besides some spelling I absolutely looovvvveeeeedddd it :D
Specially with Elizabeth being a beast and destroying everything. I wanna see more power :o
Can't wait for more
This is one of my most fav stories on this site
Author's Response: Yay! *Hugs* I have a new fan! I hope you like what's to come, and I corrected some spelling that went through my head while editing it ;3 thank you
Date: 05/29/16 11:36 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
You did an impressive job editing this chapter. It improved in all the aspects.
The story progression is the most important improvement, the events are more solid and interesting and they have useful information for the story ahead. The details are very important and the chapter is not chaotic anymore.
The characters... you introduced to us Shawn and Sam, now you can see that the story isn't separated in two points, before and after chapter 6. And the shadows at the last part of the chapter are a good touch and final event.
Bob Kevins and Nathanael Thompson, you resolved an issue with the presence of this two characters, they now are more subtle and we know more about them than we knew before the editing.
The dialogues have less presence in this chapter, but they aren't necessary in an introductory chapter. The dialogues are good, and they help you to see the relationship between the characters and the MC. I don't have any problem to know who says each sentence, thanks.
The scenarios, you changed/added two more, the ship graveyard and the forest instead of only show us the school. You give us more information about the configuration of the town, so we can imagine it better.
The "combats" or confrontations, you removed the event with the bullies at the school and at the fast food restaurant. That changed the general feelings in the chapter, the progression improved and the "hatred" of the story gets focused on three characters, the mother, the sister and the sister's boyfriend, Jackson. Instead of a general hatred in all the school and the house. I think that is a very good change for the sake of the story.
I will eagerly wait to see the changes at the chapter 2.
Thanks for your time and effort.
Date: 05/09/16 09:51 pm Title: Paralogue 1: The Family
I don't know at which point this event is happening at the story, maybe at summer vacations? I don't know, I don't even know what Paralogue means, but I think that this chapter is beautiful.
Eli having bonding time with her real family. This is something that I really wanted to happen before. Eli sure needs to spend as much time with her friends and her family. The only way to keep her dark side in control is to be happy. The power of love is the brightness that keeps the shadow at bay.
At previous chapters, we can sense that Eli's mother suffered a lot all the time that Eli was missing, but after Raph tells Eli the general situation... I really love how Eli search for her mother as fast as she can to hug her and tell her that she loves her. It's very touching, the love between mother and daughter... it's the most precious thing.
If we compare this chapter with the first chapters before any edition, you grew up as a writer, there isn't any doubt about that. The events are easier to follow and the scenarios are more detailed. Very good job.
I will wait for more updates of this story.
Thanks for your time.
Date: 05/09/16 08:35 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 17: Stairway to Heaven
First, I'm sorry for my first and only review about this story. This story deserves a more detailed review and I hope that this amends my offense. This story was the second that I added to my favorites, and It's clearly one of the stories that I enjoy reading the most. I read it from the beginning to write the best review that I can right now.
Elizabeth Tenebris, the hero/wildcard, dark and fire elements, arm blades weapon and dark knight armor. A very interesting character, she starts as Geoff a bullied intelligent teenager boy with a healthy life and body, and a deplorable family. After being killed by Alice she awakes as a girl. After some chapters, she discovers that she was born female and that she really stole the life of the real Geoff for protection. She had a continual development, I really like the character, It's lovely and I cried in her misery. I really want Eli to be happy, she suffered a lot and she deserves the safety and confort of a family and friends. She really loves animals, she is weak to cute things and she cannot act like a tough rebel teen all the time, animals reveal the true Eli. She gets godlike powers when she received the soul energy of the great ones, she can change between all the elements, when the right conditions are met. Eli is a powerhouse by herself, I wonder how much of a killing machine she will become, after she masters all the elements and she obtains all the dark weapons. She must stop/defeat “Rommoth the Destroyer” a great menace that can destroy Everstodd/Veö. Beware Rommoth!!! Your grand grand grand granddaughter will kick your multicolored ass. You better get back to your hideout, Eli is on fire!! She created two other personalities to withstand the burden of the responsibilities and the gender confusion. I love deep characters and I find a character with multiple personalities very interesting. They are hard to manage, they are difficult to develop, but they are awesome too, and I think that is funny to write and read about them. "White Stripe" or "Miss Giggles" is an unstable girly psychopath, and "Black Stripe" or "Miss Wise" is pure logic and stability. I like both of them, they are fresh and pure to their emotions and beliefs. When they appeared, Elizabeth started to embrace her desires and feelings better and she turned more like a girl. She has a lot of road to really be ok, she has a lot of traumas and conflicts that needs to resolve, more Elizabeth at the second part of the story.
