Date: 05/22/13 05:23 am Title: Chapter 1
Overall it's pretty good. You need to work on a few grammatical things. I like the story line but it's a bit hard to read. You need to use quotations around words that characters say. Such as "I will be right back" Will said. You also need to capitalize names. Here's an example:
And then Will ran right into Clair.
That way I know what is going on, with a name like Will, I don't know if you are saying someone will do something or if a person named Will is doing something. Hopefully this helps!
Author's Response: Thanks I will take that into consideration on my next story