Sam Johnson, the underling/pawn, light and wind elements, pike weapon and unknown armor. His first apparition was at chapter 7 and the scene was hilarious, that hormonal geek teenager with a crush on first sight. The way Eli thought about him when she needed to kill him... I cried out of laughter, “I don’t have a single gram of guilt of stabbing this fucking dork”, that was my favorite sentence. After his death, we see a more mature part of him, he accepted the whole slave thing as something that he cannot change, and he worried about Eli instead, he is a sweet boy, maybe Eli had a wrong opinion about Sam from the beginning and he was more than he showed to others. He gets unknown powers when he accepts to become “the Walker”. I like that you give power to Sam, he was a little helpless. and his frustration can be a problem in a relationship, but that means that the pawn finally transforms into a better piece? We need to wait for the second part of the story to know what that really means.
Alice Monique Ruplant of Winterhail, the leader/king, ice and unknown (dark?) elements, beast claws weapon and royal armor. I’m conflicted with this character, she acted like a bitch at the start, then she slowly relaxed from that position to a team leader bossy type. I didn’t like how she treated Eli at first, she was too bad. Maybe if she told her "partners" the conditions of their “contract” and a way to free themselves, maybe I'd like her a little more. Instead, the whole "you must fight for me to death and you gain nothing besides an inmortal life of servitude" don't appeal to me. At chapter 12, Alice was revealed to be Eli’s sister, and that was like: are you kidding me? Alice was so mean, that I thought I won't be capable of forgiving her, a person that treats her sister as a chess figure. At chapter 14, Alice changed a lot, the conversation between Alice and Eli, I cried the same way that Eli, it was very touching and beautiful scene. After the last chapters… I cannot hate Alice anymore, but she will need to make more efforts
Laurie Bluebell, the healer/bishop, nature and fire elements, bow weapon and leather armor. She is the supportive and caring type, she is very mature too, I’d like to know more about her background. What happened? Alice forced her to be like a maid? She works as the school nurse as training, thats interesting, but the others characters explained their backgrounds at some point. She is one of the first secondary characters to appear at the story, and we know little about her, when you edit the first chapters, I suggest that you tell us some of her past.
Rosie Floyd, the witch/queen, fire and unknown (dark?) elements, war axe weapon and mage robes. She is the school idol that everybody wants to get in her panties. I like Rosie’s background, I didn’t expect her to be a member of a racer/mechanic family. I’m curious to know how she gets Sideburn, he’s awesome awesome. At first, Rosie seemed a bit cold and acting like a queen (like her chess piece :P), but after some chapters we can see that she has a soft heart.
Shawn Matthews, the warrior/knight, light and wáter elements, spartan sword weapon and half plate armor. He is optimist, vivacious and competitive. I like when he teases Eli, he is a good rival. He has a very logic mind, not very emotional, it’s quite a contrast between the other members of the team. I’m curious to know how he got killed and if his life changed a lot after his death or not. This character is a bit misterious, I want to know more about him.
Kalyn Matthews, the strategist/tower, thunder and unknown elements, greatsword weapon, heavy shield and full plate armor. You should never trust the appearances, thats the best way to define Kalyn. She is shy, silent, cute and girlie, and she is the strongest in pure strength too, so, all of her looks are false information. I like how she is living her life with happiness instead of hatred… after her bad luck losing her parents, and the foster homes situations… I like her.
Lizzie Rigs, the girl friend, the angel of the school, I meet someone like her in high school, she was beautiful and caring like Lizzie. I really love this character, she is the open and honest, the girl that you want as best friend or even a love interest. If it’s possible I wish her to be a little more important for the story. Her friends, Diane “Amazonian” Romanov and Penelope “Strawberry Shortcake” McAllen, really complement her as the good girl friends group. I’m interested in knowing if Lizzie will ever know about Eli possessing Geoff and if Geoff will remember anything of that times. Geoff deserves a decent life as a reward for all the trouble, Eli should help Geoff to escape from the grasp of his mother and sister and to pair together both, Lizzie and Geoff, they must become a couple.
The first five chapters were a bit weaker and chaotic and I'd love to reread them when you finish the edition, but they aren’t that bad, you give the reader several interesting details about the world. Their balance between information and the story progression was a bit messed. You can see a change at the course of the story, clearly you intended to end the history after chapter 5, so, the chapters need to get a few changes to balance the story progression.
Chapter 1, the start was a bit slow with little really useful information for the story.
Chapter 2, you explained a lot of information about the world, and I really loved it, but was a bit dense for one chapter.
Chapter 3, the society in Everstodd/Veö was very interesting and Claudin/Legatos was impressive.
Chapter 4 and 5, I think that both are the best of the five chapters, because we learn several things about our lovely Eli. I think that they can be merged, to make an even better chapter.
The moment when Eli meets her real family at chapter 4 it's funny, you present yourself wearing only a nightgown, completely scared and in denial, and when you try to escape, you crash with all of them.
I love the flow of emotions at chapters 12/13. I love how Eli bounds with her biological mother, It’s cute, like a little girl, she wanted to remain by her side, she didn’t ask for that destiny, she didn’t want to become a hero. I fell in love with Sam when he conforted Eli, that boy earned many points saying that words.
When you introduced Maddox Niccants (Ice/Nature), leader of the Animal Squad, at chapter 14. I really became curious, the resistance sure has a lot of interesting members. So, I’m sure we will meet more cool members, yeah, because most members will have the Ice element :P. Alexandra and Viktor… Maddox told Eli that they were the most important, you left me with a craving to know more about them :P.
Like I said at my previous review, the chapters 15/16 are my favorites, because I love magical creatures and Elizabeth being in half transformation was the cutest thing in the world. You introduced the polymorphing in chapter 2, but it was brief and it didn’t shine. I wait for more impressive “beast” forms to appear, it’s a nice touch. Polymorphs that we know: Alice = Bear, Laurie = Dryad, Shawn = Snake and Eli = Warg / Special Dragon.
I like how you explain the emotions of both main characters, Elizabeth and Sam, through all the story. They are teenagers and they think and act like them. They have several mind conflicts and you expose them in a creative way, I like the character progression of both and I'd love to read the next part of the story, where maybe, Eli and Sam can get a bit more into a relationship.
The dialogues, at the first chapters sometimes you must read them two times to know exactly who says each sentence, I prefer when the writer tells us what character is talking when there are more than two taking part at the conversation. You changed that after the first chapters. As I said in my other review, you need to know who is talking and when you change the POV, you need to know without doubt what character are you following. I think that most the dialogues are good and funny, so I like them. The character interaction is always very important and you portray their emotions through the speeches in a good way.
The scenarios are good, maybe they aren't very detailed until the middle or so chapters, you can see a difference in word total too. I love Claudin city, the Legatos building, the dark nation and the palace, I imagined them very impressive and "magical". I would like to read more about the other nations appearance or other cities. I'm sure that for part two you will do a wonderful job, the experience makes a great writer.
The combats are awesome, there aren’t too many of them, but they are impressive. The fight between Eli and Achilles was very detailed. First I thought that the story will be better with more fights, but I then thought that the story is interesting enough and that I’d like to know more about the world instead of several more fights. Maybe some sidequest to obtain black weapons or energy?
Some final questions:
- Bob Kevins and Nathanael Thompson, the both coworkers at the fast food restaurant where Geoff worked at chapter 1. We will see them another time? I supposed that they were "one time" characters, but Eli mentioned them at chapter 8, so I was expecting an apparition.
- The skateboard of the chapter 1… was meant to have a purpose? The “Gandalf like” grampa was an important character? You described in detail the skateboard and I thought that it will be a more important item in the near future, but that didn't happen. I loved the way that Eli used it to escape from the bullies, but I meant in a more magical purpose. At chapter 13, returned to the story, but without a specific purpose.
- Geoff’s mother and sister (chapter 1), we will see some closure to that shitty people? I will love to see some little vengeance. At chapter 8, Eli humiliates her sister a little. We see Geoff’s mother and sister again at chapter 13, but nothing happened.
- At chapter 2, Alice tells us that the ghost world is called Everstodd, but at the pólice station at chapter 11, the world is called Veö. Thats a difference between languages or something?
- At chapter 7, Eli tells us that Kalyn is the one that killed Shawn and Rosie, but at chapter 11, Kalyn gets her background extended and Shawn was a ghost before Kalyn. What is true?
- The Johnson's family will find out something about the second life of Sam and Eli? I always thought that they will find out something. It isn't necessary, but I thought that they would have a little more concern about their family members, and that they would appear more in the story, just for details about living in the same house, like when Jane woke up Eli.
Thanks for bringing to us this amazing story, I'd love to see more parts of this world and your development as writer.
Thanks a lot for your time.
Date: 04/26/16 10:04 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
This is almost unreadable.
It's so jumpy and fitful that it's just jarring to read, the language is awkward...
Author's Response: Please keep reading, I wrote the first chapters when I had just gotten into writing. The whole thing improves as the chapters come. I don't have any proves, look at the reviews and you'll tell the changes through time. I'm actually working on re-editing the first 5 chapters, which are the clunkiest and the worst written. Give it a chance, I'm sure you won't be disappointed :)
Date: 04/23/16 06:47 pm Title: Paralogue 1: The Family
I loved it :3
I loved the end the most. I hope there's some chapters of her and mom getting to hang and do things. Can't wait for more
Author's Response: YAY! A new person is hooked to my story! *Hugs* I hope you like what's going to come!
Date: 03/21/16 10:03 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
I'll admit, I was pretty skeptical during the first couple of chapters. Your writing was pretty hard to follow, but as the chapters progressed, your skill as a writer seemed to grow, and I was drawn into the story. There's still some grammatical errors, and you sometimes use the wrong words for what you intend to say, but as you've stated in other reviews, English is not your first language, so I can't fault you for it. In fact, you have a very good grasp of the language, and I can imagine that writing stories of such length in it has helped your fluency a great deal, and you can see that as the story progresses. That said, I am really enjoying the story and all of the characters. I can't wait to see more of this!
Author's Response: I'm flattered, seriously, you are one of the few that have noticed that and I'm thankful that you passed all of my junky writing. Thank you!
Date: 03/19/16 06:34 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 17: Stairway to Heaven
I loved it :o
I can't wait for more :) I loved the green house to. It was cute and adorable :3
Author's Response: Yay! I've always been a bit awkward answering reviews. I'm so happy I take time to respond :3 thank you for liking it, there's more to come!
Date: 02/02/16 03:14 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 15: Black Dog
Oh my what an incredible and intense new chapter.
The twist turns the suspense and the chill of wondering what's going to happen and that form she changed are superb.
Author's Response: Yay Kazumy! *Hugs* I had problems logging on but I'm back at it again! Beware, because there is more to come!
Date: 01/31/16 10:44 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 16: Communication Breakdown
Love it. Can't wait for more :D
Author's Response: And I can't wait to finish this chapter either! I hope you excuse me for answering so late but I had some account problems :/ . Be happy, because there's more to come!
Date: 01/31/16 06:17 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 16: Communication Breakdown
Still not a fan of the Sam character. Personal preference tho.
Another thing that bothers me, but is of course a justified design choice, is Elizabeth's character that's constantly feeling sorry for herself. 'Boohoo the world is so unfair, let me go sit in a corner and cry'.
Yeah, the world is shit and life sucks, but shit ain't gonna get better by crying. Everyone always expects Elizabeth to snap and kill everyone, yet she doesn't. Also did she really agree to become the toy of big bad, just to save the life of some woman, who may or may not be real?
I hope she kills Alice at some point. I just want to see her die in a fire/in pieces.
Thanks for the chapter, I'm excited to find out what you'll end up doing.
Author's Response: Hello again! Mr. Critic :3 . Sorry for answering so late, I had that weird issue with my mail in which I needed a certain email to log in, etc... The point is! I couldn't access my account! But I'm here now, and I can actually answer what I had in mind for a while! Jesus christ, you want Elizabeth to go on a rampage! I'm working on the next chapter by now, and it is going to be a big one! I hope your doubts on the characters get clear on the next instalment, and I hope you're here for what's coming next!
Date: 01/31/16 04:49 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 16: Communication Breakdown
I enjoyed this chapter! Lots of new juicy information! Just a few sentence errors but otherwise, great work!
Author's Response: Sorry for the delay on answering this review. My computer didn't want to log in into Susy's account and I had trouble logging in for a while. I love your reviews! And thank you for reading, I'll hope you'll be here for what's happening next!
Date: 01/09/16 09:41 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
I like the story, but a lot of things seem very forced, others seem shoehorned.
I don't like how you're forcefully making a relationship between Sam and Elizabeth happen.
I also don't understand how Elizabeth can take everything so calmly. Sure he ended up with schizophrenia, but that's still amazingly calm. Everything in the whole world hates her and wants to exploit her for their own purposes, not a single person seems to give a shit about her. In her situation I would've long gone mad and just started killing everything around me until nothing was left... Well, keep writing, your writing will get better with time. Regards, AFTB
Author's Response: I have no comment with the relationship between Elizabeth and Sam. I have nothing to say about it, due to the future of the story. I won't spoil anything and I'm glad you're liking the story. Regarding Elizabeth... I don't feel like I'm shoehorning or putting away her mental status. Her whole personality changed little by little after she died. He was a sarcastic loner who didn't care about anyone else but himself. Not because he was an a******, but because of the way people treated him. That's what I'm doing with Elizabeth, her surroundings are slowly changing, she slowly discovers something about herself or about her past. I can understand your point of going on a killing spree with her. But look at it this way, she's also discovering and feeling things she has never known before. Friendship, family, companionship, and most importantly love. As Geoff she barely knew what that thing was, he only cheered for himself and no one else. She now has a family and friends that support her, that care about her, and she's slowly changing and adapting to them. I would love to say more, but I'll either be repeating myself or just spewing nonsense or spoilers. I hope you continue reading this story!
Date: 01/07/16 03:30 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 15: Black Dog
This story is excellent. Despite the disturbing amount of gramatical errors, I'm assuming English isn't your first language, this chapter, and entire story, is freaking unbelivably good. Keep writing and I will be more than happy to read and review each chapter
Date: 01/02/16 07:26 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 15: Black Dog
I like the story a lot. I don't really find to many things wrong with the story top 3 favorite on the site for me. However i do want to suggest you making a separate chapter tat is just a codex of people who are in the story and the description of them and their back round. To some things that i like is the Romeo and Juliet. I like the idea of it and how you are making it even more awkward for her. and i hope in the next chapter or so you make both Geof and Eli talk. And hope he is in the story more. i also like the idea of the scepter. Also if you are planning on having Jackson to be the romance with Eli i l actually like that a lot. And one last thing in this chapter you said she turned into a a Dragon then later on you say she is a Warg. And she is smaller than what you said the dragon was. When Eli turned into the dragon you said she was twice the size of the building. And if she is a Warg are you gonna use the game of throne use of the word Warg in game of throne its "Wargs are people with the ability to enter the minds of animals and perceive the world through their senses and even control their actions". So don't know if you plan on using that if so i find that would be interesting. Anyway i hope this was useful to you.
Author's Response: YAY! Thank you for the feedback! You really have no idea how it feels, and I'm blushing when you said its one of your favourites from the side. I would like to answer very profoundly to what you say, but I don't want to spoil what comes next. The codex would be a very nice idea to keep track of characters names, I found myself re-reading previous chapter to find names I haven't used for a while. I'd do it, but saying the background would kind of spoil the story for someone who has just started reading. I would love to talk about the future, but I'd spoil it and I would hate myself for doing so. Regarding the warg issue... I feel a bit silly saying this, but I haven't read nor watch anything from Game of Thrones. I have no idea how wargs are there, but I took the name of warg from the Lord of The Rings and from many more books from Tolkien. I read the description of what they are (Very big and smart wolves), and gave it a twist of my own, because the Tolkien's wargs are veeeery ugly. I'm really thankful for your review, and I hope you stay for what's happening next
Date: 01/02/16 02:06 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
On pain of death here is my review:
Ive really liked most of the story so far and have high hopes for Alice's war for the throne. Not sure what else to say, I really struggle with writing down my thoughts on things in a semi coherent way.
I like it and want you to leep going. Is that enough?
Author's Response: Sorry if I sounded a bit annoying on literally asking for reviews. But you really have no idea how much it helps having some feedback whenever you put out something in public. I'm glad you're enjoying what I did, and I hope you stick for the rest!
Date: 01/01/16 11:11 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 15: Black Dog
I love the story so far, the chapters are big (10.000-12.000 words) and you give enough information to imagine the whole scenarios and characters.
This last chapter (15º) is my favourite, I didn't expect the whole polymorph thing appearing at this story and I love dire bears, dire wolves and dragons!!! (I played a lot of D&D campaigns :P).
But "the cherry on the cake" of this chapter is Elizabeth being in half transformation. Im laughing while writing this, with an: Oh my god, she's so cute!!!, hehehe.
The only minor thing that I don't like is when you change between characters POV, sometimes I dont get to know who is the character until I read some sentences. I prefer when the writer tells the reader the character POV from the begining, even when it only changes between two characters.
Im waiting for more excellent chapters of this amazing story. I wish to know more about the worlds and enjoy the character development.
PD: Sorry for my childish english, I'm learning :P. I hope you have understood what I wanted to explain.
Author's Response: Don't worry about the grammar, my mother tongue is Spanish, and it sometimes tells on my stories. I'm glad you're having a blast reading this story, it's an idea I have practically carried for a long time, and many different inspirations made this thing happen. Imagine if you had fun reading this, how much I laughed while writing it. The perspective thing it's only between two characters, Elizabeth and Sam. I'll try to make it obvious right away, if it helps somehow c: I hope you stay tuned for the incoming chapters.
Date: 01/01/16 10:56 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 15: Black Dog
This truly is an amazing story and I can hardly wait in between chapters. You have created a vast and interesting universe. Keep up the great work.
Author's Response: I'm glad you're having fun reading this story. I hope you stay tune for more to come! :3
Date: 01/01/16 08:25 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 15: Black Dog
Absolutely wonderful! Loving the plot developments, and it's intriguing to see (Spoilers for people who read reviews before the next chapter for some reason) Elizabeth's perceptions of herself take a form. I personally hate the cliffhanger, I don't want to wait for the next chapter...
Date: 12/31/15 12:31 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 14: Over the Hills and Far Away
Intense two new chapters truly revealing some mysteries and adding new one's.
Truly a wonderful new spice in the story
Author's Response: OMG KAZUMY!!!! I was worried that something had happened to you! Thank you for reading my story, and always reviewing it! I'm glad you like what you've read, there's more coming soon, probably tonight or tomorrow's morning!
Date: 11/26/15 10:47 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 13 When the Levee Brakes
hooray an update!!! I really love this story hell i love your writing in general that was some hellava twist so she was never geoff after all... interesting
Author's Response: I'm so happy that you liked it! And thank you for the complements *Blush*, I hope you're here for the next chapter!
Date: 10/12/15 05:56 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
I can keep editing for you for the time being. I'm very sick right now and could be out of the office for a couple months, so I have a lot of free time (well, when I'm not feeling lethargic).
Author's Response: It's really up to you, I can't deny any type of charity work. Feel free to edit my silly typos! c:
Date: 10/12/15 08:55 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 1. The End of a Lifetime.
Anyway, I revised chapter 1 for you. If you like what I've done, I can tidy up the rest. I tried to keep to your style of writing and mostly did superficial changes, but I can clean up sentence structure completely if you'd like.
Author's Response: Wow. That's, amazing. Who am I to deny something like that? It's up to you if you want to continue editing, I can't say no to people who are helping me. I love that you are enjoying the story, and I'm happy to tell you that there is more coming. However, I do think I need to clarify my horrible tense structure. You might have read this answer if you read other reviews, but English isn't my first language. So I think that my ideas in spanish, doesn't always as swiftly as I would wanted.
Date: 10/12/15 06:11 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 12 Nobody's Fault But Mine
I like this story a lot, I'm gonna favorite it, but, your grammar (and constant switching of tense) is attrocious. I'm extremely sick right now, if you'd like, I can touch up a few chapters for you and post the text in a pastebin for you to check over: make sure I didn't detract from the story.
Author's Response: Jesus christ. I was f****** tired in my other answer, please excuse my horrible english! It was very early in the morning and being monday, after quite a lot of homework, before having a coffee or anything to wake up makes my english even worse! XD
Date: 10/11/15 02:46 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 12 Nobody's Fault But Mine
Wonderful, absolutely wonderful new chapter! I'm still a bit teary from the beginning (not going to say any potential spoilers for people who happen to read this review before the chapter for some reason) but I think you know what part I mean. Intriguing, how she changes her power, and I can't wait to see what happens next, whenever that may be!
Date: 05/29/15 06:31 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 2. Here, There and Everywhere
He seems to be taking being killed by an ice ghost from another dimension using poisoned yogurt rather well. (that is what happened right?)
Author's Response: Thank you, and I can't wait to hear your opinion on each chapter of my story. And you are the first one to mention the yogurt thing :). Whatever, regarding Geoff's reaction towards being dead, I promise I did the best I could for that "era" for my writing. As you'll be able to notice (if you continue reading the story) my writing will improve as each chapter goes. I'm not excusing myself, but to be fair I only had one month of experience. (*Cute Snarf voice* Don't judge me Mr. Critic). So I hope you like what you'll see, and maybe get hooked by it.
Date: 05/29/15 01:07 pm Title: Part 1; Chapter 11 Ramble On
I'm just going to say, I love this story, and am glad you desided to continue it, it's awsome and the consept is perfect, and best of all, the Elisabeth is perfect, not some cheesy "I love this new body" thing, it seems like what a normal human would feel like in such a situation, go I love this story, is give you 6 stars if I could.
Author's Response: Thank you! Finally someone notices what I'm doing with Elizabeth! Of course I'll have to touch some TG cliches along the way, but I'm glad that you noticed that! I hope you enjoy reading in, and stay in for the ride ahead!
Date: 05/24/15 11:26 am Title: Part 1; Chapter 10 Achilles Last Stand
Now that was a good read...
Author's Response: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/30/24/9b/30249ba706c43b8f1116878bbf959878.jpg That's me right now. I managed to make you give me five stars! Thank you Jacks! I hope you get hooked and continue reading the story!